Anthony died on 30th July in a London Hospice

Thank you so much Marion, I will tell Sam you think this will be a nice tribute to her Dad.
Good night and God bless.
Sue

My two dear friends, I have a favour ta ask from my daughter Sam. She has re-read the poem that Rays Mum wrote and thinks is not so appropriate for a daugter to read about her Father. She has adapted a poem she found about a daughter writing about her Mum to suit what she would like to say about her Dad. She has asked me to ask your opinion of which peom she should read. I know this is a bit trivaul but means a lot to her. Please if anyone else is reading our posts I would like your help and opinion. It will be difficult for Sam to read but she really wants to try.
When we first saw you going,
Our hearts were almost broken,
We wanted you back
But when we saw you sleeping,
So peaceful, free from pain,
How could we wish you back with us,
To go through that again
It broke our hearts to lose you,
But you did not go alone,
For part of us went with you,
The day God took you home
If Roses grow in Heaven,
Lord please pick a bunch for us,
Place them in my Dad’s arm
and tell him they are from us
Tell him we love him and miss him
and when he turns to smile,
place a kiss upon his cheek
and hold him a while.
Because remembering him is easy,
We do it everyday,
But there’s an ache within my heart
that will never go away.
Don’t think of him as gone away
His journey’s just begun,
Life has so many facets
This earth is only one
And think of him as living
In the hearts of those he touched
For nothing loved is ever lost
And he is loved so much.
Please everybody let her know what you think
Allmy love.
Sue.

Dear Sue,

I am so sorry & yet also happy & relieved that Ray has passed on. As you stated, only we can understand that although we are saddened & in pain, we are relieved that for Ray it is over & he no longer suffers. It is so wonderful that his passing was made so comfortable & smooth for him. I am glad that you were able to arrange for all of his wishes to be met. Some of our experience was much the same as yours. All of the family also were there for him in the last few days before he passed & Jim seemed to know that they were there. I think that was important to both Ray & your family also. In a perfect world, these things would never happen, but as they do & we need to deal with them as best we can, I think you have done a good job. You can be proud of yourself for making his last days as comfortable & pain free as you did & also that you could relieve his mind of worries so that he could pass in peace. Take comfort in the fact that he is now in a better place & that his Mother was there to greet him. I too just sat alone thinking & numb those first nights & still do at times. You are so busying fighting for him & doing everything you need to do & then it is over & there is this emptiness & void. I will be thinking of you during these next days & trying to help give you the strength to get through them. I have been there and know how hard it is going to be. When I first posted here Pauline was there for me & we will both be here for you also. We are all walking in the same shoes now & we all truly understand what the others are going through. You are in my thoughts & prayers.

Hugs & Love,
Darla

Hi Sue,

I am so sorry & I am here for you. Although this disease seems to treat everyone differently. I can tell you that Jim also had some confusion towards the end & was in a coma on & off. He would appear to come out of it a little from time to time & seemed to know when people where there. I think it is a good thing for them to know they are not alone & everyone is there for them. Even when he wasn’t able to communicate, it seemed that he knew we were there for him. We also had to deal with the do not resusitate issue towards the end. It seems to make it so final even though it is not yet over. Jim also was doing all normal things 7 weeks before he passed away. Unlike your situation, we had no idea of what was going on at first. I sometimes wish we had known sooner as it really blindsided us, however, it does not seem to matter in the end as the outcome is the same. You have known for 20 months & it still is coming at you so fast now. I too knew what Jim’s wishes were, however, at one point I did just mention that if things got worse, was that still how he felt. I too did not want to bring it up & be negative, so I tried to make it sound like things were going to be OK, but that I just wanted to know in the event things went bad. Now, I think he knew even then that he would not survive this & in his own way was being strong for me. I can not stress enough that pain relief is the important thing for him right now. You can not stop this terrible disease, but you can help to make him comfortable. It is good that the hospital will let you be there whenever you want. We also were able to do that. Again, know that we are all here for you. Keep posting as much & as often as you need to. All you can do for the moment is, as you said, get dressed & face the day. You can deal with this. One Day At A Time.

Hugs & Love,

Darla

Hi Pauline,
I am sorry I didnt answer to your message of yesterday. You dont know how much it means to be able to speak to you and Darla here, or I suppose you do know.
I havent been able to sleep and it is such a comfort to be able to write down my feelings, somehow it is more theraputic than speaking with someone it is as if by writing it you purge yourself of a bit of the grief. I am in limbo now. I know in the coming week or so I will have a big funeral to organise. We live in a village and everyone knewand loved Ray for his sense of humour. He wants a burial in the village church so as well as family and friends there will be half the village there. I dont know how to approach the subject with Ray, I know that when my Dad was in the hospice the doctor there told him there was no hope and he didnt want to hear it even though he knew. I think Ray is like my Dad in that respect so I guess I will leave it up to him to open the can of worms. We have talked enough in the past for me to know what he would want. I feel awful talking about his funeral and he hasnt died yet but I cant help it. It is dawn now, the hospital and doctors have been very good they say we can go whenever we want and stay as long as we want. I hope Ray stays lucid enough to talk to everyone who will be visiting him today, especially as his three grandchildren want to come this evening. Sam has told me that when the kidney fails it causes confusion and he may go into a coma. The main thing is that there is no pain for him just now. The hospital want to discuss pain relief today and I have to sign a form to say if his heart stops we dont want him revived. It is all coming a bit too fast, even though we have known about this for 20 months, we still didnt expect things to go so fast, I know it is a blessing in disguise but it is still difficult to think that only two weeks ago, Ray was cutting the grass and enjoying the sunshine.
Well my friends I better get dressed and face the day. Thank you for being there for me,
Love Sue x