dawnl

Thank you for your response. It is comforting to hear that your Teddy passed on the chemo and that he didn’t regret the decision.

She is putting off the decision till after Jan 1. If she decides not to do it, we will definitely get in touch with Hospice right away.

We’ve been very busy in the memory making department with new, monthly get togethers with her family, a rented house/cabin up north with friends for NYE, a trip to Hawaii booked for January and one to Florida booked for February!

I’ve been reading a lot of other stories and am so scared about how sick she may get as things progress and how long this will go on. I’ll use up all of my vacation and sick time before March between doctor appointments and our trips…and I know I won’t want to work as she gets sicker. I can’t stand the thought of being away from her when she is in pain or scared or sad. On one hand (and it feels absolutely horrible to say this) I hope it goes fast. I don’t want her to suffer and I have no idea how I will be able to handle it all. On the other hand, I want every possible second that we can have together, no matter how or where those seconds are, which sounds pretty selfish.

Also, does anyone else feel like a constant failure?? I can’t do anything really to help her…I am borderline useless at work…I rarely have the energy to do or think about anything else besides how we are going to get through this…I feel like I am not there for friends and family even though they have all been so amazingly supportive for us…I try to always be supportive for her but I know I say stupid stuff sometimes…it feels like I just keep coming up short and letting people down.

Thanks for responding and supporting!
Gastro appt was earlier this week followed by an MRI. She got the call this morning from the oncologist that read her scan (not her normal oncologist) but she had a hard time understanding what he was saying…basically what she got out of it was lymph nodes on the pancreas and PETscan to come. She has a message into her oncologist to get more info. I did a quick search online and mostly just saw pancreatic cancer but I know better than to rely too much on that. About a month after her liver resection, a post-op procedure caused pancreatitis, maybe it is related to that? Although the current pain has been pretty bad, she says it is nothing compared to pancreatitis.
Trying not to freak out. Praying for the best, for us and for all of you!
Dawn