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Dear Amy,
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my John Nov.23 of 08.
I won’t go into my loss, this is for you.
I suggest you get a cat. I have found a great deal of peace since I got a cat. I know it sounds strange but my cat is there when I need to be loved, he’s there when I’m alone and am crying.
It will never replace your loved one but it will help you heal.Good luck,
CharleneGod Bless you and your family. One more angel to watch over the rest of us.
I pray God gives you peace and healing in the days to come.
Charlene
Heather,
My utmost sympathy to you! We here on this board can safely say we know what you are going through. It is so hard some days…but it will slowly get tolerable….then you’ll have days where it’s ok. I still have long crying days and moments of just utter, utter misery, but it does start to ease. My John passed Nov. 23rd 2008.
Our wedding anniversary was May 2nd. That was a horrible day for me.We never stop loving or missing the ones we lose but thank God He has made it possible for us to go on.
I wish I could fold you in my arms and help you with the pain. Just know we are here for you whenever you need us.
Peace and healing to you,
CharleneThank you I will. I’m not so sure about my cat though….lol I know he didn’t like driving to the vet. I feel so positive now. I will never forget the dream from my John. It was so happy and joyful. John just looked so beautiful. I miss him so very much.
You all are my extended family and I appreciate each and everyone of you.I will write as soon as I get settled in S.F.
Hugs and kisses to all,
CharleneThank you each and every one for your support. I want you to know that John came to me in a dream last night and he was absolutely beautiful and full of life. I believe he’s very happy I’m going back to San Francisco. He told me he loves me and is waiting for me. We were walking on the Golden Gate bridge and just looking at the bay. I got to hug him again and it felt sooooo good to be in his arms again.
It was so so wonderful to see him again. Every dream I have had about him so far has been sad and very stressful.
I’m leaving Thurs or Fri this week. My cat and I are going to drive home and see the country.
I will post again soon.I love you all so much. You’ve kept me from going over the edge many times.
God Bless and keep you all,
CharleneThank you so much for your kindness and understanding. I feel so loved here!
I don’t know how or who to contact for death benefits but John hadn’t worked for many years due to an on the job injury THEN got cc.My Mother In-Law has just had a stroke and has asked me to come back and live with her and care for her. We are like Mother Daughter. She has always been there for us so have decided to go home.
I am selling our home and will use some of the funds to get out of debt and put the rest into savings until she passes and I have to start over.
I want you all to know how much you mean to me and all the help you have given is amazing. I will keep in touch.
Cyndi, I know how hard it is right now. I too had thoughts of suicide but the wonderful people here brought me out of it.
I wish it was different for us all and I wish I could take all the pain away but it is a part of us now. I send you love and hugs from one lost soul to another. We will get through this as long as there are people like the ones on this forum.I love you all.
CharleneRose,
My John was like your man, refusing to give up. Just hang in there with him. I always agreed with John even when I knew in my heart he was going to die.
You must know though that he will die from this unless there is a miracle cure.
CCA is a death sentence every time. Some fight it longer than others but eventually it will take him.I know that sounds harsh but I’m telling you this to help you for the time he tells you, as my Husband did, he just can’t take anymore. My husband fought for 3 years and when he finally couldn’t take the pain from the chemo anymore, he was gone in about 3 months.
We are here for you 24/7. Your job of helping him as he dies is the hardest thing you will ever do. Make sure you tell him everything in your heart while there is time, hold him as much as possible and make sure he knows how much you love him.
Blessings and strenght to you,
CharleneHeather,
Don’t worry about what you say here. We are all in the same boat. I lost my husband John Nov.23 and know what you are going through.You are reeling as am I. You might have one moment a day for a while that is not rooted in despair, agony and being alone but it SLOWLY gets easier to bear.
I finally had to join a grief counseling group. The grief comes over me in waves of desperate anger, fear, wanting John back and not having the strength to hold it in another second. It was for me the best thing I have done since John died.
The group gives you the freedom to speak about what your friends and family really can’t understand.
You can cry, scream and fall apart and have people there who will not judge you and will help you through the hard times. They give you phone numbers of the counselors so that when you are alone in the middle of the night and are just falling apart they are there for you.
They are usually free to anyone and if you are a church person they almost always have grief counseling.I send my best wishes to you. I hope I have helped even a tiny bit. We need to stick together during our losses or we sometimes get so lost in the misery it is hard to find a way back.
With all my love and respect,
CharleneThank you all so much for your caring and compassion. I have got a new job in my vet clinic. Now I just deal with the animals which I love, it’s very calming.
You know it is so very hard to be focused and attentive to people when you can think of nothing else but missing your husband. At least at the clinic I don’t have to chat intelligently with the animals.I have joined a grief group, I go tonight at 6pm.
My daughter came to live with me with her 3 children, 13, 3 and 1. She was Johns step daughter and she wasn’t affected at all when he died, so she has no compassion when it comes to me grieving.
Her husband is gone until August and I thought it would be a good thing to have them live with me until he returns, but it is a nightmare. The 13 year old girl is going thru the horrid teen time and it just makes things around here very tense.
Well at least I’ll be out of the house for 40 hours every week and won’t have to deal with the drama.
Thank you ladies again and I will keep in touch,
CharleneThank you so much for the poem. It has eased my heart and lightened my sorrow.
I know John is with me every day and every night before bed I tell him how much I love and miss him. I will survive this and I know some day i will be with him again.
God bless you,
CharleneThank you all for listening. I am joining a support group tomorrow at a church, thanks Jeff.
Jeff, you are the strongest man I know. I wish you and John could have talked. To do what you do daily is amazing. There is a special place for people like you in heaven.
Joyce and Darla, I so want to thank you and also tell you how very sorry I am for the loss of your husbands. It’s so very strange to say the word “widow”. I was thinking about it the other day, I am 53 and a widow.
I’m so confused in my head as to what to do on a daily basis. I’m trying to get a job, I know I have to work but I just don’t want to. I’m afraid of having to deal with people again in my state of mind. I only have two more weeks of disability, I’m so afraid!Well I could go on all day so I won’t. God bless you all and thank you again.
CharleneTonia,
I know how you’re feeling. Thank God my John gave everything he wanted others to have Before he got really sick.
I could NOT have dealt with all the vultures at his death.When my Mom passed we had a few come out of the closet. I am sorry for your loss and I just want you to be stong and Not let people put everything on you.
Good luck to you and God Bless You,
CharleneAll I can say is “Thank you all from the bottom of my heart”. I am starting grief counseling tomorrow. The wonderful hospice who cared for John provides free counseling and anything else you might need for 3 months.
My regret is I left to go to Arizona a few days after John passed, I thought being with my family would help..it didn’t. My wonderful sister in-law called me and said she understood why I went BUT I couldn’t run from my grief.
She is so smart, that’s exactly what I was trying to do.I’m home now and waiting for John’s ashes to come home from the Science hospital where he donated his body. As soon as they come I will have him back and I will feel better I think.
Thank you again and I pray for your healing as well as mine.
My love to you all,
CharleneIt is so hard not having him here. I’ll think of something and say” I need to call John and tell him” and then realise he’s gone.
I miss him so much. i miss his touch, the way we used to finish each others sentences, the way we would be thinking the same thing at the same time and laugh and say” Great minds think alike”I’m so exhausted all the time missing him. I get so mad that he left me alone even though it wasn’t his fault. As soon as he passed away things started going wrong with our house.
John always did the repairs, I have no clue how to fix things. He should still be here happy and healthy with me.We need to grow old together. I’m in such pain all the time. I talk to John before I go to sleep and then cry. I can’t really explain correctly. I just am so full of pain and so empty at the same time. Where my heart was is an empty hole now.
I appreciate each one of you who are trying to help me. I get more compassion from everyone here than from my family. They think I should be getting over his death by now. It’s like the world has gone crazy and I’m the only sane one left.
Thank you all,
CharleneThank you all for everything, John passed away 2 weeks ago. He is finally out of pain.
I miss him terribly.
To each one of the people on this site I send my love and hopes of a cure soon so that no one else must go through this horror.
God Bless and keep each and everyone of you.
I love you all,
Charlene
