hana

My father passed away on June 5th, a day after my wedding ceremony at my Dad’s bedside. It was a beautiful event and my dad even though so weak and in pain smiled and cheered for us. He even managed to clap his hands as we walked in! He passed away exactly 30 hours later. I firmly believe that a person chooses the time when he decides to leave this world. In fact, after the ceremony, he told us that he can now leave this world peacefully and said he has reached his limit. He then turned to my fiance and told him “I trust you”.
The end happend rather abruptly. I was so fortunate to be with him until the very end. He even managed to crack a little joke 15 minutes prior to his passing. The last two days before his death, his breathing was very heavy on and off. His mouth was very dry but he managed to drink water even minutes prior to his death. He was unable to go to the bathroom for about a day and he kept wanting to go but couldn’t. He kept complaining of back pain because he was always lieing down so we tried to move him around a little. All of a sudden, his eyes rolled backwards and we could tell that we were losing him. And within seconds he was gone. Just like that.

I think every case is different and every person has their own unqiue experience at the end. My father while very tired and weak was had a 100% cohesive mind until the very end. My dad wanted to die in dignity and this he did. He stayed very sharp and responded to us even the last hour of his death. We did notice something different on his last day. Usually he had his eyes closed all the time during the last few days. But after my wedding ceremony by his bedside, that whole day, his eyes remained open. He stared out into the window and into the sky for hours the very last day and didn’t want us to leave his side which was a little unusual of him. He was in so much pain at the end but it was only on the last day that he started taking oral pain medicine. He was on the patch for about a month. I hope this information is helpful to those looking for what is in the end stage. Again, every patient’s experience is very unique. Just be with him or her and talk. I told my dad everything i have always wanted to say in the last few weeks of taking care of him. Nothing was left unsaid.

My dad is on Durogesic D- Trans patch to relieve his pain. He has been on it for the last 2 weeks and the effect is not as strong as before. Has anyone have experience with this patch? The doctor recommended that we use a patch and a half now. My dad is determined to not start on hard pain medication because he says he wants to stay as lucid as he can. While I believe that he is in severe pain, he does not express it to us. While he can barely talk, he is still adament that he will live until Tuesday.

My dad’s feet started swelling up today and his belly is very large. Everywhere else he is basically bones because he lost so much weight due to the cancer. I know this is hard to discuss, but can anyone share the last few days of your loved one’s life? I am trying to get as much information as possible to look for signs and prepare myself. My dad has refused all hospice care and it is just me and my mom at home taking care of my dad.