Anthony died on 30th July in a London Hospice

Hi Everyone,

Glad to catch up with you all.

I am settling back down to my life at home after my holiday, thanks for asking Pauline! I think I have come back a little calmer, it was lovely meeting such a nice bunch of like-minded people, and we are keeping in touch by e-mail and are planning a get-together in the future. It has been really good for all of us to meet different people, and feel we have a new group of friends.

Janet, I too think you are doing so well, the parcticalities get us all down at first, but as time goes on, I think it is getting a bit easier to take the hiccups in our stride – if something can go wrong I automatically expect it too now – then it is a nice surprise when it works out ok! I am sorry the weather is changing for you just as it is getting better for us – I think we all found that first winter hard – I hope your good attitude carries you through!

Joyce, How is your job going? Are you back in the swing of things now? You seem to work such long hours, I think I would be exhausted if I had to do your job!

I am currently trying to get my year end filing on line done – I only have the end of this week to do it , but it is so easy to put it off till the last minute – I am sure you do the same thing Darla with your paperwork! It isnt even if the government pays me for collecting their taxes!

I think I am getting into more of a different routine now – it helps mostly, but still doesnt fill the cold side of the bed! I find though that much of my time is filled up with new things, and I am thankful for the distraction.

I had lunch with my old schoolfriend yesterday – she lost her huband to cancer 5 weeks ago now. She is coping quite well, she is a quiet, but I think quite a strong lady, she also has a cousin who is our age and also has a husband with terminal cancer – I can’t believe have many of us are out there – it seems most of my friends are in our situation – 6 at least all within a year or two of my age – it doesnt really seem fair – but by helping each other it makes us stronger.

Anyway, I hope you all have a good week and will be thinking of you all.

Lots of love

Hi people I hope your weekends went ok.I have had a miserable week of car troubles and phone disconnection which has left me frustrated and teary.i found I am ok when things are smooth but any glitches cause a meltdown.The weather was also dull and unseasonably cold last week.It has been sunny over the weekend and I have been for a swim in the ocean pool as the sea temp lags behind the air temperature.It made me feel better,I feel very sensitive to weather fluctuations at the moment and dread the coming winter months.
Anyhow I hope you enjoy the warmer weather in the northern hemisphere.We have colds here but no swine flu yet love from Janet

Hi people
Sue,that holiday sounded terrific-like material for a book.I love Greek food,we have a Greek club near here that does cheap buffet food.
Joyce,nurses are always good types although I may be biased-but I hope you enjoy your time with your cousin.
I will go back to my one day per week in a fortnight,I have to do a computer update first,apparently they are now completely paper free.I have found a car too so things are moving.Sometimes I cant believe I have survived all this-Joels death followed by my sons exacerbation of mood disorder.You people online understand more than many other friends and aquaintances but I am marvelling that Im actually keeping going,functioning even though its not quite me as I used to be.
We are into colder weather and shorter days now and I find the changing seasons odd on my own.I have had some help with the garden thank goodness.
Pauline I hope things are ok for you and Darla I hope you and your boys are good too love from Janet

Hello Everyone,
Well I am back home after my holiday and what an adventure that was! It turned out there were 20 in our group, 5 men and 15 ladies, out of them 9 of us had lost our husbands/wives over the last year so I guess everyone who booked had the same idea as me. We were a mixed bunch, from 33 to 73, but everyone bonded. As there were so many of us who had lost loved ones, it was a very theraputic week, as it gave us all time to talk without thinking we were burdening anyone, as most were suffering in some way – there were also quite a few newly divorced in our group. But the main therapy came from the tour guides, an English lady and her husband, a Greek Taverna owner. These people gave us such a lot of theirselves, not only did we do the cooking, but also they took us on sightseeing trips, walking, a trip up the mountains, but most of all they welcomed us into their Greek family. The culmination of the holiday was on the Greek Easter Sunday when Stellios took us up to his family house in the mountains, where he showed us round his mother and father’s house, and we joined the family outside their house for a special meal. At this he said how much he has enjoyed sharing his life with us and that he felt we were friends not customers – we were the first group they had done this holiday with – all the family were so welcoming – the little girls made us gifts of stones painted to look like ladybirds, which were a symbol of good luck, at the end of his speach everyone had tears running down their faces it was so touching.
I managed most of the activities, but had to miss out on the church services on their Good Friday, I was having a bit of a bad day and didnt want to depress anyone by crying at the services, but I managed the midnight mass on the Saturday which was a much happier service culminating in such spectactular fireworks one landed in the hood of my coat and set it on fire and a kind Greek man in the chuch came an grabbed my coat and put it out. What the holiday did do was revive my faith in human nature – they still have such a family orientated life, and are so generous – we have lost all this in our modern world.
It was a bit of a let down when I got home on Tuesday evening, my problems were still there and the house was still empty, but then my friends came around and we were soon laughing over the photos. What would we do without freinds?
On the flight home I spoke with a lovely Canadian lady who was apologising in case her son disturbed me as he was autistic – she was so nice – we got chatting and it turned out that she had a particularly aggressive type of breast cancer which they werent able to control, in addition to this she had a father back in Canada who was paralysed, who had lost his sight and was losing his hearing, and a brother who had suffered brain damage after an accident. She couldn’t visit them very often as she was married to an English guy and her son needed 24 hour care. But in spite of this she was so upbeat and cheerful about things it made me think that I should not be sad and try to live for the day – as Ray always did.
So all in all a very memorable holiday! It taught me so much more than how to cook Greek dishes!
I hope you have all been Ok while I have been away, and coping as well as you could.
Well, must do some work, it ws nice to catch up with you all again.
All my love, Sue x

I love Joyces saying of the ‘put one foot in front of the other’ because Im a great admirer of ‘commonsense’ . In a way we all lean on each other when we need to and I have always been happy to be the one leaned on so dont worry too much Pauline -life is a give and take situation
love from Janet

Hello Friends,
I am just popping in here to say that I know how that feels – the loneliness, I mean. It just doesn’t go away – it is always here, and there is no solution to it, I guess. Pauline, I know it all seems kind of useless – why are we doing this stuff, anyway? But – I don’t think I could stand the alternative – to not do anything – there would be nothing but thinking and thinking, and it is thinking that gets me into trouble every time. So – we go aimlessly on – doing stuff, living, – putting one foot in front of the other. I guess we hope that the good days get more and more , and the bad days less and less. Heaven help us all, I say!

Hugs – Joyce