thecdr
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LD, dwell on the past pleasures, not the past heartbreaks, the gee I wish I could have, etc. My son and I pray each night “Every day is a blessing”. Every day God gave your husband with you and your children was a blessing, good food or no good food. I have no appetite, but that was even before the chemo started. God bless you and your children….
Joyce, thank you so much for your kind words, your posts always hold some meaning for me whether they are addressed directly to me or to others. I have thought of a support group and am looking into it. One thing about my crying jags is that they have been almost cathartic. Don’t you sometimes just want to scream without anyone around feeling sorry for you or looking uncomfortable? I have a dear friend who is the rock of ages, we all know the kind, if there is a problem, she will fix it, the go to person, the organizer. I finally had to hug her and say, “Christine, this is a problem you CAN’T fix”. Sometimes I don’t want comfort, I just want to scream and break things!
Ah, there would be an idea for a support group, old cars, sledge hammers……..hmmm
I would also suggest a cancer “buddy”, someone who will be your second set of ears when that rushing sound comes in and you can’t understand what they are saying. They can also remind you of the questions you thought of asking and forgot about. As they come up during the week, write them down!
I pray and I know that God will give you and your mother that strength. Find whatever support you can for you, your family, and your mother. We are dealing with it in our family as well, but it is me who has it, and my 10 year old faced with losing his mother and my parents and siblings losing a daughter/sister. The good Lord has a plan for us all, and though I never saw myself as especially religious, I do believe that, otherwise I would never get through the day!
Oh Angie, I am so sorry for you and your mother, I am 52 as well and my son is only 10. Each patient has to make their own decision and everyone else needs to respect it. Quality of Life is the most important, and it sounds like for your mother quality of life means being pain free. I know you are suffering, and I urge you to continue your prayers, pray especially for relief for your mother’s pain and let God decide the best way. As much as I want to be around for my son as long as possible, the last thing I want to do is make the latest memories of his mother as someone who is so sick I can’t spend any time with him or traipsing all over God’s green earth for “just one more” possible cure. He started sleeping in my bed since I told him I was sick, gets kind of crowded with him, 4 cats and 2 dogs!
I will keep you and your mother in my prayers. My son and I pray together every night, the Lord’s Prayer, and then we both repeat the following “Thy will be done” and “Every day we have together is a blessing”.
my craving is United Dairy Farmer Chocolate Malts, Malts, not shakes. sometimes it’s the only thing I can get down, I’ve been having a lot of heartburn lately. then again sometimes it gets down and then back up again later…
well, just passed through my first day of chemo and I still have my lunch and my hair!
I had Gemzar yesterday afternoon and although there are some rough spots, headache, queazyness, all in all not as bad as it could have been……so far so good!
I know it’s only the first time, but I am taking things one day at a time.Dear Hazel
I too am so sorry to hear about your news, I too am in my 50’s and had been pretty healthy until a few weeks ago, it gets you right in the solar plexus. I have a 10 year old son who is facing losing his mom, it’s heartbreaking. I don’t know if this will help or not, but here is what I have decided: My first priority is my son, so I am taking care of business, financial, paperwork, all that stuff. I had made that decision even before I knew for sure I had CC, I figured that the scare was the kick in the pants I needed to be a responsible parent. I did get a second, and a third opinion, not because I didn’t believe the original diagnosis, but at the behest of my oncologist. I have not given myself a death sentence, but I have made this decision: I will NOT go chasing after rainbows if it means that my quality of life will suffer. I don’t want my son to remember his mom as some puking hairless invalid who was gone half the time looking for the next study because MAYBE, just MAYBE, this will be the one. I am at peace with that. I tell my friends to continue to pray for miracles, my physicians will continue to look for studies that may give me some more time. I have many moments where I scream and cry, but I am mostly at peace. As long as I know my son will be taken care of and loved, I can concentrate on my physical well being. And if my time here is shorter than I wanted, then my duty is to teach my son to make the most of it.
thanks Joyce, geez, here I thought my biggest problems this year were going to be my returning to school and having to give my son “the talk”. A month ago he told me, with eyebrows animatedly moving and down, “you know what we learn about in 5th grade, don’t you mom?” yikes! I had enough trauma buying his first athletic “cup”!
thank you Kris and Joyce. I am already seeing someone, however it was for my menopause driven depression, woo hoo, all this and menopause too! I have an appt with him this week, he doesn’t even know about this latest bit of news yet. My son also has a great psychologist, I am very fortunate.
I have been completely overwhelmed today, my brother and sister in law were painting the guest room (something I had been planning to do until I was otherwise occupied), I had hired a cleaning lady (had planned on doing that because besides working full time and being a single mom I was also pursuing my doctoral studies full time, that’s on the back burner) and she was cleaning my house, and the entire neighborhood was out in my yard putting up a fence so I wouldn’t have to walk the dogs so much! I am overwhelmed by the unbelievable kindness, but also overwhelmed period. I am usually the one that is organizing this stuff, I ended up getting overheated and losing my lunch from both ends! I hate not being in control!
And Joyce, thanks for the comment about having youth on my side, my neices and nephews can’t believe how old I am!
Tomorrow is my first day of chemo, I am very nervous, any tips?
