SENSITIVE-Dreaming & Talking

Dear Lainy, I don’t post often but I visit everyday. I am so sorry for you and your husband Teddy. I only hope I can be as strong and honorable as you when it is time for my Judy to go home. Thank you for being here for me to lean on and learn from. Tommy

Lainy, I am so glad to hear from you. I never even got it when they moved Wayne to hospice. Even before burial, I was waiting for him to sit up and just say I was kidding. Wayne had so much fluid build up, that he never looked thin, one time they took off ll liters of fluid which was 24 lbs., another time 16 liters which was 40 lbs.

My couselor said that our lives were so intangled with each other that you couldn’t split us up. We were married for 35 years, he had a above knee amputation in 1990 and open heart surgery in 1999. I was his caregiver and best friend. We didn’t need anyone else we had each other and now, I have my dogs.

It still feels like when I get home he should be there.

I had heard about hospice, but this was my first real experience. Everyone that does this work are special people, they are God’s angels. We were only in patient for 27 hours, but they made it bariable. My Mom had hospice that came to the nursing home, but that was only for a week.

As my counselor they have to have a special calling, I believe from God.

God will look over you and Teddy, but if you need help don’t wait so long to get couseling like I did, I was at the point of ending it all. The couselor I use, uses a sliding scale, my income dropped 75% when God called Wayne home.

God be with you and keep you tight in his hands.

Lainy,

I’ve been away from the board since before Thanksgiving. It was a tough time for our family not having Mom here for the holiday, and I’ve been keeping my mind busy with work and Christmas preparation, not much internet time.

But I wanted to share what we experienced… What you describe sounds very similar to what my mother did the two weeks or so before she died. The confusion was first, which actually started when we were still on the family cruise. Once we were back home and she was in her comfy hospital bed, she slept a lot that first day, then more confusion, babbling, talking coherently but not making a lot of sense, calling out “Daddy.” Later that week she was staring more, almost like asleep with her eyes open. Agitation increased, she kept telling us to get her out of bed so she could go sit in the chair, which would’ve been impossible due to her weakness. By Friday, she spent most of her time asleep, which could have partially been due to all the medication. She died late Sunday afternoon, and we didn’t see any bluish signs until an hour or two before, and even then it was just her fingernail beds. Also that last day her hands and feet were cold.

I don’t want to make anyone sad or worried, I just thought sharing our experiences may help someone reading now or down the road.

Lainy,

My husband passed away nine months ago. We were only in hospice for 27 hours. The nurse ask my daughter and I if we had received the blue book yet, we said no and he brought us two copies. It is a small book only about 16 pages long, but tells what to expect from months to hours before death.

As we looked through the book we could see nearly all the things that had already happened. One of the things is pulling at their clothing or bed sheets, pulling them from side to side, even looking under them. Also, he would reach up with his arm as to touch something, bring it back down and look into his hand and shake his head, he did this for several days. The last day he slept mostly, until the gurgle, a noise if you hear it you will never forget it. He gurgled for the last hours of life on earth.

My advice is to find a couselor when you can, the couselor will seem like your best friend. Things that I can’t talk about even with my daughter who was also with me at the time when Jesus called him home, I can talk to her about it. It is very difficult to talk of that moment with anyone. My couselor has gone through alot of rough times with me in the last five months, she doesn’t give me answers she guides me to help find them. I was ready to give up and thought about ended the pain, and she talks me back to life.

My Mom passed away last week, guess who shows up at the funeral home, you guessed my couselor, she wanted to check on me to see how I was doing. No one knew who she was, just me, but on another day that I could have gone all to pieces, she was there.

Individual counseling is the best, I went to group for 6 weeks, it is hard to confide in a group, everyone takes grief in a different way. I always thought I was strong, I had to be, Wayne had been disabled for 22 years, but when it came down to it, I was like a new born kitten.

Lainy, I am praying for you and your family. stay strong and patient.

Lainy – I think I have mentioned that Randy has had numerous visits with angels and he has talked to them for up to an hour and a half at one time. He hasn’t talked in his sleep much lately. He has had more energy but is seriously agitated and angry. My aunt did not have blue nails or lips until the last few hours. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I think of you every day. I know you will hold Teddy close. Please tell him we are thinking of him and love him. Blessings, Susan