darla
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Charlotte,
So many of us lately are in pretty much the same situation as you. As Pauline said, it helps us a lot to come onto this site and express our feelings to others who understand because we are all dealing with the same terrible loss. This whole grieving process is something none of us expected to be dealing with. Comfort comes from knowing we are not alone and leaning on each other for strength & support.
I like you, wonder why this had to happen to us. We also had a wonderful marriage and so many more things we wanted to share & do together. Life is just so unpredictable & so unfair. I would just like to stay in bed forever, but I force myself to get up & get on with things, as I know that Jim would not want me to give up. He is always on my mind and tears are never far from the surface, but I do try to keep going. I keep telling myself that he will be in my heart forever along with all the wonderful memories of our time together. That can never replace having him here with me, but it is all I have left to keep me going.
Keep in touch Charlotte and you also, Magic. We are all here for you if you need us.
Much love & hugs for both of you.
Darla
Ralf,
Welcome. I am also glad that you have found this site, but sorry that you have the need to be here. As Pam has said, this disease is so unpredictable. What works for one does not work for another. There are so many questions & not many answers. The only thing we know for sure about this disease is that we don’t really know anything for sure.
As Pam suggested, search the site as there is a lot of knowledge here. I also am sure you will be hearing from others that can give you some help and answers to your questions.
My thoughts & prayers are with you & Fiona. I will be hoping for the best for you on your journey with this horrible relentless disease.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaMagic,
I know how isolated & alone you are feeling. All of us who have recently lost a loved one are feeling the same. Just remember that you are not alone. We are all here to help & support each other. I have gotten so much comfort & strength from the wonderful, compassionate people on this site. We are all traveling this road of the grieving process together and are here for you when you need us.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaTom,
I too am so sorry that you are going through this, especially as you are so young. As Pam said, come here anytime you need to talk. Everyone on this site is so helpful & supportive.
I will be hoping for the best for you and will keep you & your family in my thoughts & prayers.
Darla
Natasha,
Everything Joyce has stated is so true. I too am so sorry you & your family must go through this along with myself & everyone else here who has or is going through this painful situation. Try to stay strong & know that we are all here for you when you need us. I will keep you, your Mom & your family in my thoughts & prayers.
Love,
DarlaMagic,
I am so sorry for your loss and truely understand & sympathize with the grieving that you are now experiencing. My husband passed away at the age of 62 a little more than 5 months ago. He too had never been ill in the 45 years we were together. Our situation was very similar to yours. His first symptoms were only about 2 months before he passed on. He wasn’t definitively diagnosised with CC until 1 week before he passed away.
I am glad you have found this site, but sorry for the reason you have had to seek it out. I found this site a few days after my husband passed away & am truely grateful for all of the wonderful people here. They are all so loving & supportive. You will find that everyone here understands what you are going through & are more than willing to give you help & a kind word when you most need it. Come back often, even just to vent your feelings.
Remember that your husband is no longer in pain or suffering from this terrible disease. He is now at peace and will live on in your heart and memories forever. Take care of yourself now. He would want you to be strong & go on. I know how hard that is to do right now, as I too am still grieving my loss & having a hard time adjusting to life alone. I think we all hoped for more. Know that you are in my thoughts & prayers.
Darla
Hi Everyone,
I’m glad you will be able to keep in touch with us Pauline. It was nice of your kind neighbors to give you such a warm welcome. It sounds like a beautiful place to be to remember Anthony, but as you said, also so sad to be there alone.
It does appear that we are all rather low these days. I too am hoping things will improve a little when the weather gets nicer. Adjusting to living life alone, going places & doing things alone that you always did together is just so hard, isn’t it? I rather feel like a part of me is gone too. It is like part of me went with Jim when he passed on. I like your explaination Pauline of trying to keep a float with no real direction & no shore in sight. Your counsellor is right, it is exhausting, but it is exactly how we all seem to be feeling.
Joyce, I think we all seem to get teary or cry at even the smallest of things, but the Missouri River does seem a little much!
However, we do all understand.Sue, I hope things are going a little better for you these days.
I really don’t know if anything can make any of this better or easier, but we can all hope for an early spring and maybe that will help a little.
Every one take care & keep in touch.
Love & Hugs,
Darla
Dear Carol,
I think you are right, you are already grieving. I have discussed this with others where they had to deal with this horrible disease for any length of time & they felt that the grieving process started for them well before their loved one actually passed on.
My experience was so much the opposite of yours. My husband passed on within 7 weeks of when he first showed symptoms. He appeared to be normal & health until then except for a few aches & pains & a little fatigue, but at 62 you think that is just normal. We really thought they would find out what was wrong & fix it. Even after he was diagnoised, we thought we had atleast 6 months. He passed away 1 week later. For him that was good, as he only suffered for a short time, however, it has been over 5 months & I still can’t really believe this has happened to us. I am having a very hard time now with my grieving as I was not prepared at all for him to leave me so soon.
I don’t know that either situation is better than the other or easier to go through. It is so very hard no matter what. Losing a loved one to CC has got to be one of the worst experiences anyone can go through. I didn’t even know I would be losing him & thought we could handle what ever we had to face. Now I am facing life alone.
In some ways I am grateful that he did not suffer long & that I did not have to watch him deteriorate for many months or years, but then again I think we didn’t have the time to adjust to this & to say & do all the things we would have wanted to.
Unfortunately we aren’t given a choice in these matters. We just have to deal with what we are given. I am so sorry for what you & your family are going through, but believe me when I say that I do know how you are feeling & truely understand. Try to stay strong & to take time for you too, so you can be there for Charlie & the rest of your family.
I will keep you & your family in my thoughts & prayers. Remember we are all here for you when ever you need us.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaHopeandGrace,
I can only echo what everyone else has already said. Your post will touch a lot of people, myself included, and help them through their day & their journey with this horrible disease and the grief that follows. I too want to wish you & your family comfort & peace. I have no doubt that your faith & understanding will help you through.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaPatsy,
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. Atleast he is now at peace & no longer suffering or in pain. He will be with you forever in your heart & memories. My thoughts & prayers are with you & your family.
Darla
Good Morning Everyone,
I can totally relate to what you are feeling Sue. It is actually warmer & sunny here in Wisconsin today too, but I like you am sad & lonely. Maybe we need to not read & listen to the news, as it all seems to be bad & getting worse. It just seems like everything has gotten worse since our husbands passed on, doesn’t it? We are all sad & alone, the world is such a mess & the US economy is really in the toliet. Then all this terrible bad weather. I guess we should be grateful for days like today, but it is so hard to enjoy them when feeling the way we do.
I too am just trying to motivate myself, but you are right, sometimes it is just too hard. I do have the shop, and most days that does help. At least it makes me get up & get going, but some of the people & things I encounter during the day are hard to handle. Some days I do OK and others are not so great. I guess we all just need to try to adjust to this new life we are being forced to lead and try to carry on the best we can. Easier said then done!
So, enough of that! Everyone try to have a good day. I am always thinking about all of you & hoping that together we will all get through this. One Day At A Time.
Love & Hugs to all,
Darla
Dear Charlene,
I am glad you seem to have found a job that is comforting to you. It does sound like you need to get out of the house, especially now. In theory it sounded as if it would be good to have your daughter & the children there with you, but it doesn’t sound like it is really working for you. I am sorry that she does not seem to be able to understand and support you in your grieving. Also, dealing with all the “drama” my be a bit too much for you right now. 6 months is a long time. I know it may seem better than being alone, but if it gets to be more than you can handle, you may want to rethink the whole situation. You do need to take care of yourself right now. That is the most important thing.
I am hoping that the support group you have joined is helpful to you. Let us know how that is going.
Take care Charlene. I will be thinking of you & hoping things are going OK. Remember, we are all here for you when you need us. Even if it is just to vent your feelings.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaDaleymom,
I can only agree with & reinforce what Pam has said. I know how your Mom is feeling as I too felt that way. Everything Pam said is so true. It all felt & still does feel so surreal. It does feel like you are in the Twilight Zone. I was overwhelmed & trying to keep up with everything while also keeping our lives as close to normal as I could, which we all know is not possible when dealing with this terrible disease. There is no normal! I too wanted to be in control & take care of everything myself, but that just isn’t possible. I found it hard to admit I was not able to control all of this and to ask for help & support. I did need the help & support of my family & did accept that and am so greatful for all the support I got & still am getting from them.
Just be there for your Dad & Mom when you can & know that they do appreciate it. You sound like a very caring, supportive daugther.
Also, as Pam stated, you do need to take care of yourself & try to get your Mom to do the same, as you both will need all the help & strength you can muster to help & support your Dad through this, terrible journey that none of us want to take.
I am hoping for the best for you & your family. I will keep all of you in my thoughts & prayers. Remember that you are not alone. We are all here for you.
Darla
Joyce,
I think that is exactly what we are doing, groping & stumbling in the dark. Trying to find our way.I was talking to someone today who I thought was understanding where I was coming from until he said “Why don’t people realize that you are beyond that point in grieving & don’t need to be reminded of it?” Who says? Apparently, he didn’t really understand what I was trying to say & how I am really feeling. Everyone thinks we are doing well & moving on with our lives. Why can’t they see that is only on the surface? Inside we are still full of the emptiness, grief, loss & pain. Did that make any sense? How can you be full of emptiness? That is how I am feeling tho’.
I’m glad your boss is willing to back off a little & give you some space. I agree. I don’t really think any of us are even at 50% yet. Maybe 5%?
Sue,
I don’t hear anything from most of the people that both Jim & I though would be so supportive either. Maybe it is out of sight out of mind. That way they can go on with their lives thinking everything is OK. I know we have talked about this before. If and when it happens to one of them, will they remember how they reacted to our grief? Will it make a difference? Who knows.Pauline,
Try to enjoy your time in Italy. I know it is sad, but it also holds a lot of great memories. I know it is not the same as having Anthony there with you, but that is all we have now is those memories to cling to.Everyone take care. I hope you all had a good enough weekend.
Love,
DarlaGood Morning Everyone,
Well said Pauline. I do agree with everything that you said. I think that grieving is almost a full time job on its own. It is really hard to take on anything else. I too am fortunate that I can work as much or as little as I want. If I had to go to work everyday all day I don’t think I could face that right now either. It does help to do something tho’ or we would all just stay in bed doing nothing and feeling sorry for ourselves (not that we don’t have every right to feel like doing that after all we have been through).
Sue, I think that supporting your friend is very commendable and may even be of some help to you, but as Pauline said, you need to take care of yourself, too.
I do keep the shop open on Saturday, but am closed on Sundays & Wednesdays. I am off to meet my family for breakfast. It is nice to be able to get together with them now & then. As you all know, Sundays are hard & it is nice to be able to have something to look forward to. I need all the support I can get right now.
I am thinking of all of you too. Here it is sunny & a bit warmer than it has been, which does help a little.
Everyone take care.
Love,
Darla
