Anthony died on 30th July in a London Hospice
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Hi Everyone,
We had snow here yesterday too & it is so cold. It is hard to believe that less than 2 weeks ago it was in the 70’s! I actually had to shovel off the front walk. Shoveling was always Jim’s job. I have the same situation with my vehicle & am considering doing the same as you, Joyce & letting the mechanic take it. I just don’t want to keep putting money into it. The woman alone thing is something none of us thought about as we didn’t expect to be alone! I also try to be more aware of it, but sometimes you are just caught off guard. I am also trying to keep busy especially on days that Jim & I used to spend doing things together. I am spending the day tomorrow with my sister & daughter-in-law. I am looking forward to that. I have been doing some reading on grieving & depression and the hardest season to get through for most people in our situation are the winter months as the nights are so long, which we all have already experienced & figured out. Also not surprisingly the holiday that is that most find the hardest to get through is Christmas. Well, ladies, it appears that we are getting hit with the first & toughest situations right up front! We will be needing all the help & support we can get! Do you think if we can get through the next few months it will get any easier? Atleast we have each other & all the other wonderful people on this site for strength & support. Everyone take care & have a nice week.
Love,
Darla
OXOXHello Everyone,
I, too, am a bit disappointed in some people – I am sure they are just busy, and don’t even think about us , but – it does make one a bit angry – actually, disappointed is a better word, I think, for me. My daughter and her family, and my sister-in-law, and my cousin Sharan (the “Rock”), along with my Mom are my constant support group, however – they are wonderful. Uh-oh – I forgot to mention Flashy – he is alsway here for me!
Haven’t sold the car yet – turns out there are some things wrong with it, so – I think I will have my mechanic (he is our friend) take it off my hands and to auction for me – that should be a good solution, I hope.
It is snowing here tonight – Friday it was 68 degrees – you just never know this time of year! I am very busy – with work and all that needs attending to around here, and that is a very good thing – not as much time ti think. Yesterday went pretty well – only a couple of meltdowns! I have also become very aware of the “woman alone” thing, and have noticed things I never even THOUGHT about before! I try to be cautious, not put myself into situations that could be dangerous, but – iy doesn’t come easy to me. I usually think about it AFTER i am in the situation!I hope you all have a good week.
Love – joyce
Hi Pauline, Joyce & Sue,
My Sunday has been OK. How are the rest of you doing? It is really cold, but atleast the sun was out for a while. I did a little shopping & now am home for the rest of the day I even watched part of a football game & I really was never interested in football! For me Sunday & Wednesday are the worst as they are the 2 days we spent doing things together. I pretty much try to keep busy those 2 days. Pauline, I am sorry the counseling is not helping. If you do continue, keep us updated as to how you are feeling about it. It is interesting that I too am finding myself upset, angry & disappointed with some people & situations. The ones you really thought would be there for you are not & yet there are others that have really surprised me & been very supportive. It is strange how people react to situations like ours. I think Jim too would be disappointed with some of them. I also will not ask for help or push myself on others. I really could use Jim here now too. I wouldn’t call these feelings self pity. It is just how we are feeling at the moment. More of the “normal” grieving process, no doubt. In the beginning we are so busy taking care of everything that needs to be done & everyone is calling & offering help & support & then gradually that all changes. I guess we have to learn to depend on ourselves & learn how to go on living our lives alone. It is such a drastic change & not one I had planned for. I hope everyone is doing OK. Take care all & keep in touch.
Love,
DarlaDear Darla, Joyce and Sue,
I hope you’re getting through Sunday alright. It’s been another very grey, depressing one here and I continue to find the weekends very difficult. I keep busy most of the week but then at weekends, when people tend to enjoy themselves a bit, I just get more and more depressed.
The counselling was a waste of time again. I may do the 6 sessions just to see if it gets anywhere in the end but I’m not holding out much hope. I don’t think it’s for me!
I’ve found myself feeling a bit angry at people over the last few days. I think I feel somewhat let down by some people who were close to Anthony and I. He used to say to me that there would be lots of people looking out for me when he was gone but sometimes I feel terribly isolated. I think he would be disappointed with some of them who rarely phone or call to see me. I think they do care but haven’t really got time to give much in their busy lives. I will never ask for anything – I have far too much self respect- but I just wish Anthony could be here to look after me. I really need that at the moment!
Well this is sounding a lot like self pity and I must guard against that. It’s so hard to be strong all the time, isn’t it? Ok, so I’m going to wipe away the tears and go and watch some rubbish on tv. I really wish I could start to focus on reading again but I can’t yet.
Take care all of you.
Love,
PaulineHI Sue,
Good job getting the car sold. Looks like you took care of the computer issue too. I am fortunate that I have a computer expert in the family! I can do some things, but a lot of it is way beyond my capabilities. I think you are right about the truck. Maybe Jim doesn’t want me to sell it.
We are deciding if I should get it going no matter what it takes & keep it or just sell it as it is for whatever I can get & get it out of here! The license is due the end of the year & I really don’t want to relicense it, so I think I would rather try to sell it before then. I really have no use for it & to keep it & all the expense that goes with it just so it is there in case I may need it some day is rather foolish. I also have a juke box in the shop that mysteriously wouldn’t work after Jim passed away. My son got it going again yesterday, so I am hoping it will still be working today! Now I am wondering if Jim doesn’t want me to sell that either! A book would be rather interesting, wouldn’t it? I hope you have a nice weekend. Try to keep busy!!!! Take care.Love,
DarlaOk well that worked so I will type it all out again!
Today I sold Rays car at the asking price – I took the precaution of taking my car to my friends house as her husband would be ther and I was glad I did, as 4 burly men drove up to buy the car. They were really nice actually but I would have been a bit intimidated on my own. The buyer went to the bank with me to deposit the cash, so that is done and dusted. I was really sorry to see Rays pride and joy go, but I cant drive two cars and the other car has 18 months varranty left so will be a safer bet.
Then I managed to install the new Fax/Printer/scanner in to my offcie computer. there were hundreds of wires but I just traced back from the original one, and stuck the leads in, at first it didnt work and I nearly gave up and called for help. but I persevered and got it working, so I was quite proud of myself.
But this evening I went to the local pub quiz with my friends we cannot hide from the fact we come back to an empty house.
Pauline, all the best for tomorrow, but if you thinkit will help you can always call me on the landline as we are in the same time zone. just let me know.
Joyce, you CAN sell Butch’s Toyota, if I can do it so can you.
And Darla, you always have a kind word for everyone, I am sure your son will help you with your truck – I personally think the battery thing is Jims way of teasing you!
I am going to bed now, all in all today has not been too bad.
Lots of love to you all!
Sue x
PS they ought to make our ramblings into a book!Hi girls, Well after just having wrote a posting saying today was not so bad, the computer shut down again.
Hi Everyone,
I also did not think much about the issue of being a woman alone. Never had to before & now just kind of pushed it aside, however, I think all of you are right. We do need to be more aware, even in familiar situations that we are alone & could be at risk. Actually, Denny’s sounds good to me to. Wish we could all get together for breakfast & a chat.
Pauline, I will be thinking of you tomorrow, trying to give you support as you go back to that awful hospice. Good luck with the counseling.
Love,
DarlaDear Darla, Sue and Joyce,
Well hearing about all the car problems you’re having makes me rather glad that Anthony and I just had one car between us and so nothing to sell – thank goodness. Seriously though I do think we need to be aware of the woman alone issue. I guess that because of all the emotions we’re going through we can tend to forget about these things. I certainly didn’t think about it all until I was in Italy a few weeks ago. I went for lots of walks as usual. One day I was walking in the woods a long way up from our house into the wilds of Tuscany. It suddenly occurred to me that this wasn’t really a very sensible place for me to walk on my own as no one knew where I was and it would have been very difficult to explain to anyone over the phone exactly where I was. I wasn’t nervous at all, I just realised it wasn’t sensible and kept to more accessible pathways after that.
I also find the returning home alone after any outing a very difficult thing, especially when it’s dark. Again, this is not because of nerves but because it just underlines the emptyness and loneliness of life, doesn’t it?
I am going for my second counsellig session tomorrow and, if I don’t find it useful this time I think I will stop going. I am dreading going back to that awful hospice again! I will let you know how it goes.
Take care all of you. Keep the lists going! Denny’s sounds very good. What a pity we can’t all pop there for a chat over breakfast!
Love
PaulineOk, now I plug in the lap top this morning & it won’t run! I think it is an issue with the cord, as I fooled around with it & finally got it to start up. As long as I don’t move anything around it is working. My son is going to check it on Thursday for me (along with the truck!). Hopefully I can keep it going until then! I still have the desk top computer, so it isn’t that big of a deal, but why now!!!!! It seems that all of our experiences are mimicing each other! Interesting. Sue I am glad your computer is working better now. Did you get the printer going yet? How are things going with the car? Let’s hope that one of us wins the lottery & we can all get together somewhere some day. I think you are right, We will be able to deal with all of this, as we have no choice in the matter, but it sure does seems as if we are all being constantly challanged & overwhelmed , as if the loss of our husbands isn’t enough! Is this what is supposed to make us stronger? Everyone take care.
Love,
DarlaHi All,
My computer is behaving a bit better today, but my Fax/printer has given up the ghost so I have ordered another and have no idea how to fix it in!
Had a better day today, I seem to be getting a few replies to the car advert, and a guy is coming to see it tomorrow. I think I must have put it in the ad at too low a price, as people are prepared to drive 2/3 hours to come and see it, but better sold at a lower price than be on my hands over Christmas and into January.
I know we can all do these things taht our husbands did, and taken one at a time it is not so bad, but they all seem to come at once and over whelm us!
Coffee sounds good, maybe one day… If I win the lottery I will treat us all to a coffee together!
Sue xGood Morning All,
Well, again, it appears we are having similar experiences! It sure would be nice if we could get together for coffee & hugs & help each other sort these things out. Sue, is your computer behaving better or are you still having problems? Joyce, I am also being told that things will slowly get better. I just wonder when & how!!!!!! Have a good day at work. I am off to start my day too. One Day At A Time. Everyone take care.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaYou won’t believe this – I am trying to sell Butch’s toyota , and I am having a heck of a time. It is an old car, and I am trying to get the Kelly Blue book value for a car in fair condition – BUT – this guy that came to look at it told me it needs brakes and a radiator . Now – is he lying, or is it true? I have to find out – I tell you, NOTHING it easy, and I HATE monkeying around with this stuff! I just would like to get the car out of the garage – every time I look at it, I start to cry.
So sorry about your computer crashing – it is so annoying, and I know that makes you crazy with the “now what do I do’s”. It seems like I didn’t realize how many things Butch took care of around here until now, and now everything is going wrong!
Sue – it sounds like you are having such a hard time. I wish we could all just sit down somewhere and have some coffee (or tea, as the case may be), and give each other hugs and support. They keep telling me it DOES get better, and I am hanging onto that. Yesterday was a hard day for me, but I kept busy as best I could, prayed, talked to Butch, and went to bed early!
Well – I am off to work – hugs to all of you,
Joyce
Sue, It sounds like you are having a rough time of it. I am trying to sell a truck of Jim’s also. It was running, but wouldn’t you know it, when I decided to sell it it wouldn’t start. My son put a new battery in & it started for 2 days & now is dead again!!!!! He is out of town & will be stopping again next weekend to check on it before listing it. He is going to take care of it & will be here if someone comes to check it out, so I don’t have to worry about the vulnerable lone woman thing atleast. It is something we need to keep in mind tho’. Who would have thought that at our age we would be alone & worrying about things like this. Jim died 2 days before my 60th birthday, so that will always be on my mind. I will try to remember what you told Ray’s daughter. It is a good way to remember him. I know how horrifying it is that they went so quickly. I still find it hard to believe that I will never see Jim again. That he will never again be with me physically. I think some days I feel that I am still some what in shock & denial. I keep telling myself that he is with me in spirit & will always be with me in my heart. Most days that helps some, but sometimes nothing helps. As you said, the worst is coming home alone to an empty house. No matter where we go or what we do we always have to face that alone. It really is not fair, but no one every said that life was fair, did they?
Anyway, enough of all that. I hope that this week will go better for all of us.
Love,
Darla
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