What I would have done differently if I would have known better

Elicia, I know your pain and how you are feeling. My Mom is accepting chemotherapy for stage IV cholangiocarcinoma now. She was diagnosed on July 31. At the begining, I searched information about cc on the website, and I found it seems nothing is effective for stage IV cc. But later, I got more and more information, and found it seems still has many methods are wothy to try. Although from literature search, I found almost all research paper recognize chemotherapy is “ineffective” for cc, my Mom still wants to try it.

Originally, I prefer to give up chemotherapy. Because I am afraid of that if Mom only has few month to live, I don’t want her be very weak and uncomfortable. Since the research paper shows chemotherapy is “ineffective”, why we still need to try it? At that time, I was very struggling with should I make a decision for Mom or let her make choice by herself. Until now, I still has such kind of problems, for example, using Chinese medicine or not, doing Qigong or not, eat some supplement or not….

I think maybe this kind of struggles is a path that we ( Patient’s family )all have to walk on. I am very sorry for your Mom passed away, but I still hope you can release your sorrow soon. Just like jmoneypenny wrote “You did the best you possibly could, and she loved you for it.”

Elicia,
So sorry for the loss of your mother. Please try not to second-guess your decisions (though we all do it) – as others said, there are no right answers with this cancer. My mother also had tumors just in the liver, but there were so many of them, and it’s considered metastasis Stage IV if it’s in the liver, so it usually IS completely hopeless. My mother tried chemo and I believe it hastened her death, so really, you never do know. But she wouldn’t have last that long, anyway – once the liver is afflicted that heavily, there usually is not much time. My mother lasted two months after diagnosis.

You are a WONDERFUL and CARING daughter and I’m sure your mother told you how much she loved you, in actions if not in words. You did the best you possibly could, and she loved you for it.

Joyce M

Dear Elicia…..how fortunate for your Mom to have been surrounded by her family and all due to your loving intervention. This cancer does not play fair with us and I am so sorry to see someone as young as you having to become the caretaker and decision maker for your Mom. Peace to you and I am wishing for your heart to begin to heal…one day at a time.
All my love,
Marion

Dear Elicia,
How wonderfully you managed to care for your mom,bringing her back with you like that.My sincere condolences to you and your family.
Kind regards Janet

Elicia, we are so very sorry about your mom. Now she has found peace without
pain and you must know how fortunate she felt to have you by her side through her journey. Mothers never really leave you know, she will always be watching over you and forever in your heart. Our prayers go out to you and your family.

Dear Elicia,

I am so sorry that things are not going well for your Mom, but atleast now you have help. I think the most important thing is to keep her as comfortable & pain free as possible.

Make the most of what time you have left with her and know that you are doing your best by her. We all know what you are going through and it isn’t easy for anyone, the patient or the care givers and family.

Please keep in touch and let us know how things are going. We are all here for you.

Your Mom, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Love & Hugs,
Darla

well hospice has started, even before we were “Medi Cal pending” you guys were right. Thank you! They are helpful. My mom wants another paracentesis (spell). Her hospice Dr, says it may shorten the time she has left, but she is so looking forward to it, not doing it would kill her spirits (it will be her 6th one). She is suffering, no matter how much meds we give her. Zofran or Zophran is a God send, the only med to keep her from throwing up all day and night. Not covered by hospice..of course! Why would it be:/ it’s like 50 bucks a pill, so we use them as our last hope. Thanks for all your well wishes, please keep her in your prayers. We are praying that her last journey be without pain and suffering! Thanks again, Elicia