What to do when the end seems so near?
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Annie,
I was sorry to hear that your mother-in-law has passed away. Yes, for her to no longer be suffering is a blessing, but I know how hard it is for your father-in-law. I have been there and it just takes time. I too am thinking of you and your family at this sad and trying time.
Hugs,
DarlaDear Annie,
I am so very sorry indeed to hear of the passing of your dear MIL, please accept my sincere condolences. She did indeed fight and as you say she is now at rest and cancer free. I wish I could say something that would help right now but please know that we are all here for you and my thoughts are with you and your family right now.
Hugs,
Gavin
Annie, I’m so very sorry that your MIL has passed away. Grieving is very individual and doesn’t happen overnight. Give your FIL as much time and opportunity to grieve as he needs. When someone tries to squash their grieving, it doesn’t keep it from happening, it only delays it. If he wants to talk about his wife, let him talk and share. They were together for over 52 years …and yes, there aren’t that many who can say that. The Mother’s Day BBQ was a wonderful thing to do and I’m sure it helped him ,and you all , a lot. Sharing special times with dad to keep her memory alive for him is an important part of the grieving process…and will help him to realize that others still remember and haven’t forgotten. Prayers to you and your family for continued healing and comfort.
Dear Annie, I am so sorry about your brave Mother-in-law but she gave a valiant try to stay. Your FIL will take some time. The people who think there is a time limit for grief have never lost a piece of their heart. He should take all the time he needs. No rule book. No time frame. No judgment. Grief is as individual as a fingerprint.
Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn’s rain,
When you awaken in the morning’s hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die. By Mary Elizabeth Frye
For everything beautiful that you see
will bring a memory of me.Annie,
I’m so sorry to hear that your Mother-in-law passed and that your father-in-law is taking it so hard (understandably). It sounds like you have a strong family support system, which will be helpful to all of you. I’m glad that she was able to pass peacefully, knowing that your husband will care for everyone.
Sending healing thoughts your way.
Debbie
Hi Guys
I am sorry to say that my mom-in-law passed away on Sunday 03 May at 17:44 .
She did fight to the bitter end, and her last week was an emotional rollercoaster.
She was admitted to hospital with severley dehydrated kidneys, and she was in a terrible state.
The whole family stayed with her round the clock taking turns even though she was not always totally “there” with us. On Sunday eveneing my husband told her he would take care of the whole family, she looked up at him, smiled and closed her eyes for the last time….
We had her funeral on Friday the 8th, and the Church was packed with so many people it was truly amaizing!
My father-in-law is taking it very badly – they were married for almost 52 Years!
How many people can say that they have been able to do that?
We held a HUGE BBQ on Mothers’ day at his house to celebrate her.As much as I miss not being able to lay next to her in bed and just chat over the days’ expierience, i am glad that she is resting now without pain, and CANCER FREE!!!
Annie –
Sounds like you have been through pretty much everything. It sounds like a lot has been done….I am with Lainy though and maybe a second or third opinion. I also thing it might be time to ask you MIL what she wants to do. Does she sill want to keep fighting or is quality of life more important that quantity of life? That might give you the best idea of what to do. If she is done with chemo and all that then I would look into some sort of palliative care or hospice care. This would help all of you deal with this time of her life. Staying positive is hard while you are going through all this….sometimes its just smiling about the little things.Best wishes,
KrisVDear Annie, I am so very sorry to hear the journey your MIL and all of you have had to take. I am wondering if you have ever gone for a second opinion? We are huge believers in 2nd and 3rd opinions. I do have a list of what to expect towards the end and will email it to you if you feel you are ready for that. My husband followed it pretty closely and it started about 2 -3 weeks before.
You can help your MIL stay more positive by showing her you are all positive. Attitude will get anyone sick or not, very far. We dealt with the journey using humor from the very beginning. When my husband was DX he was jaundice and I looked at him and said, “you know I don’t like you in yellow”. We handled it with humor all the way. You can email me through this site by clicking on my name LAINY at the left of the post. Best wishes.Hi All
My mom-in-law was diagnosed almost 3 years ago, and has been to hell and back with this disease!
She was on chemo – had ALL the side effects imaginable (except hair loss can you believe it).
She had hand and foot disease- toe nails fell off, could keep her hands and feet cool at all. She had the nausea, the extreme fatigue, the loss of appetite etc etc.
Then we were lucky enough to get her to undergo Selective Internal Radiation Treatment.
That seemed to put her 10cmx9cm tumer in it’s place – it was dormant for quite a while, but she went onto oral chemo pills just to keep everything under control.
The side effects flared up again, and January this year her oncologist decided to take her off all treatment as the side effects were seriousely making her “quality of life” non existant.
Her abdomen started retaining fluid – which was duly drained off in hospital for a while, then it became apparant that she needed a catheter so that we could drain her at home every 2 days.
That went well for a while, but last week it started leaking, and now she has a bag over her catheter. What is going to happen next? What more can we do to help her stay positive?
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