Any advice on how to find the right words?
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- This topic has 5 replies, 6 voices, and was last updated 13 years, 7 months ago by amylea.
October 26, 2009 at 5:47 pm #32243amyleaSpectator
My mom passed away in September, she told all of us that she wanted us to get up and speak about her . Wow, that was one of the hardest moments that I have ever encountered. I wrote out a speech ahead of time, but when I got up there I didn’t say one word of it. I just totally went with my heart and said what came out. Now I can’t remember what I said, but it was from my heart.
Good luck to you. I am so sorry that you are having to do this.
AmyOctober 21, 2009 at 4:11 am #32242devoncatSpectator
I went to a friends funeral 2 years ago and it was the most incredible mixture of laughing and crying. We had two friends named Niklaus so we always distinguished between them by calling him Crazy Niklaus. And I would say, that his memorial service followed that theme. What I liked the most about the speaches was the perfect balance of everyone reliving shared memories and funny incidents as well as telling personal stories that were new to almost all of the other guests. I got to learn so much more about our wonderful friend.October 21, 2009 at 3:27 am #32241ashleySpectator
You may even want to add some of John’s own words from his website. He definitely had this uniquely ‘cool’ journalistic writing ability ( can you tell I am an accountant and have trouble writing??) and perhaps adding in a few of his examples ( sarcasms/opinion, etc) would help describe him. As for what he meant to you – just speak from your heart and you will have found the right words.
Again, I’m really sorry to hear about John’s passing. My thoughts go out to you and your families.
AshleyOctober 21, 2009 at 2:37 am #32240cherbourgSpectator
One evening before my Mom died, she asked my Daddy to get an envelope for her from her dresser. We found she had pretty much planned her funeral soon after she was diagnosed. She had written the order of service, picked her hymns and scripture and told my Daddy she wanted him to sing and that one of her daugters would give her eulogy. At that point I had to leave the room and honestly wanted to vomit since I knew she meant me.
For the next few months everytime I was in the car I would try to practice what I would say. The opening line was, “I am Helen Davis’ oldest daughter”. After I would get that far I would burst into tears and draw a blank.
I knew it was something I HAD to do for my Mom but also for myself (but I really wasn’t sure I could.)
The morning of Mom’s funeral I got up at 3:30 and sat in the bathroom floor with a stack of typing paper and a pen. I said a prayer that I would make her proud and the words began to flow.
I spoke for about 20 minutes at the funeral and felt it was a picture of her battle with this monster of a disease. I wanted her friends and coworkers to know of her courage, her humor and her determined fight to see her 4th and only granddaughter get married and the birth of her second great grandchild. I wanted them to see she was a remarkable woman who had raised two wonderful daughters, had 4 grandchildren, two great-grandchildren and a loving husband she was married to for 58 years.
I wanted them to see a picture of a woman of faith, great love and compassion and humor.
I guess what I’m saying is that you will find the right words….just give yourself some quiet time and listen to your heart.
You’ll be in my thoughts and prayers…
PamOctober 21, 2009 at 2:27 am #32239elib03Member
My mom passed away from this cancer on aug 29th. My family and I struggled with this because she had 5 children and 4 brothers and sisters…so we knew it could be long when we opened the mic up.
So we all wrote out what we wanted to say, memories, funny interesting facts that made us love them, funny memories to make people laugh. We wanted to capture how special she was. I wrote out ahead of time generally what I wanted to cover or share. I wrote and wrote! As you write it is much like a journal, it hurts but it feels good after. So get it all out on paper. Then read it aloud to yourself. Know that when you get up there you may get nervous and there is no way you are actually going to remember or talk about it all. So just know at least 3 things or a general theme you want to share about the man you love. After my family members began… things came to mind and I knew exactly what I wanted to say and the words came out perfectly. The 3 general things I wanted to share came out too. For me my theme was “My mom made things pretty”. She saw the beauty in everything and everybody even when know one else could. Because she was an artist and poet it worked. OK I’m rambling, sorry hope I helped a little, hope it makes sense. Blessings, EliciaOctober 21, 2009 at 1:27 am #2794saracitaMember
Many of you know about my boyfriend John who passed away almost 2 weeks ago. We are having a memorial celebration for him in a few weeks… an opportunity for everyone to come together to remember his life and what a great guy he was.
I am trying to figure out the words… that I would say about him… if he were in the room. He was a very sarcastic and oftentimes critical fellow… That was what I loved about him! I am not sarcastic nor am I critical… I’m one of those heart on her sleeve, mushy people.
I believe that he will be there, in a way. I struggle between sounding extremely depressing or too cheezy. I am devastated by his passing, but somewhat relieved that what made him suffer so greatly is finished and gone from his body. I would like to honor him by telling the whole world about how much he meant to me, but I can’t stop this self-editing, and this feeling that no words will be adequate to be what I want to express.
A long-winded question, does anyone have any advice as to how they came to find those “right” words?
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