darla

Hi Hope & Grace,

I don’t have any answers for you either, but do want to welcome you to the site and wish you & your family all the best on this journey with CC that no one wants to take. I can tell you that you have come to the right place. The people here are all wonderful people & they all know what you are going through & are willing to help with information and support or just to listen when you need to vent. Take care and know that we are all here for you.

Darla

Charlene,

I agree with Jeff that keeping a journal does help. I couldn’t bring myself to start right away, but after 2 months I did start a journal & have been writing in it every day since. I talk to Jim & tell him how I am feeling, both good & bad, angry or sad. There is nothing that you can’t express in the journal & it does help. It seem to comfort me to do this & I do feel at times that he is communicating with me in his own little ways as he is able. It is not always in the way I want or expect or in obvious ways, but in smaller less obvious ways that are comforting me. I also truely believe. Some day I will go back & read these journals & hopefully I will see that even though I do not feel I am progressing forward on this journey through grief, that I am, one tiny step at a time. As Jeff said, all you need to do is be strong enough to take that first step.

Darla

Gavin,

I am hoping that things will start to look better for you & your family in the new year. I think Jeff is right that the season, weather, short days and long dark nights, etc. just adds to our burdens. Thanks Jeff for posting that to remind all of us, no matter what stage of this journey we are dealing with, that we need to keep busy and try to shake it off & stay strong. I am hoping that as Spring nears & it gets warmer & lighter out and the days grow longer & the nights shorter it will lift my spirts & easy the pain some. I am also hoping for that for you & everyone else that is dealing with this horrible disease.

Jeff I am glad that you and your family had a good Christmas. Hang in there & try to stay strong. You have been so much help & comfort to all of us here and we are all here to help & support you too.

I will keep you all in my thoughts & prayers.

Darla

Dear Pauline, Joyce & Sue,

I too have been crying off & on most of the day. It truely is so painful. I am thinking of Jim all the time and do not sleep well either. I do have moments when I feel as if he is here with me & that does give me some comfort. It is going to be hard getting through the next few days, but I too am going to do my best. I am thinking of all of you. Take care & try to make it through as best you can.

Love & Hugs To All Of You,

Darla

Hi Everyone,

Sue, you do seem to have a great attitude. I think we need to follow your lead a little. Pauline, I agree we may need to make more of an effort in the new year. My Mom is more like your’s Pauline, Of course, she has never had to go through what we are going through. She lived at home until she married & has been with my Dad ever since. They are 82. Sue, I agree that your Mom does understand as she too has had to deal with losing a spouse. You are lucky to have her. I am hoping she is right & that Pauline & I will one day be able to see beyond those last days to the fond memories. Sue I also like your concept of seeing the same things in a different way & time. It is comforting.

The weather here is exceptional bad this year. We also had quite a bit of snow last year, so I was hoping this year wouldn’t be so bad. The years before that were much milder. Hopefully the new year will bring better weather too. I do have people close by & they are willing to help me out when needed. One of our sons also lives not too far from me.

Joyce, I hope you are doing OK. I think we are all doing as good as can be expected under the circumstances. I will be thinking of all of you. Take care everyone. Talk to you again soon.

Love,
Darla

Have they given her anything for the nausea? You may want to suggest it. Also, there are other things they can do for pain. Possibly a patch or intraveniously. My husband never wanted to be on too much pain medication either, but they explained to him that there is nothing wrong with useing it when needed. This disease is bad enough without having to be in a lot of pain too! As for her children, all you can do is be there to support them when they need you. CC is a horrific disease & it is hard on everyone involved. The patient, caretakers & family. It is good that she is in good spirits. I will be hoping that you can all have a nice Christmas despite this awful disease. Take care & tell the kids to take care of themselves too so that you can all be strong for your sister, their Mother.

Cyber Hugs To All Of You,
Darla

Dear Pauline,

I also am so glad that we have each other. especially now, when each day I seem to be finding it harder & harder. Atleast we are crying together & hopefully one day we will also be able to smile again & maybe even laugh again together.

I am having a hard time with certain memories, too. I am trying to remember all those times, as unknown to us they would be our last & I am frustrated at not being able to recall things either. Since Jim didn’t even have any symptoms until the middle of July, I never dreamed that he would not be here to share a lot more memories with me and how important those memories would become.

It is the same with the dreams, I haven’t dreamed about him much like I had hoped I would & I can not recall most dreams when I wake, up no matter how hard I try. Maybe I am trying too hard & need to just relax & let go, then the dreams & memories would come. Who knows. Just a thought.

I don’t know what I will do to keep busy today. We had a lot more snow again last night & now it has gotten frigidly cold, so I won’t be going anywhere. I also don’t feel it will pay to open the shop as who would come? So here I will stay, alone, trying to keep my mind occupied. I don’t even want to go out & shovel all that snow as it is way too cold out there!

I hope the rest of you have better luck surviving the day. It really is hard isn’t it? Just when you think you are doing a bit better something else happens to knock the wind right out of you again! Atleast we all have each other to lean on to keep us going. Try to have a good day everyone or atleast to get through it the best you can. Take care and know that I am thinking about all of you.

Love & Hugs To All,
Darla

Dear Charlene,

I know how you are feel about those around you not really understanding the full extent of your grief. Everyone has to deal with grief in their own way and in their own time. There are no rules or time frames. Unless they have been through it they have no idea of how painful it is. Everyone here does know what you are going through as many of us are going through it too. I can relate to almost everything that you have said. Jim & I were also that close and I miss all of those things that we shared. I also experience the fatigue and emptyness inside. Our lives have been left with a great void that we just aren’t ready or able to fill. We spent so much time taking care of our loved ones & now they are gone & we are left alone to grieve and try to pick up the pieces of our lives. I too get angry at Jim & ask him why he left me here alone to deal with all of this, but I know that given a choice he would not have chosen to leave me here alone. It was out of his hands & mine. I also know that he would not want me to feel like I do, but it sure is hard not to. Many of us have experienced problems with things in & around our homes, including problems with vehicles, etc. Both Joyce & I are also dealing with a lot of snow & cold weather which we never had to do before as our husbands took care of it all. I know that the holidays are going to be hard for all of us. All we can do is try to get through it all as best we can. Atleast we know that we can come here for support or even just to vent our feelings when we need to. Take care of yourself Charlene and keep in touch. We are all here for you.

Lots Of Love & Hugs,
Darla