jmgrisolia
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Thank you Lainy, religion is important for her and she goes to church but I am skeptic about a priest… I think you pointed something very interesting. Its true that it seems that she is waiting for something or someone. Let me add one thing. I think she suffers of akathisia, impossibility of sitting down. It’s unbelievable. Even with morphine and other drugs in her body she wants to stand up. If I ask she says she feels exhausted but cannot sit down. She wants to walk and walk all the time. There is no peace here. Does she want all of us (we are a large family) staying around her?. This is very sad.
Another thing I’d like to add is that she is becoming addicted to certain medication such as alprazolam (Xanax in the US). We have locked the mediciones to avoid self-medication. When the night comes everything is worse, she become more agitated, crying but even without strenght to cry.
Thank you very much for all your comments that really helped me. There is something else I’d like to comment: I talked to her today. At the beginning her talking was slow but somehow coherent. After a while, however, she felt paranoid saying that everybody was treating her like a kid, whispering, conspiring… and, after saying this she ended crying. She has also many cravings. She wants to water the terrace, despite of the fact that there are no plants, she wants candies or this or that. Another important thing is that she does not want to sleep fearing of dying during sleeping. She even tries to avoid sitting down. She said “tomorrow I’ll be 50 and they [my brother, brother in law, elder sister,etc] treat me like a little kid”. Actually she is 50 in September so she has lost the consciousness of time.
Thanks, thanks, I feel much better now. I feel irritated with some people that talk about her like she has already dead, like making plans of the day after, etc. Its simply hurting. I am not going to give up until there her last breath. She does not want to die. I feel some doctors tend to just send you through palliative care.
But it seems that medicines of the family of alprazolam are not working at all. She had a hallucination of talking to my dad who passed away 12 years ago. She was very attached to him. She said “he is waiting for me”. It was devastating because I read that this might be a sign of death awareness which is common to a person few days before decesing.
Thanks a lot for your advice. It’s true it’s weird swallowing solids but not liquids. It might be something related to her psychological wellbeing which is worsening more and more.
marions wrote:Jose…can your sister swallow solids?Yes, I think so. What do you think about this?
Thank you
JoseThank you very much to both of us. Doctors are not being too useful to traet this but I am going to check out this ammonia levels. Thank you
hugs
JoseThank you very much for your answer. I found this link. What do you think?
http://www.hospicepatients.org/terminal-agitation.html
We are checking encephalopathy as well.
This is a disaster…she is having everyday crisis of anguish with crying and shouts… saying “I want to kill myself”. The only moment of peace now is when she is sleeping. It’s the only time that her body can fight back, doing something for herself. We asked the doctor about this. Doctors tend to sort every problem, prescribing pills. She is taking alprazolam (brand name is Xanax in the USA) but it’s not really working. Doctor told us that she might gain two months more. Her ascitis is exploding out of control now and her quality of life, pain and so on is unbearable. She is in horror now. Totally. Perhaps sleeping is the only peace moment, but she does not have a good sleep. She wakes up every single night full of anguish. I can’t cope with this. Two months but she is taking another chemo and suffering and suffering. You know, we did not tell her the real situation but somehow she knows, her body knows, she feels it. And this is the thing: can a person accept this fact, the fact of the end of your life just like that? She cannot.
Thank you Gavin, I believe she is using moisturiser but we have not tried any artificial saliva… thank you very much for your support. I’m still expecting the CAT results and I will post it here.
Hughs
JoseThank you Lainy. I remember what you said about your mom which is the same case than mine. I was pretty impressed about your story, never forget about it. My mom knows but she does not know everything. I just omit the word cancer. I am trying to take care of her but she has become a sort of anorexic now, unable to eat and she is losing weight everyday. You have a good point regarding to the question of whether or not proceed with the treatment if we are actually buying not too much time for such a huge cost. However I do believe that doctors are also aware of this and they have decided to proceed which surely means that it is worthy to do it. In fact I was expecting that thay say that it was unworthy to continue but they didn’t which might be a good sign. I am awaiting CAT results in few minutes so I will also share with you.
Hughs
JoseThank you very much to all of you for these kind words and this support. Doctors offer a paracentesis and this is fine since it improves her quality of life, however my point is about these sudden signs of recovery following by this dramatic worsening. Now, in the night she always asks my brother in law, makes him to swear that she will be alive at the next morning. It’s simply heartbreaking.
Hughs
Jose
The first reasing was 16.0 and now its 0.67. What are the usually measure in American standards?
Thank you
Jose
