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Hi there everyone! Sorry I’ve failed to update this post regularly. As I’m sure you all know, this disease (cancer in general) is exhausting.

Sometime last month, my grandma was readmitted to the hospital for weakness and shortness of breath. It was found that she had pneumonia and was septic with renal failure. She was intubated and sent to ICU. It was found that the site of infection was through the drains placed for her bilirubin. Miraculously, grandma hung on and made it through 5 days in ICU where she managed to be conscious and intubated at the same time…something that is not common!

At that point we discussed with our oncologist that they had nothing further to offer her. It was advised that we seek hospice, which we did. Our plans to head to MD Anderson in Houston were cancelled. She was discharged to her home with hospice supplying a bed, oxygen concentrator, and other supplies. We, the family (mostly my Mom and aunt) took care of her every single day since then. About a week ago we were told by hospice that they were estimating she had about 2-3 weeks left. Yesterday (March 31st) they came back to check on her and said they didn’t believe she had much longer than 24-72 hours. Grandma was surrounded by loved ones the entire day, with support from both friends and family. Sometime in the late evening she started to become unresponsive, still breathing, but not responding to anyone or acknowledging actions. We surrounded her in a prayer circle and each had our time to tell her what we needed to tell her. I’ll leave the specifics between her and I but I did share with her that it was okay to leave us, that we would continue on, and that we would see each other soon again. A couple more hours passed after this and I nestled my head next to hers to share more words. I let her know how much I loved her and how much she meant to me, I could feel a little movement from her head but didn’t think much of it until I asked her to squeeze my hand. I’d asked her earlier with no response. This time, I was surprised by a strong grip of my hand with hers. That was all I needed to know she was still there, in one way or another. We left her to be with her daughters (my mom and aunt) around 11pm and was unfortunately met with a phone call around 1am that she had passed. My aunt and Mom shared that my Grandma came-to before passing, sat up, and attempted to speak. My aunt assured her that it was okay to go and that everyone loved her. I believe she was looking for permission.

I can honestly say that I’m truly at peace. The encounters I’ve had with death in my life have all largely been sudden and unexpected. Grandma’s was a process and hard to watch. And while I’m sad, upset, and miss her like hell…I’m at peace knowing how blessed I was to spend my first 25 years of existence with her here on earth. She’ll now get to see firsthand the impact she has on all of us as we tell stories and pass on things we’ve learned from her to our own kids.

I look forward to seeing her again. For now, I’m excited to carry on her legacy. I know she’ll be watching and directing me from somewhere up above.

Thank you all for allowing this to be a place for thought sharing and support. I’ll continue to support the foundation in any form that I can.

Thank you for the welcome, Lainy! We reside in northeast Kansas, specifically the Topeka area. She is currently at Stormont-Vail Healthcare (where I actually work, I’m currently in respiratory therapy school). It’s a very good hospital, a Magnet hospital partnered with the Mayo Clinic. There’s also the University of Kansas Medical Center just about an hour east of us that’s pretty universally recognized as well. I’ve looked online at the John Hopkins Tumor Center as they have lots of information and diagrams online. Thanks for any help!