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Dear B,
I’m so sorry to hear of your boyfriend’s passing. It’s such a tough time and to have to recover from major surgery at the same time! I’m in awe of you handling all that stress at once. Thank God your surgery went well and the prognosis is good. Hope your recovery is quick and uneventful. My heart really goes out to you. You’ve really had a lot to contend with in such a short period of time. I hope you have a really good support from family and friends. You certainly have your friends here pulling for you.
Dianne

Hi Gigi,
I’m sorry you’re feeling so bad today. I’ve had those days too. My husband of 23 years passed away almost 5 months ago and sometimes I think it’s getting harder. My sister told me today she thinks I have a “low-grade” depression going on. No doubt about it! I don’t seem to care much about anything these days. Here’s hoping it gets easier for both of us as time goes on.
Dianne

Hi Mary,
Wow! I’m very impressed with how organized you are, and I strive to do that too. I understand completely your not wanting to stress your daughter out by talking too much about your feelings, fears, etc. but you should be able to talk, cry, or express yourself as much as you need too. For crying out loud, if you don’t have the right, who does? When my husband was very ill and he would start to cry, his brother would say to him not to let the dark thoughts in and try to focus on the positive. I knew he was trying to be helpful, so I kept my mouth shut but it made me so mad. My husband was dying, he knew it, and he wasn’t allowed to mourn? Geez, no ones ever said that to me when I cry and its a good thing too cause I might pop them one if they did! Chris and I had some of our most meaningful discussions during that time and I’m thankful for them. The point of all this rambling is that you deserve to be heard and be able to express your feelings. I saw Kris gave you her number and I’d like to add mine too. You can feel free to say anything you like. No judgements. 803-730-9041.
Take care,
Dianne

Hi Mary,
First let me say how sorry I am that you are going through this tough time. Hopefully things will improve for you very soon. From your post, it sounds as if your family is firmly in denial and this comes at your expense. No one really wants to talk about the end of their life or that of their loved one, but when someone has a life- threatening illness, it’s just the reasonable thing to do. If I were you, I would choose the family member I feel most comfortable with and trust the most and tell them what it is that you want should you be unable to make decisions for yourself and then fill out the legal paperwork that gives them the power to carry out your wishes. I’ve done it and I’m perfectly healthy (as far as I know anyway). Anything can happen to any of us at any time after all. My living will is as specific as I could make it, so that no one who reads it can be left with any doubt as to my wishes. This takes an enormous burden off the family at a very stressful time and it gives me peace of mind to know I have that base covered.
You know, perhaps a counselor would be helpful to you. Maybe speaking with someone who really does want to hear what you’re truly thinking, worrying about, etc. and can respond objectively would be beneficial.
Take care and hope you enjoy the rest of your vacation.
Dianne

Jeff,
I totally agree with you. We strive to live our entire lives with dignity and we shouldn’t have to give that up at the end. My husband and I were in total agreement about that and I worked hard to maintain that for him until the end. The key I think is to have your health care POA on the same page with you and a doctor that agrees with the plan. This is an extremely important issue that’s unfortunately also extremely sensitive. I wish you luck in your endeavors in this area, the progress has been frustratingly slow in my opinion.
Dianne

That’s awesome news! Congratulations.
Dianne

Susan,
Don’t stress over the biopsy and the loss of the transplant option. It’s likely that the cancer had already begun to metastisize even though it was too small for the PET scan to pick up and this would have ruled out that option anyway. The treatment choices made did not close that door, the cancer did. Forge ahead, and don’t look back.
Dianne