Anthony died on 30th July in a London Hospice
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Good Morning All,
I too feel like I have to do everything myself & find it hard to accept help from others, but do appreciate it when I get it. I am trying to keep busy today also. I am going to breakfast with my Mom & Dad, my sister’s & their husbands this morning. This afternoon my son & daughter-in-law are coming to spend some time with me, so I to hope that this week will be better for all of us than last week.
Pauline, I am glad you had a nice time with your friend. I hope your cold has gotten better by now. I know how you feel. I always thought Jim would be here to take care of me too & now I have to take care of myself.
I do think we are are a pretty strong group. We have to be to get through this and I think that knowing our husbands are watching over us helps, along with the support we get from each other.
Everyone have a good day & a better week. I will be thinking of all of you & hoping that things are going well.
Love,
DarlaHello everybody,
I do find it difficult to accept help from people – I am so grateful to have it now that I am accepting it, andfind that my friends and family have been wonderful to me. My sister-in-law came over today and helped me go through some of Butch’s things – it was very difficult, but easier because she was here. Tomorrow my Brother is coming down form his home – about an hour away – in the afternoon, so – with church in the morning and him in the afternoon, I hope it will be better than last week.Work did get better as the week went on. My friend said I seemed a thousand percent better at the end of the week than the beginning, so – I guess I am doing allright.
I guess my theory is that keeping busy keeps me from thinking as much. I still get blue, but it comes and goes. I talk to Butch, as you all talk to your husbands, and I talk to God – sometimes I am mixed up about exactly who I am talking to up there ! Oh yes – I talk to my dog Flash all the time too – he is a great conversationalist!
Warm thoughts to all of you – may your day tomorrow be better this week also.
Joyce
Dear all,
I haven’t been in touch for a few days because my friend was over here with me in Italy, which was really nice. She is very good with me and very kind. I made an effort to make it a pleasant stay for her and I hope it was. Unfortunately I got a bit ill over these last few days – only a bad cold really – but it made me feel quite depressed without Anthony to tell me to go to bed and fuss over me a bit with cups of tea and honey and lemon drinks etc.
I am thinking of you all as it is Sunday tomorrow and I know this is the difficult day. I find it easier if the weather is fine because at least a good walk is possible. Here there is a Sunday morning market in our local town which is another thing to do. I actually find Saturday nights very hard because Anthony and I would always have something nice to eat – maybe a take away curry from our favourite Indian restaurant – and I really miss him if I sit in alone.
I too am still finding it very hard to concentrate to read books or even watch films and I am still making lists every day to keep mself busy. It’s hard, just trying to keep going, isn’t it? I do think, however, that we are all pretty strong and we don’t seem to be the type of people to rely on others for too much, do we?
Take care,
PaulineJoyce,
I hope things are still going along OK for you. You are right, I also feel that as much as I love & miss Jim I am glad for him that it went quickly & he is no longer suffering. He would not have wanted to live like that.
I did file a claim for service related & will let you know when I hear anything. It will more than likely be denied the first time, but I will just keep trying. I know that they really don’t want to admit to any of this, just like Agent Orange, but atleast I know now that there are some claims that have been approved. I think our husbands would want us to do this. Even if it is too late for them, hopefully we can do some good & help others. It is all so unfair.
I know what you mean about the memories. I think we just need to try to replace them with memories of all the good times we shared.
I’m going to try to relax and read or watch a movie. It is still hard to focus on anything for very long. Take care & have a good day tomorrow.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaHi Everybody,
This week has been better at work – I am in the process of fitting back in – and learning new systems. I have had meetings all three days this week so far – working dinners, so didn’t get home until 8:00! My poor dog does NOT like that, but – it has kept me busy. I miss Butch so much, but – I wouldn’t have wanted him to suffer, and he did go so peacefully that I keep thinking that was such a blessing. Keeping busy is the best way for me right now, but – I can’t get overtired – we have discussed this before, and know where that leads!I haven’t started that good book yet – would like to read when the snow starts to fly, though! Also haven’t finished this Christmas table topper I have been embroidering for a LONG time – almost finished, just don’t have the what-ever to go back to it. I worked on it while I was with Butch at the University of Pittsburgh Medical Center for those 7 weeks – it brings back too many memories.
Good night all – get a good night’s sleep, and have a good day tomorow
Love – joyce
Joyce,
I know what you mean. The strangest things will set you off. A few times when I have gone with friends to eat, I would see something on the menu that was a favorite of Jim’s & I just feel so sad that I can no longer even share these little pleasures with him. I will sometimes get teary eyed in public, but like you do most of my crying at home alone. (Sometimes along with ranting, raving, hollering etc.)
It does seem to help to let it all out sometimes. Good luck with work today. I am hoping that every day gets a little easier for you.Love,
DarlaI agree – Sunday is going to require some planning – I did go out to eat tonight with the people from work on the commitee I am on – it went pretty well, except that they were talking about the games tonight, and it made me think of Butch (he loved sports) – almost started crying – held it in until I got home, then cried all over my dog – I feel better now.
Love -joyce
Hi All,
Sounds like we are all having issues with Sundays. Atleast we know what we need to do. Make plans & keep ourselves busy on Sunday’s. Now all we have to do is go out & do it!!!! Here’s hoping for a better week for all of us. Take care everyone.
Thinking Of All Of You,
Darla
Hi Joyce,
Hope today goes well for you, the worst is over now, so just stick at it and it will all fall into place.
I had a bad day yesterday – sorry I didn’t reply to you earlier – I felt very lonley so I think I will have to plan to keep my Sundays busy like you do!
Love SueGood Morning Joyce,
Glad to hear that your Sunday was a little better day. I don’t go out for breakfast alone yet either & often do my grocery shopping on Sunday. I think we all know that yo-yo feeling well! So on to face another day. Try to have a good one. I will be thinking of everyone & hoping for better days to come for all of us.
Love,
DarlaDon’t worry Joyce. Take it one step at a time and if you find dealng with all those issues at work too much for you at the moment, go and get yourself signed off by the doctor for a bit longer. I think you have got through the worst day though – seeing everyone for the first time and finding out about all the changes – you did well.
Take care
Love
PaulineThanks everyone – I am off to bed and tomorrow back to work – we shall see, but I am hoping you are right – it will get easier. Today was a better day – the kids raked my leaves, I enjoyed church (just can’t bring myself to go out to breakfast afterwards – went grocery shopping instead!). It was a beautiful day – plenty of sunshine, and what a difference that makes. I remind myself of a yo-yo – up, down, up, down!
Love – Joyce
Hi Joyce,
I think you did OK considering everything. Atleast with all of the new challenges it will help to keep your mind busy for a while. Keep at it. I am sure you will do just fine!
Darla
Hey, hey, Joyce. You went through much worse than your job changing computer systems…you can do it!!! I am really NOT a computer person and yet my job is totally computer and during this awful summer we had, we also changed systems. I wanted to cry….but no pity parties are allowed. Now I feel almost like a pro with the new system. I hate it, but I learned it. I have faith in you and the worst part is over, that first day! And, besides, we are all sending hugs your way!
Uh-oh – I wrote on the other posting! It was VERY difficult – everyone coming up to me and offering condolences – makes me feel sorry for myself! Also – my old job is gone – got to start again, and I am not used to having to wait for someone to train me – we got all new software while I was gone, all new phone system, all new alarm system, etc.! I just need to stick with it – too many changes in my life right now – it is very hard. This probably contributed to my depression yesteray – fears about learing and fitting in to the “new” responsibilites, etc. They have ASSURED me many times that we will all work together, but – I am scared, you know?
I am going to keep at it, and hope that in a couple of weeks I am reporting that it is going well.
Love – Joyce
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