Anthony died on 30th July in a London Hospice
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Hi everyone,
I’m sorry you have had some tearful times this week, Janet, but it’s good to hear that you are being so positive and I hope the trip to see your sister goes well.
I have just come to the end of my month in Italy and this has been a very busy week, when I’ve had lots of invitations to see people. Of course, this being Italy, it means I have been eating many delicious meals, sometimes lunch and dinner with several courses in one day! It has been nice and has kept me busy but, of course, it is all tinged with sadness because Anthony isn’t with me. Tonight was a local festa with everyone from the area sitting down to a meal – 350 people in all. There was a lottery draw and I couldn’t believe it when I won the first prize of a television, which I gave to my neighbours children who were so excited. Tony would have loved to have been there eating and drinking with all our Italian neighbours and would have found it amusing when I won the first prize. Isn’t life so sad? I miss him so much!
Anyway, I am going to Florence tomorrow and then returning to London on Tuesday.
I hope you are all ok. I am thinking of you all and my thoughts will be with you Janet as you go off to see your sister and, of course, with you Darla as we approach Jim’s anniversary.
Take care everyone
Love
PaulineHi everyone,how was your week?We have had lovely warm weather for the last week of winter.I am making a flying visit to see my sister next week.I will fly up at Tuesday morning and fly back Wednesday evening.Quite a big step for me in branching out.
I have had a few tearry moments this week,different triggers causing it.I have done some gardening though,planted some tomatoes and some petunias and weeded a bit so I am proud of that.
I hope your week will be ok Darla,I know there will be lots of memories and I hope you are in a better place,Pauline,this week.
How is your mum doing,Sue?Hope the work stresses abate for you.
Hope all is well with you too,Joyce and the dog is not causing any bother or bad smells…..and hi to everyone who visits here
JanetDear Sue,
I just went back & reread your post. It was good hearing from you and catching up with what is going on in your life which seems to be a lot. How exciting for Sam. A new job & a new home. I know you will miss having her around, but atleast having your Mum there for a while will help fill the gap.
It sounds like work (or sometimes lack of) is getting the best of you. I sure know how that feels. Not having our husbands here to share it with makes it all that much more challenging. The shop has actually picked up some and luckily yesterday my son & daughter-in-law were here as it turned out to be a really busy day. I can usually handle things on my own with a few small glitchs, but without them here yesterday it would have been a real challenge.
Take carry everyone & keep posting, we do need to stick together and yes, we will somehow all get through this one day at a time.
Love To All,
DarlaPauline,I really felt for you with that meltdown in the restuarant.I think it might have triggered tears for me that comment.These are really difficult times for us,we are relatively young women and we are doing our best in terribly sad and challenging circumstances.You have been such a terrific support to us all.
I got through my wedding anniversary quite well,remembering what a great day that wedding had been.
Darla,you are such a good and caring person you will get through this next week or so with friends and familys help.
Joyce,I hope all is well with you,and Sue it was great to read your post and I hope Sam enjoys her first experiences working in the hospital-it is a tricky workplace to work out.
We have great weather going on here-last week of winter- and 23degrees
(about75farenheit)very balmy.
love from JanetDear Pauline,
I am so sharing the moods you are experiencing. The ups & downs and the tears just coming on. We seem to think we have control of things & then it all falls apart at a sudden thought or memory or something that is said or done. I also get those times of just wanting to be alone and then realize that I do need to get out or be with others. It is all so confusing and trying, isn’t it? I tend to isolate myself at times and think I need to be strong and deal with all of this on my own. It is hard to admit we need the help & support of others. I guess in a way we see it as a sign of weakness.
I agree, that keeping busy does seem to be the key. Today I was relatively busy all day & my son and daughter-in-law were here, so I actually had a pretty good day. Of course, I now am having trouble sleeping as I am here alone and all the thoughts of those last days have come back again to haunt me. I am trying to remember all the good times and the love we shared. It does help, but yes, it is all so sad. We shared everything with our husbands for so long & now it is hard to find joy in those things alone.
I don’t think there is a need to apologize for expressing our feelings. With what we have all been through, I think we deserve a little self pity, don’t you?
On a lighter note, I am glad that you atleast are experiencing good weather. Here it is unseasonably cold. It feels more like fall than the end of summer.
Take care everyone and know that I am thinking of all of you and hoping that everyone is doing OK.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaHello everyone,
I hope you are all ok. I had a difficult time earlier this week. I felt very low in Rome as you know and when I got back I went into one of my very low introverted moods. Eventually by Monday I realised I had to break out of it or I would get really bad so I called some neighbours and we went for a meal in a local restaurant here in Italy. Unfortunately, I was still very low and, when my neighbour started to say Anthony would be waiting for me to greet me when I die, I started crying in the restaurant and couldn’t stop. I am usually very self controlled so this wasn’t like me at all. Anyway, everyone was sympathetic and I eventually stopped crying and after that my neighbours called regularly to check on me. This has helped me as I tend to close in on myself and not ask for help when I am down and I have managed to keep going ok this week. I make plans every day so I always have something to do. I am going back to London on 1st September and then I will be busy with work, which should be better.
Well this is all sounding very self pitying so I apologise for that. I hope you are all ok and are keeping busy, which seems to be the key, doesn’t it?
How are you Darla? I know this is such a hard time for you. I am thinking of you as I am sure everyone is. Try to remember all the good times with Jim and how much you loved each other. It will help.
Take care everyone. The weather here is still beautiful and I am in such a beautiful place. It’s just so sad without my husband to share it!
Thinking of you all,
Love
PaulineOpps pressed submit before I had finished, just wanted to say I think of you all often, even if I dont write often. I think we have all come a long way in the time we met here I know we have a long way to go yet, but we can do it with a little help from our friends!
All my love,
Sue xHi All,
I have just been reading all the posts and it has been lovely catching up with everyone. I have been so busy these last few weeks I havent had time to breathe!
We found a wonderful house for Sam to buy just 5 minutes away from York hospital and we must have been to every bank in the area before she could get a mortgage – because she didnt start work until last week, the underwriters were rejecting her – in one bank they actually rejected her because she didnt have any loans so they said they didnt know if she would repay her mortgage! I mean how bad a risk is a doctor! Finally we found a lady who actually had the authority to use her common sense and she got a mortage through in two days for Sam so she is hoping to get her keys next week. However the whole house needs redecorating and new carpets – luckily she has a handy boyfriend and I suppose we will all roll our sleeves up and help out. But it has hit home now that she is really leaving home (but at least she is only 40 minutes drive away!).
My Mum has just come out of hospital after an op so I am planning to have here here for a few weeks to recouperate.
Also, the company I distribute for in Belgium has a new manager who is pushing for more sales in the UK – the last thing I can contemplate now is getting back on the road trailing round potential customers, I am trying to drum up some business on the phone but I am not doing so well.I have managed to do some upkeep on my house, but I must admit it is all getting me a bit down at the moment – I feel a bit sorry for myself – I know I am lucky to have the support of family and friends but I am sure you will all understand when I say that it is not the same without that somene special to look after you?
Anyway, enough of that! I am glad to hear that you are contemplating a holiday Janet, I have found that it is helpful to have something to look forward to and plan, and I must say I have enjoyed all the holidays I have been on – the hard part is coming home again! So do take the plunge I am sure you will all enjoy it. I hope your sister is doing Ok too – that must be very hard for you to cope with. On our anniversary last year I made sure I had planned something with family – the same with fathers day – just plan a little outing somewhere or a visit to good friends ifyou can it really helps to keep busy.
Pauline I agree with you about the alcohol, it is so easy to have another glass once you open a bottle of wine on your own, now I try not to have a drink through the week, and look forward to one at the weekend, preferably with friends. I am glad also that you found some nice poeple to talk to, it is amazing who we connect with now isnt it? And who knows, B&B may be your next calling!!
Joyce, I had to laugh about your poor dogs escapade with the skunk, it sound so foreign to us, my images of skunks come mainly from cartoons, I had no idea it was so difficult to get the smell off in real life! I hope you are granted some nice weather before the autumn sets in – you haveit so hard there in the winter.
Darla, how is your shop doing? I am finding it very hard at the moment running my business – I used to use Ray and a sounding board when I had to make decisions and I really miss his advice.
Hi Karen, you arent intruding at all it is nice to hear from you!
The weather here in the north of Engand is a bit strange at the moment , the bast I can describe it as is grey! We had a good weekend a couple of weeks ago and me and my friend managed to paint all the decking and fences in the garden – it was absolutely exhausting but satisfactory when we had finished.
Dear Joyce,
I meant to add this to my other posts & got to rambling on & forgot!
I too thought your camera phone idea was great!
I do think that you are right, that doing something is still better than staying home alone all the time. As much as it hurts sometimes.
Take care.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaDear Janet,
I am probably not the best one to advise you on this as I don’t feel like I am handling these things too well, but I will tell you how I feel. All of these anniversary’s are a real challenge. I think it is a very personal thing, the way we deal with them. Others are really no help as I found most just try to stay away from the subject as they don’t want to hurt your feelings or bring back sad memories (as if you aren’t thinking of it all the time anyway!). Sometimes I just feel I need to be alone and talk to Jim about how I am feeling or write in a journal. Honor his memory in my own way. Other times I want to be with others who are important to me and really do care & understand. Who are willing to talk & listen or just be there. It is hard when so many things come close together. Jim’s birthday, Father’s day, one of my son’s birthday and also my daughter-in-law’s are real close together in July and that was hard. There were also several events going on at that time last year that we miss because of what we were going through. It was pretty much when it all began for us. Sometimes I thought it would be easier to just act as if it is just another day, but believe me that is not the answer and didn’t work for me. It just made it all more evident (like the elephant in the living room that everyone ignores)!
So, I guess what I am trying to say is that you need to do what works for you and gives you the most comfort. No one ever said any of this would be easy, but why does it have to be so hard?????
I will be thinking of you as you go through these challenges & I go through mine. It really is all so very trying, but we will all get through this, together, one day at a time.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaDear All,
I forgot to mention that I agree completely on the alcohol – I believe that I have had a total of two drinks since Butch has been gone – and one of them was last week! I was afraid to drink.
Janet, Butch passed away October 9 and our anniversary was November 11 last year. It was horrible. Yesterday I took the girls to our little local zoo, and it was “bittersweet” for us. Every year since they were born, Grandpa and I used to take them there once a year – it was a tradition – and we always had such a good time – I have pictures from each year as they grew, posing with Grandpa. You know, I did feel his spirit there with us yesterday, though – I don’t “feel” him much anymore, but I did yesterday. We passsed the picnic table where we sat last year, and I swear – I could picture him sitting there, just like he was there with us! I don’t know how you will mark your anniversary, Janet – Butch’s sister took me out to dinner on our’s – it was awful, actually, but – better than staying home alone, she said!
Love – Joyce
That was quick thinking with the phone,Joyce-well done
I have my wedding anniversary coming up this Saturday the 22nd,how have people handled this one?I dont know what I will do or how it will affect me,I just feel very aware of the date looming.I do have Aussie Fathers Day a couple of weeks later and Im concerned for us all with that one.All challenges I suppose. Janet xHello all,
I have enjoyed reading all your traveling posts – Janet – Australia sounds lovely, and I would imagine there could be nothing finer than to be having a glass of wine with a husband watching a whale or a dolphin out on the water. Karen – sounds like a wonderful idea – I am planning a trip in late fall, and want to make it some “alone” time and some time visiting friends (my cousin just moved to Amarilla, Texas from Dallas, and I want to visit her). Darla – your day sounded wonderful, also – I pick fresh flowers out of my garden every day to cheer myself up. Pauline – it is always nice to meet up with friendly people we can converse with easily, is it not? Actually, to think that we could all meet someplace – like Italy, or someplace else – is SUCH a wonderful idea – if it weren’t for the expense, I would say – let’s do it NOW! I know we would have a wonderful time. Actually, there ARE pitfalls to traveling alone, but – in my mind it is better than being home alone all the time.I have my Granddaughters for a few days – my daughter and her husband are in in Nashville, and later today we are meeting up with cousins to play miniature golf, and then a swin in Great-Grandma’s pool – it is supposed to hit 90 today so – it will be welcome. Yesterday I took them school shopping, and that was VERY tiring – choosing clothes for two girls is decidedly tricky! They don’t like what I like, and I need to make sure they pick clothes that are “appropriate”. Fortuneately, we can do this the modern way – we took pictures of the questionable clothing on the girl , in the dressing room, on their cell phine, and sent it to Mom & Dad – they could say what they thought! I thought it was ingenuous.
Love to all,
Joyce
Janet,
You’re ramblings are lovely. I too have many wonderful memories similar to those you mentioned and miss those wonderful relaxing times we spent together. You are so right, it is just not the same alone or with others. It will never be the same again.
Darla
Karen thanks for sharing.Its sometimes so hard to predict the triggers,sometimes occasions can turn out much better than expected othertimes you get caught by suprise with a few tears.
Im not familiar with zinfandels,I dont know if its grown here.I like a sav blanc or a chardonnay and occasionally a shiraz.We are spoiled with wine here,its cheap for very good quality wines because Australia produces so much.We dont get much American wine just the European,My Italian brother in law has plenty of Italian wines on offer.
BUT,I think paulines warnings ring true for those of us who like a glass.
What I really miss is going out for a drink in the early evening.We have a couple of beautiful old pubs with balconies looking out over the sea and beergardens running down to the cliffs.Joel and I used to love going for a drink in the evening ,just the one and then we would come back and cook dinner .We regularly saw whales and nearly always pods of dolphins,it was a nice routine for us and I really miss it.Not the same on your own or with the boys.
Thankyou ,Pauline for your thoughts on the travel.If I could make a break for it to Italy I would.
Love to all from Janet
–sorry for the ramble
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