melaine

Thank you all for such a warm welcome. I have sort of got used, if not entirely come to terms, with this new way of life but there is always a small pervading sadness in me. I think certain things trigger this and the holiday period is one. I’ve tried going away alone and with friends but nothing is quite right.
Teresa – you have been through so much and I do hope you are able to write about Alan at some point..
Darla, Pauline and Marion – thanks so much for your kind words.
The hospital/hospice dilemma is a tricky one. For me there is no choice as I’m an outpatient at the hospital where C spent most of his illness – he had the added complication of blood clots. The first time I returned very soon after his death I parked in the so familiar car park at the rear of the hospital and approached the rear entrance. Immediately adjacent to this is the new Cancer Centre and I was just transfixed, staring up at the window where C’s bed was and looking into the reception area. It was unbelievably painful.. I now park elsewhere or use public transport and enter at the front of the hospital. After my appointment I go to the hospital chapel – not because of any strong faith but to think of C and to try to get some control and make some sense of the unthinkable.

Very best wishes to you all,
Margaret

PS Does anyone else hate the word ‘widow’?!