carlynrb

Today was hard. We had a few lucid moments but mostly Mom is asleep. No food today. Some water she had a small amount of protein shake with banana.
The scariest moment was after dinner I couldn’t wake her. I was yelling and shaking her, everyone came in the room. We called Hospice and they said keep trying and they would be over. She was still breathing but totally unresponsive. Then our little dog jumped on the bed (she has never been in the hospital bed) and she woke up! It took awhile but she started talking some, we tried to get her up but she is totally bed ridden. I am unsure is she will wake on the morning. The nurse said because of the high ammonia, bilerubin and other chemicals building up she may fall onto a comma, she will be able to hear us but won’t be able to respond. It’s ok, I prayed for peace and comfort. She is only having morphine every eight hours nothing else. She is in no pain. I will miss her.

Blessings on your journey,
Carlyn

Shar, I love that name my mom’s youngest sister has the same name I am so glad someone on this site said I could call hospice up to a year ahead, I did and I am so glad I did. They have been wonderful telling me what to expect and just very calming and encouraging. When my mom’s symptoms changed overnight I called and they came right over and gave her a quick assessment. That gave me peace that I was responding correctly and not overreacting or being overly dramatic. Call them for YOU and your MOM.

Marions, They brought me the book you are referring to today. It was a short read but worth it . The hospice lady said of course she cannot predict the time of death but we are possibly within two weeks. She is quickly experiencing most of the signs that book talks about. I have been short with her a few time but it is mostly because I am scared about living with out her. Frustrated that it is not her anymore it’s the cancer. I feel that she is already gone.

Blessings on your journey,
Carlyn

We talked to the doctors and they said most likely the chemo would only make her sick and weaker. She chose hospice, she is done with all the procedures.
We had her home Thursday and Hospice came Friday morning (Loma Linda discharge team had everything ready including a hospital bed already delivered by the time we returned home Thursday night).
I reached deep and I have been draining and emptying bags of “stuff” that makes me gag. It’s hard but when I think of the alternative of her being in facility I am glad I am doing it.
It’s much more difficult to watch her suffer emotionally than I ever expected. I think she is deteriorating very fast but IDK because I have never done this. She suddenly can’t remember things and is unresponsive to my question at different times of the day. She is very bloated in the abdominal area, legs and arms (I guess everywhere). I am worried about too much medication so I am sticking to her normal schedule of every 8 hours for morphine and if she has break though a norco but only one between the morphine. She has used a few things in the Hospice kit for anxiety, but that’s it so far, and she seems to be comfortable. Sleeping 15-20 hours. We had a bath today and washed her beautiful hair.
Some people might say I drew the short stick geographically by my living closest I get stuck with taking care of all this. I told her that I would gladly choose the short stick for all the tea parties, scrap booking, piano recitals, graduations and birthdays we have shared over the past ten years that we have lived close.
Digging deep!
Blessings to you on your journey,
Carlyn