Butch passed away on October 9th, at peace and at home

Hi Darla (and Sue, and Pauline),
I just read your post and read that today will be two months since Jim passed away. Today will be one month for Butch. I am going to church in a few minutes, and I will say a prayer for all of us- everyone on this board, and Pauline, Sue, you and I.
It is another unseasonably warm day in upstate New York (has gone up to the high 60’s lately). The sun is in and out . I am so thankful for that! One of my tasks today is to get the snow blower out and learn how to use it! My son-in-law is coming up to do a final raking, and my Brother is stopping in on his way back to his home in Ithaca. So – along with church and the grocery store (my replacement for going out to breakfast after church!), I hope to keep myself pretty busy. Next weekend my Grandchildren are staying with me. Last night my neighbor invited me over for beef stew, and Tuesday my sister-in-law and brother-in-law are taking me out to dinner – Tuesday is my wedding anniversary and they remembered, God love them. Since it was not my first wedding, and Butch didn’t want a fuss, we flew to Las Vegas and got married there on Veteran’s Day in 1995 – he was a 53 year old batchelor at the time, and it took some training to get him used to marriage! He became very good at it, though, and we shared a wonderful life.
Hope all three of you have plans for today, and I will be thinking of you. Sue – it was so good to hear from you (on the other posting, I mean!) I have become so attached to all of you, and interested in your progress. Many good thoughts all of your ways.

Love – Joyce

Hi Sue,
Sorry about your “down” day – hope today was better. Saturday was my bad day – it rained all day, and there were grey skies – inside and out! I guess we habve to have these days, but, boy – it is tough when it hits, isn’t it? I have to do some talking to myself, and Butch, and God to get through. Tonight I didn’t ger home until 8:00, so I am headed straight to bed – woke up at 4:30 this morning – that is just indecent!

To all of you –

Love,

Joyce

Hello Everyone,
I meant to write yesterday, but yesterday was a “down” day – it was very depresses. I went to work on Friday, but yesterday it rained all day, and I didn’t even get everthing on my list done – just couldn’t. This morning I am going to church, and this afternoon some boys from the youth groups are coming over to rake my leaves – Butch asked them to, before he left us! I have hurt my shoulder, so can’t this year.
I was amazed to read about all the electrical things going wrond, lights on and off, etc. That is EXACTLY what has happened to me!! In fact, about a week before Butch passed on, he told me that if there was a way to get word back to me that he “got home safe”, he would do it – didn’t know if he could, he said – everybody trys it and you don’t here about many successes, but he would try – didn’t know what he would do, either – lights on and off, ect. – depended on what was available. I reminded him of that promise – once on the last day. Well, the night he passed, the jockey outside where our lawn light is went out for the night shortly after he died. It is on a timer from 7 till 11:00 PM – it goes on and off at that time every other night. That night, my cousin looked out at 9:15 and it was on – she sid “I always think that jockey light is someone turning in to your driveway, so we KNOW itwas on. He passes around 9:20 and we called hospice. When she looked out because she though hospice had pulled in, it was around 10 – jocky was out and didn’t come back on that night. It was fine the next night, and every night since. Many other strange things have happened, and things like the garage door openers are still acting up. Butch didn’t wear his watch for quite awhile before he passed on, but when I cleaned out his dresser, I looked at the watch – it is stopped at 9:20! I think we can all safely say that our loved ones let us know that they “got home sfely”, and are watching over us.
I forget to tell you about Flashy. That night, both Flash and I were sitting on Butch’s bed – Flash with his head on Butch’s stomach. When the spirit left Butch’s body, Flash jumped up, howled and yelled and ran barking for the sliding glass doors – he wanted OUT, scratching on the doors, etc. Since that day, he has never looked for Butch – he is sd and he KNOWS hew is gone.
I was tending to feel that divorce was better than separation by death – I have been thru both – my prior marriage ended in divorce – but they are both truly awful – death is just final. Also, at the end of the marriage that ended in divorce, I was emotionally distanced from him, and that helped a bit – I just miss Butch so much – this sadness is much deeper.
I know what you mean about the kitchen chair – I have moved over to his chair – that seems to help a bit – at least I am not looking at his empty chair! I am so glad I have you three to communicate with – you are all brave, wonderful souls, and we will continue along this journey together. I gain a lot of insight when I read these postings, we – the 4 of us – are a composite of bereaved spouses everywhere, and what we are going through has been gone through by millions upon millions of people since time began. I tell myself this when I get desparately sad – that we will get through this just like they all did. It helps me to put it in perspective. It IS amazing to me how similar events are amongst us.
I know what you all mean about talking to people – some people get that “deer in the headlights” look if we head for that subject. I know a couple of people who have lost their husbands (and wives, actually), and they seem to be able to deal with this just fine – know what to say, what not to say. etc. You DO Just learn who you can say things to, and who you can’t.

I hope everyone has a good day – we should look forward to a time when the good days outnumber the bad days.

Joyce