Will it ever end!

I would like to introduce myself, my name is Tracy. Honestly, I feel like a victim of two horrific diseases that have come into my life. You see, in the late 80’s I watched my father die of AIDS. I thought to myself, “ok, I can get past this, there are other things more traumatic than this.” He died in his sleep. I was wrong! Back in April of 2007 my mother had to be admitted because she was jaundiced. They discovered she had two huge masses on both sides of her liver. Of course, being in the health care field, I knew the outcome and I was shattered. My mom, Linda, was such a strong person, she was a single parent when my parents divorced, she had little money, she was a housewife so she had no job back then. In my eyes, she was a hero to many woman like herself. She went through some really bad times, like taking stuff to pawn shops just to buy some hamburger for us that night. She also went through a “drinking” stage which was not a good time but she won that battle, realizing that if she did not stop she would turn into an alcholic. I was 8 years old then. She was so independant, she had no debt, knew how to save money, and was funny as all get out. At the time of her illness, she still tried to keep a smile on her face, even though she was in so much pain. We laughed one day when she said, ” Well, moriphine is now my new BFF” Even though I think she knew she was not going to make it, I believe she went through cemo treatments just for my sake. She lived with us till her death 2 months later.
This disease was horrific on her body, she could not eat, drink, etc. but she still got up in the morning, tried to drink a cup of coffee put on her hat, which by the way she says made her look like a dork! and go out and sit on our deck, all day. She would comment about the dragonflies and wondered why there were no monarch butterflies. My mom died in my arms, she did not know what was happening to her when this happened. In some sort of way I envy the other grieving family members that their loved ones passed away more peacefully. Till this day I still break down because of how she died. It has by far been the most devasting ordeal that I have had to go through. Even though I do not know the members of this group but I wish I could take away your pain, I wish I could just take this disease and laugh at it because it can not hurt anyone anymore. Since her death I now have an abundance of Monarch Butterflies where I live.