What Would YOU Do?
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Donnysgirl,
I quit my job to be with my daughter through all of this. There are pros and cons to this. I am always there for her if she needs me. She doesn’t need me all that much a lot of the time and I think she finds it annoying that I am always around. The main thing is that I can drive her the 3 1/2 hours to and from her chemo and doctor appointments. We didn’t get to see each other that much before she got cancer because we worked different shifts. It hurts our family financially with me not working, but I want to be there for Lauren and I told her when she was first diagnosed that I would always be there for her. It is up to you and Donny to decide what is best. I am fortunate in that my husband has a good job and we can squeak by financially. It would be nice to have a job that would be flexible with time off, but mine was not and if I had continued to work there I would’ve been fired for taking too many days off, so my mind was kind of made up for me. Take care and I wish you all the best.
Love, -Pam
Donnysgirl,
My husband offered to stay with me everyday and I said no….I want a normal life. Also, I knew the kids would think that I wasn’t going to be around very long. Well I plan on being here and fighting cc for a long time. Sometimes I say I want my old normal life back but this is my new normal and I am embracing everyday with joy.
LisaThank you all very much for your responses. It is so reassuring hearing that having some normalcy is a good positive thing rather than smothering him and also giving up parts of my life. I do need to breathe sometimes as much as I hate to admit it. You all are so kind. I really appreciate the support system here.
Donnysgirl:
As a cc patient, I can give you my side: if your company will allow you a more flexible schedule maybe you can take an occasional extra afternoon off or 1 day every couple of weeks. Some companies will even let you work extra hours to make up for the time. That would do both things: give you more time with him without smothering him.
I have to tell you that I find your post ironic because I’m trying to get back to a more normal life for a period of time so I can find a part time job!!! Every time I think I can start looking, something changes and I’m back to waiting for results from some test or other… I would LOVE to have more of a “normal” life!!
My prayers are with him that he continues to do well. My response to the family member is a resounding “raspberry”. He has responded well to chemo and there’s no reason to believe he won’t be around for a while. They are making medical advances all the time in the fight against cc. In the 16 months I have been fighting I have seen chemo trials change, radiation advances and the percentage of survival over 5 years has jumped quite significantly. I figure the longer I stick around the better my chances I get to stick around even longer.Hey-
well in your situation i am not sure what i would do… i feel like i might have the same question. In my situation, it’s my mom. And while i have taken A LOT of time off of work to visit with her.over the past 8 months,.. (i live in the west and she the east) My job is such that it allowed me the freedom to take the time and not get paid, but keep my job. HOWEVER, my siblings and i kept reminding each other that keeping it normal (my mom’s life) was also very very important to her state of wellbeing. I think my brother said it best ‘stop treating her like a patient’ and let her live!
it’s hard… because i also strongly believe that you should take each opportuntity you are given to be with your love. I guess finding that balance is the key. I would agree with Lainy (from experience) try to keep it as normal as possible. and IF that day comes when they say hospice- act accordingly. I also sgree that it is HIS choice as well as yours… i know it irked the hell out of my mom to be fussed about, so not having Donny’s OK if your decision could be a bad thing. Good Luck- he is lucky to have such a devoted and passionate g=friend!Donnie’s Girl, Liz said it so well. I’d just like to add that this relative doesn’t know of what they speak. While we never know since we were not born with expiration dates, my own feeling is to have life go on a normal as possible, life is for the living even if it is with CC. You have time for what you are planning and not until the Doctor says, it’s time to call in Hospice would I change anything. IF you still feel strongly about quitting work then an open and frank discussion needs to be held with Donny. The decision belongs to you both. Best of luck.
My Boyfriend Donny was diagnosed with Gallbladder cancer and 10 % CC back in June. He has had 4 Chemo treatments and a scan yesterday that showed the tumors had all shrunk and some were even gone (in the liver)! This is great news, and I couldn’t be happier to hear that. That being said, I have been told there is little hope for his recovery by a close family member. I don’t know where she is getting this information as I know the internet can be a dangerous place to look, or if it is coming directly from the doctor. I have been so hopeful and positive, and as I continue to be it has also scared me into thinking I have very very limited time left with him.
I have been battling with the idea of taking off work and how to do it. A leave of absense would be the easiest, but then my boyfriend would be supporting me and paying all of my bills (we do not live together). While I am coming around to the idea, I am concerned that I’ll take time off work use a bunch of his money that he could be saving and maybe he will have lots and lots of time left. Or do I take time off work so I have no regrets and see what happens.
In all my ramblings, I’m wondering what would you do? He is doing really well and responding to chemo great with no real side effects other than fatigue, pain, and occasional neasea. I don’t want to jump the gun, but I also don’t want to miss out on any time I could have with him. I’m very confused to say the least, and I get the idea he wants me there with him.
I know every situation is different, and everyones decisions would be different also, but it would be helpful to hear what you all have to say. Thank you again for listening!
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