Forum Replies Created
I think you made the right decision. Stay Strong and enjoy John. Best of luck and early Congrats on the new Grandson.
I too think that right now your Husband John needs you more. It is true that this is a big event in your Daughters life, however she has the support of her husband and whatever other family and friends they have where they live.
John only has you as his wife and you are such a great support for him. It is also possible that John may feel well enough to make the trip after his treatment, and you would have to play it by ear. I am sure he would like to be there as well, and it would be uplifting for him to be with your daughter and new grandbaby. However, if he is not well enough, I think leaving him alone would be very depressing for him.
I take things one day at a time with my Dad, however, my life has been put on hold. Nothing is as important as him right now. If my children do not understand that, then so be it. They will eventually get over it and understand how important thier Grandfather is to me. There is no way of telling how much time we have with him, so I am here with him every minute I possibly can be. There will be other birthdays, graduations, weddings, births and so on, but right now, he needs us.
Hope that you can speak to your Daughter and explain how difficult this decision is for you, and maybe she will understand.
Best of Luck, and I am praying for John.
We Thought of You Today
We thought of you today,
But that is nothing new
We thought of you yesterday
And will tomorrow, too.
We think of you in silence
And make no outward show.
For what it meant to lose you
Only those who love you know.
Remembering you is easy,
We do it everyday.
It’s the heartache of losing you
That will never go away.
So glad that you finally shared you story with all of us. My thoughts and prayers are with you and Fred. It sounds as though you are having some great results fighting this disease. Keep fighting and keep strong. Fred has so much to live for and those little girls of yours need their Daddy.
I ditto what Stacie and Marions had to say, it just about sums everything up, and I could never have said it any better. We are all pulling for you and Fred.
Keep us informed, and take care of yourself too,
LisaSeptember 27, 2007 at 1:34 am in reply to: My 73 Year Old Dad, Diagnosed 2 days ago with Advanced CholangioCarcin #16599
Hi Missing You,
I once again thank you for your thoughtfulness, and you words of wisdom. You have traveled the road that I too will soon travel. I do not know how much time I have left, with my Dad, but with every passing day I am grateful that I had another.
There’s a special kind of feeling
When I think about you, Dad
It’s a pleasure to remember
All the happy times we’ve had
There’s a special kind of caring
That is meant for you alone
There’s a place somewhere
Within my heart
That only you can own
I am glad I found this board the same day my Dad was diagnosed. I wouldnt no how else to get my feelings out. I can talk to Mom, but she has enough to deal with too.
As for the rest of my family (siblings), I just do not think they feel the same way. They kinda take the attitude that he is old and this is what happens. I do not feel he is old, I guess I thought he would be here forever. He was always so full of life until 4 weeks ago. He could still run circles around the younger generation, and would make that known.
As for your Dad, you must have had a special one also. I am sure he was so very proud of you. Like so many here on this board, even after the loss of a loved one, you are still helping others get through these difficult times. For that I admire you and your courage. Do not ever stop being the special, giving person you are.
I will let you know the results of the biopsy as soon as we get the word. I am hoping tomorrow or Friday.
Bright Blessings to You,
LisaSeptember 27, 2007 at 1:14 am in reply to: My 73 Year Old Dad, Diagnosed 2 days ago with Advanced CholangioCarcin #16598
Hello Again, Joyce
Your not boring me at all. I am here for you when you need to vent. I am just as angry as you most days, and I havent even lost my Dad..
My relationship with my Dad has always been special, at least on my end. It is hard to tell how he feels about me. Sometimes I think I disappointed him with choices that I made in my life, most of which I would agree were mistakes. However, I never once stopped loving him. Dad is not an easy person to talk to, and doesn’t show emotion very well either. So needless to say, it is hard to read him. Even with this illness, he internalizes everything, so you never know how he truly feels.
Dad has a very Morbid sense of humor, so he makes jokes about everything. When he does talk to my Mom about dying and what his wishes are, he ends the conversation with a laugh. I guess thats a good way of dealing with it, but it is hard on us.
He is not a very spiritual person, so he does not speak of God and eternity at all. When your number is up, thats it, I lived a good life, and I am tired now.
He wants to be cremated, and we are okay with that. He asked Mom what she was going to do with his remains, and she said, I am going to put them right next to me in our bed so that you will always be beside me. He said ” I don’t beleive it, Even after I am gone, you won’t let me rest in peace”. There is a good possiblility that he will be buried on our property, so yesterday he says he picked out the spot. He said, bury my remains down next to the manure pile. Of course we would never do that, but thats what he does to us. Most people do not find him funny at all, but he gets the nurses laughing when he is in the hospital for tests or procedures. He makes us all laugh,and sometimes I think that is why am in denial most days. He doesn’t give you the opportunity to be serious about anything.
I think for me that makes it difficult, as I want to tell him so many things, and tell him how much I Love him, and how my life will never be the same without him in it. I am not sure I will ever get the chance and that is weighing very heavy on my heart. I do not want him to leave this world not knowing how I truly feel. Today I was thinking that maybe the only way is to write it all down, and let him read it when I am not there with him. When, is the question? How much time do I have with him? Do I have weeks, months? I don’t want him to give up living.These are all the things I worry about. I can’t shut my mind down when its time to go to bed at night, I think about him 24/7. I listen all through the night, to see if he is up, is he watching his T.V., is he eating anything, is he taking a bath,is he taking more pain meds, etc.
I see him everyday, but try to act as though everything is normal when I am around him. He doesn’t want to be fussed over, or treated differently. I however, want to hold him, sit with him, talk to him, when he isn’t sleeping. Then I feel as though I am taking time away from my Mother, time that she needs to be with him. Everything is so damm difficult , nothing is easy in this situation.
Now of course we are still awaiting the results of the liver biopsy. Should I have any hope? The odds are against him so we are told be the Doctor’s. He has no fight in him.
I take it one day at a time, or at least that is what I am trying to do. Again I too am sorry for venting, but I, like you, feel as though nobody truly understands what I am feeling. Below is a poem that I thought you might need to hear.
Love Can Never Die
One must go and one be left
The lonely road to tread
There comes a day when all must face
The path that lies ahead
Knowing that the best is over
With a loved one gone
There seems no point in going on
But time is kind, the passing years
Their balm of healing bring
And like a bird at winter’s end
The heart begins to sing
We come at last to realize
Death breaks the earthly tie
But love survives when grief has passed
For LOVE CAN NEVER DIE
I am thinking of you often, and can’t thank you enough for letting me talk things out.
My Thoughts are with you and your husband. I am a newer member to this forum, as my Dad was recently diagnosed with CC. I do not have alot of information to offer, but will tell you that there are alot of people here that can possibly help you with information. My Dad’s disease is to far progressed to warrent alot of treatment options.
Best of Luck in whatever you have to do to fight this disease.
Although I am new to this group of wonderful people, and new to the disease, I feel no less saddened by your Fathers passing. I too am watching the CC take every bit of life away from my Dad, and I know someday, I too will have to face this incredible loss myself. Currently I am in denial most days, and hope that this day never comes for me, but being realistic, I know in my heart I have to prepare to let go.
You are in my thoughts,
LisaSeptember 24, 2007 at 1:50 pm in reply to: My 73 Year Old Dad, Diagnosed 2 days ago with Advanced CholangioCarcin #16596
Hi Again My Friend Joyce,
Yes we are Animal Lovers, and Believe it or not, I get that from my Dad. He would rather be around animals than people anyday. I grew up in the city too, so we only had cats and dogs when I was younger. Then Dad decided to start us with a couple ponies and we actually boarded them in Philadelphia at a very small stable. We would spend our weekends there with my Dad and those are some of my best memories.
We eventually got out of the horses as everyone was getting older and invlved in sports and other things.
When I was 15, we lost my Mother to Breast Cancer that metastized to her lungs and then to her bone. She fought hard for over a year, and finally succombed to the disease at the young age of 42. She left behind 6 children and a husband. My Dad did eventually find someone else to love and married a woman with 5 children of her own. So needless to say we were almost the Brady Bunch times two. 11 kids, wow, it was something to see. My Mother has been a great mother through all these years, and did lessen the pain of losing my biological Mother. Things were not always perfect, as it is very hard to put two large families together, but we managed. I love her no differently than if she had given birth to me.
I got back into horses when Dad and I were sitting in the hospital talking while Mom was recovering from GallBladder surgery. They lived on a 5 acre property with a barn, and Dad said I could board a horse there and he would take care of the daily chores till I could come up on weekends. Again, those couple years were great, and I have good memories and spent alot of time with both my parents.
In 2002, Dad and Mom went through some financial hardships, and were faced with losing thier home. At the same time, Steve and I were looking for a property to build a home and barn. We found a 13 acre lot, and built the house to include a seperate residence for my parents. We live on the first floor and my parents live on the second. They have thier own kitchen, laundy,bath etc. It works out well as we all have our privacy, yet can be together whenever we want. Dad and Steve built the barn together over a period of a year. I will always have those memories and funny stories to tell as well.
We have lived together for almost 5 years now, and I am so glad to have them here with us. The other children do not visit often, some never. Of course now through this most recent change, everyone of them is calling to see how Dad is, and I sometimes get very bitter and angry. I want to say, where have you been for the past 10 years, when they were in trouble. I am blessed to have Steve, as not many men would have the in-laws move in, but he is great. He would do anything for them, actually more than thier own children. He has been very supportive to me, and is here when I need to vent or just unload and cry.
Well I don’t want to bore you anymore, I just wanted to give you some background.
Dad is about the same, no real change. We are just waiting for the results to come back and then move on from there. I will let you know as soon as we hear something.
Again, Thanks for Being A Friend in this difficult time.
Luv LisaSeptember 24, 2007 at 1:17 pm in reply to: My 73 Year Old Dad, Diagnosed 2 days ago with Advanced CholangioCarcin #16595
Thanks for all your replys and posts regarding my Dad. He is much older than you and doesn’t quite have the fight anymore. We are just taking things one day at a time.
You however have all the reason in the world to go after treatments, after all you have a precious 10 year old little boy who needs his Mommy. I try to put myself in your place, and I admire you for your courage and great attitude towards this disease. I am pulling for you and hope and pray you have great success with the chemo etc.
As for Hospice being a good place to start for my Dad, the hardest part will be explaining it to him. He is a very PROUD Man, and does not want anyone fussing over him etc. We are hoping when the resuts of the liver biopsy come back this week, that we can move on to the next step. The priority being to control his symptoms so we can all enjoy one another.
Will continue to follow your posts and keep up with how things are going for you.
Keep up the Fight and never Give in.
Luv LisaSeptember 23, 2007 at 1:56 pm in reply to: My 73 Year Old Dad, Diagnosed 2 days ago with Advanced CholangioCarcin #16593
Once again I thank you for all your thoughts and kindness. It means more to me than I can say. I guess I too am alot like you, because part of me is still living in denial, because I do not want to lose him. My Dad was always special to me, and I love him more than I could ever tell him. I feel so compelled to tell him everything I am feeling, but I hesitate because I don’t want him to give up or see how upset I am. I try to go on as you said, one day at a time, and just do the normal everyday things.
Hopefully today I will get to spend some time with him outside on the deck since the weather is so nice here, and listen to his stories that I have heard a million and one times. I will treasure those stories always, and they will always bring a smile to my face.
Today’s agenda consists of scrubbing and cleaning a very large bird cage as my Parents are giving up thier Blue and Gold Macaw to a rescue to find a forever home.
They are unable to spend enough time with him now, and he requires that attention daily. I know I have not mentioned before, but my Mom has more health problems than I could list here without it taking up pages and pages, so therefore things are a little more complicated, She is actually recovering herself from surgery that she had right before Dad’s diagnosis. She has had several surgeries over the past year, and none without major complications. Currently a visiting nurse comes out daily to tend to her wounds. I feel so bad for her, because this bird is so special to her, but she made the decision even before Dad’s illness to give him up.
We are animal people, however I cannot keep him as I have one of my own along with another talking parrot. I also have 4 horses, 4 goats and 3 dogs, 2 of which are Great Danes (Small Horses). They all keep me busy, and take my mind off of things, which at times is a good thing. My parents also have a yellow lab, so really there are 4 dogs in the house. Some day, I will e-mail you some pics of the clan. You can see some of them on my Myspace page at myspace.com/mantlegirl. There is also a slide show of my Dad building our barn just a couple years ago.
Again, thanks so much for all your support, your Mom was lucky to have had such a caring Daughter.
Sending you and Patty all my Thoughts, Prayers, and Strength to pull through this latest battle with CC. I will be thinking of you, and waiting to hear that all went well Monday.
God Bless and Much Strength,
Lisa AnnSeptember 22, 2007 at 7:05 pm in reply to: My 73 Year Old Dad, Diagnosed 2 days ago with Advanced CholangioCarcin #16591
Thanks so much for all your follow up posts and concerns for my Dad. The procedure went well, and there were no complications. We unfortunatley did not get a preliminary report and we have to wait 5 days for the results. We were at the hospital from 9:30AM till 4PM when they released him. The look on the technician that spoke to us afterwards, did not look promising. I think his liver is pretty involved, and the size of the lymph nodes is not a good indicator either.
Today he felt up to going to the Flea Market as he usually enjoys doing this on Saturday mornings. I have been going, because its time I can spend with him and I enjy every minute. We stopped and got breakfast, and he actually wanted pancakes.
I thought, Great…….He ate 2 pancakes and a cup of coffee. He was doing good for about an hour afterwards and then Up came the breakfast. So frustrating, we get a little in, and out it comes. The weight lose is incredible and as I said before, I am seeing changes daily.
There is hope in my heart, as I can’t believe we are going to lose him. However, my mind keeps telling me to prepare, as it is going to get worse. I Love him so much and there is nothing I can do. My heart breaks more everyday, as I watch this strong man’s health just deteriorating before our eyes.
I just ordered him some pants and shirts as his cloths are falling off of him, even his watch doesn’t stay in place anymore. I just wish we could get the sypmtoms under control, so that he is not in pain and not sick to his stomach all the time.
So once again we wait until sometime next week for a confirmation on the CC diagnosis. However, if it were not that, it is still something not good.
Thanks So Much Joyce for being here for me.
LisaSeptember 21, 2007 at 1:32 am in reply to: My 73 Year Old Dad, Diagnosed 2 days ago with Advanced CholangioCarcin #16571
Well I finally got some more information on Dad’s condition. He has a 5.5cm tumor in his liver along with numerous others. He also has 5 lymph nodes surrounding his stomach that are 3cm (way to large). He continues to be in pain, some days worse than others, and still will not hardly eat anything.
His biopsy is scheduled for tomorrow morning to confirm it is CC. After we get the results, they want to recheck his lungs and also his brain for any mets. None of this sounds very promising to me, and I am very worried. We will also talk tomorrow about trying something else to control his pain and discomfort, and we were told to possibly contact Hospice and get that started.
I am seeing changes in his physical appearance almost daily now, and it is breaking my heart. I feel so helpless………………
I will let everyone no the outcome of tomorrows biopsy, as they hope to at least give us some answers.
You are All in My thoughts as I continue to read and re-read all the posts….
My Thoughts and Prayers go out to You and Your Family, especially your Mom. You are right, she should be enjoying the new grandbaby, instead she is fighting this terrible disease. Keep up the fight, and enjoy every minute you can with her.
We all think that our parents will never get sick or leave us alone in this world, but many of us here on this board are facing the sad reality that it may happen to us.
I am so sorry your Mom is having so much trouble, and I hope they get it under control soon.
My Dad was diagnosed a few weeks ago, and this board of great people have been a huge help. I am only starting to understand this disease through thier stories, and experiences, and I have come to learn that there ARE survivors and not everyone succombs to this Devastating Cancer. I hope that your Mom is one of those people.
Love and Thoughts,