Anthony died on 30th July in a London Hospice
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Hi all
I am stressed bigtime.Tomorrow I have an apointment to lodge a tax return for myself and Joel,I am sure you have another system or word for it but I have struggled to get together the relevant paperwork and I have been dreading it.Anyhow-TOMORROW its on. Janet xIwas a good roller skater too,Darla and a good ice skater ,I loved the ice rink and I kept my ice skates for years but eventually gave them to the op shop.We had a roller rink near here and I was still ok to skate around with the boys a few years ago Janet
Hi Everyone,
It sounds like you are all doing a good job of keeping busy. I too try my best to keep going as it does help, but I do still seem to need my alone time too. Sometimes I do have to really push myself to get out & do things, but I know I just have to or everything just starts to overwhelm me again.
I have to agree with you Joyce & Pauline, I am also dreading the up coming winter. Those long nights and all the cold & snow. I have to call the guy to set up for plowing too. One can only hope we catch a break this year & it isn’t as bad as the past two years.
I go back and forth on the working thing. Some days I am glad to have the shop for something to do & others I just want it to all go away. Atleast, I can be rather flexible with myself and put in only as many hours as I want to.
Janet, I too so often want to go to Jim to tell him something or remind him of something & then realize I can’t do that any more. Nothing is the same with no one to share it all with, is it?
I have a lot of pictures around of Jim & of us together on vacations etc. and sometimes when I see his smiling face & sparkling eyes it takes my breath away and brings tears to my eyes. It makes it hard to believe he is no longer here.
I used to roller skate maybe 30 years ago & was actually quite good at it. I think I still have my skates somewhere. I should maybe dig them out & give it a go!
Sue, I hope things are going OK for you.
Janet, I know you are already into a new week and the rest of us are just finishing off the weekend, so I hope everyone got through the weekend OK and that we can all have a relatively good week.
Everyone take care. I think of all of you often and hope things are going well for all of you.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaHello Everyone,
Pauline – I think we are all dreading the winter months – my new friends included. We talked about it the other day – trying to plan things to keep the “walls from closing in” . I know you have booked yourself with work plans – I hope this is not a mistake – I find that I can only do so much now – and – I used to be a real “workaholic”! Now I find it a chore to have to work full time. For me – I think I would love to reduce my hours, BUT – that is not going so well right now. My whole outlook on that whole work thing has changed so much, I have a hard time adjusting.Janet – I hope the weekend went “OK” – we are just getting thru, aren’t we? From one event to the next, it seems. I enjoyed the play – and went to dinner with my new friends Friday night. Yesterday I went to my 11 year old grand-daughter’s roller skating birthday party, and her other Grand-Mother and I roller skated! We accomplished this by using these walker things – on wheels – that they have there – for young children to learn how to skate and for old people like us to hang onto! I am sure we were a sight, but the kids loved it anyway.
Darla – I can’t believe I am going to have to call the snow-plow guy pretty soon, to get ready for the winter! I mowed today, but soon the leaf-raking will start – I dread it – our house is in the woods, and there are MANY, MANY leaves to be raked. Well – at least I won’t have to wory about the heat – with that new furnace, I should be just fine!
Sue – I hope you are OK – I am trying to not be depressed – trying not to think about last year at this time too much, which, of course, is impossible. Part of me just can’t even believe that a whole year has gone by, and the other part of me thinks it has been like this forever!
Love – Joyce
Hi people
How is it all going?I have had a birthday to contend with this weekend and I have kept it busy so its all gone ok.Its such a strange business going through all these “days”,I think I will be relieved when the 1st round of them is over.
Joyce,I hope you enjoyed your play,I am glad you have some good types to hang with.Pauline I am glad the work aspect is going well,it still startles sometimes remembering that the person we tell everything to isnt there,I experience that too.
Darla,I hope the shop is going ok and Sue I hope your work is working out.
I feel as if I cant be bothered with work,but dont get the wrong impression,I really need to work more to stay afloat.I just prefer pottering here!
love from JanetHello everyone,
I am thinking of you all and hoping you are ok. I know this is a hard time for you, Joyce and Sue as the one year anniversary approaches. I’m sorry you have been low Darla and I hope you feel a bit better now. It’s good to hear from you Janet and Cyndi too.
I am ok and have been very busy getting back into work after the long summer break. I was so low in the summer that I have thrown myself into work and have picked up more projects just to keep myself focused and busy. I will probably end up wondering why I’m exhausting myself with work and will want to ease up a bit!
Autumn is here and I must say I’m dreading winter. I was sent some photos of Anthony and myself and the family from August 2007, when he had just been diagnosed with cancer. Seeing these for the first time seemed to bring him back so close to me and there were a few more tears. I went for an interview for more work yesterday and when I got it there were more tears because Anthony wasn’t there to be proud of me!
Anyway, take care everyone. Have a good weekend!
With love,
PaulineHi Cyndi,
Good to hear from you. I think we are all resistant to change. We are so afraid of losing the memories of the life we had and that is all we have left of that life now. I know we can all relate to what you are going through and I guess it is “normal” under the circumstances, but it is so hard to move forward when all you really want to do is go back to the life we had before this horrible illness turned it upside down. As Joyce said, it has only been 5 months for you so everything is still so fresh. It is a lot of ups & downs and hopefully as time goes on there will be more ups and less downs.
I think that knowing that there are others going through the same things and that we are not alone will help us all get through this and give us the strength and support we need to go on. It does sound as if you are doing OK considering everything and I hope that things will continue to get better for you in the future.
Take care Cyndi and keep in touch.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaHi Cindy,
I am so glad to hear from you – it sounds like you are coming along – it has only been 5 months for you, after all, and the grief is still so fresh. Keep on moving forward and it will get a bit better – ups & downs, back and forth, but – a bit better. Somebody wrote a book a ways back – I don’t remember who wrote it – but I remember the name of the book – “10 minutes from Normal”. Well – that sounds like all of us – we are someplace alay from normal, and need to get back there!Love – Joyce
Hi all,
I’m sorry for not posting for so long.
Like the song says ‘What a long, strange trip it’s been.’Looks like you’ve all been feeling all the things I’ve been experiencing just trying to find normal again. I’m glad to hear that you are remaining strong & doing so much towards reaching your goals. Gives me inspiration to read about all your adventures, knowing that you know exactly how it feels to lose your life-long partner.
I can’t say that I’ve been terribly productive these past months. I’ve been resisting the changes but I know I can’t go on forever doing that. At some point I have to learn how to live again. I’m just now (after 5 months) beginning to find the strength to get rid of & sell some of my husband’s things that I know I don’t want to take with me when I move. It’s so hard.
It’s kind of like my being stuck in the past has been keeping me from moving forward into the future but I guess that is just par for the course.Glad to hear that you are all getting out & doing things, spreading your feelers & riding the waves. I know we will all find ourselves & our places again. This board & reading your posts gives me hope.. Thanks for that.
Take care & smile a little more each day..
Love, CyndiHella Everybody,
Yes – these “ups & downs” are inexplicable – I do think,however, that the “ups” are higher than they used to be. I hope that is true for all of you – I am able to enjoy things a bit more that I was at first able to do. I am more observant of life around me also, I think. However, this makes the “downs” more noticeable to me! I do try to live my life differently now – Butch had a key chain – a pewter heart that says “Each day is a Gift from God”. I use it for my key chain now, and I try to live by that motto. Losing him has made me try to live for both of us – some days it is darn hard work, though!Janet – I am glad you had a good trip – and that your Sister is in remission, even though very ill. Hope your Son’s thumb is ghetting better – that sounds very painful.
I am going to see a play tonight at a little local play house – with my friends from the young widows group. It is SO nice to have something to look forward to doing with friends – it makes a huge difference in my weekend. In just a few minutes I am going to drive to the farmers market thaey hold each Saturday Morning – they sell wonderful homemade bread, cookies, pies there, in addition to fruits and vegetables and fresh flowers. it is quite nice, although a bit fattening!
Love – Joyce
Hi Everybody,
Just thought I’d check in. Thanks for the “vibes” Janet. We all can use them. How are things going with the vehicles & the boys?
Joyce, I don’t think there is any way to understand why we feel the way we do and what brings the thoughts & feelings on. I thought I got through the 1 year anniversary and the next few days I was doing OK. Now, the past 2 days I have been really down again and don’t know exactly why. I hope work isn’t getting to be too much for you. Is there any chance you could just cut back a little? I too am dreading the winter months. The days are already getting shorter and it won’t be long before the snow & cold are back. Hopefully this year won’t be as bad as last year. You are so right about the long lonely nights. It is just so hard. Atleast you have Flashy.
Sue, It sounds lilke you are keeping yourself busy. I’m glad your Mum is doing so good. I hope you two have a nice time in Spain. Has your business picked up any? As you said, some income is still better than none at all.
I will be thinking of both of you as you approach the one year anniversary. I too know it is all part of the grieving process that we have to go through, but it sure doesn’t make it any easier, does it?
Pauline, I hope things are going OK for you.
I think we all just need to keep making plans and try to keep busy and hopefully in time the pain & loneliness will easy some.
Everyone take care and keep in touch.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaHi everyone
Harmonious vibes to you all.How exciting about the Beatles remastered albums,we dont know whether to buy the boxed set or accumulate gradually.
My whirlwind trip to Queensland went well.It was lovely to see my sister although she is still very unwell from treatment related issues-the cancer seems in remission.I had a dip in the sea up there which was terrific.
I hope you are all good,and pursuing a few new and old interests.
My youngest son has a broken thumb-it is in a splint,this is a big drama because he is doing music for his HSC(?Alevels)and his performance piece was next week,It never lets up with kids this age!I really miss Joel with all this going on.
It is always great to hear how everyone is going,workwise etc…..keep in touch
JanetHi All,
I hope you are all in a good place today.
Life has been pretty busy at the moment what with work, Sams new house and my Mum – by the way thanks for asking after her, she would be amazed that people all around the world care for her wellbeing! She is making a good recovery, a little slower than she was expecting, but nevertheless given her age she is doing brilliantlyand she is back at home under her own steam again now. I am planning to take her to Spain for a week at the end of this month to recouperate.
Work is still quite demoralising at the moment as my orders keep getting less and less and I don’t know what I can do to improve things. But I keep telling myself that i am lucky to have some income at least from the business as so many people are unemployed atthe moment.
Pauline, your last few days in Italy sound wonderful – how lovely that you are a part of such a wonderful way of life with such warm people. It must be a place where you feel Anthony close to you as he loved it so much. I imagine how much you miss when you are there, but it sounds as if the people there care for you deeply and that must be a comfort.
Darla, I am thinking of you at this time of year. I am dreading October. Just lately I have been thinking of Rays last few days a lot – I know it is part of the greaving process but it is so hard sometimes.
Janet how did your trip to your sister go? I hope it went well and you can use it as a springboard for more trips away. Another first ticked off the list!
How are you Joyce? It is hard with the autumn coming on isnt it? I am trying to fill my diary for the winter months with little things to look forward to until the spring – arranging visits to friends and little trips away, and inviting people over for meals and family days. Sometimes I plan too much but at least if I am busy it gives me less time to brood.
Anyway, everyone keep well and try to keep positive and I will do the same.
Lots of love to you all.
Sue
Hello Everyone,
I just caught up on my reading the posts – it was good to hear what each of you is doing. Pauline, I can sympathize with the meltdown – I seem to go along really well, and then – no one is more surprized than me when – boom – something sets me off and I am weeping again. I just know that it is going to get a bit worse as I go into this time of year – I am feeling it already – I was just thinking as I drove home tonight that I am NEVER going to see Butch again. Now – I certainly must have thought that many times over the last 11 months, but – it just hit me anew today – I am baffled as to why, now – this is so on my mind.Sue – I am so happy for Sam – it sounds like she will be settled in to her new house, and her new life, and it will be lovely for her. I hope that things are going well with your Mom – is she at your house now? I know what you mean about the job – I would love to cut back, and it doesn’t seem possible – they held this job for me, and the projects need to be done, and I love my job – but – I would love to have a bit less of it! All together , though – I am grateful to have it – so many people are out of work, and it is hard times now, so – I better stop complaining!
Janet – I hope you enjoy your visit with your sister – I am so glad you are “branching out” – also happy that your winter is going away. I am sure you will be better in the coming season.
Darla – I know how difficult this date must be for you – I am thinking of you and sending you warmest thoughts, my friend.
I have a lot going on this month – I DO try to stay busy – I think it helps me greatly. I dread winter coming on – long lonely nights, as we all know. Well – I do have Flashy, so that is a big comfort!
Love to all of you,
Joyce
Hello All,
Janet, I know all about those teary moments and hope you are feeling a bit better. I too hope your trip goes well and you have a nice visit with your sister. I am glad you are having nice weather. Here it was only 40 degrees last night. It is still supposedly summer, but it has been an unseasonable cold one!
Pauline, It sounds like you have been quite busy in Italy the past few days. Winning the prize and giving it to someone who really appreciates it was a nice way to end your stay. I know how sad it is not being able to share these moments with Anthony. I know that some way, some how, he knows & is smiling.
Both of you be safe on your travels the next days. I will be thinking of you.
As for me, I am dealing the best I can. Just trying to get by for the moment.
I am thinking of everyone here who has chosen to visit & share with us. Hoping that everyone is doing OK. Everyone take care.
Love & Hugs to All,
Darla
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