Devoncat no more

Hans,
Thank you for sharing your last few days. My heart is breaking for you. Kris was an amazing woman and her love for you was always obvious. I don’t know how to put into words all the emotions I am feeling. Just know that there is someone across the ocean in snowy Minnesota that will be praying for you as hard as I prayed for Kris. May God Bless you and bring you comfort and peace.
Jamie

It has been two days now…

The nurses came after an hour or so and undressed her and washed her, and we put on some clothes I picked out for her. Then they left me alone with her and I sat with her for a few hours before I was so exhausted I went to bed across the room from her, after moving some stuff so I could still see her. Our last night together.

I spent a lot of the next day sitting with her, although there were so many people to talk to, medical bills to pay and other practical details… It was probably just as well I couldn’t be there the whole time, because they made me turn off the radiators and open the windows to keep the room cold… It was good to have time to say good bye bit by bit during the day, in my own time.

The undertaker came in the afternoon. Among many other things he asked me if I wanted an urn, and left me with a big catalogue. I passed on the urn, but without telling him Kris wanted to have a silly ceramic cookie jar instead of an urn… At midnight he came back to pick her up and take her into Frankfurt. I followed the tail lights through the park, and on my way back I passed the spot where I used to scoop up the snow Kris made me get her to make slushies in her room. I got a new room to sleep in, but didn’t get any sleep at all.

Today I tried to have a day to myself, amid all the practicalities. It will be almost a week before I can collect her ashes, and the paper work to take her to Sweden. But I don’ want her shipped, I want to take her with me.

I retraced the steps of our one and only walk/push in the park around the clinic, just after X-mas. It was the only time she had the energy, time and inclination to go outside during the three weeks here. A beautiful day and the wheelchair handled the snow so well. We were just out for half an hour, tasted the salt water springs and looked at the pretty little village, but it was such a good half hour it was worth dragging the wheelchair to Germany just for that! An outing together…

Tomorrow I’m off to Bonn to stay with one of Kris’ flat mates from when we met, back in Glasgow 2001. I’m looking forward to spending some time with a friend who knew Kris before she knew what cc was.

When Kris was first diagnosed this forum quickly became hugely important to her. Here she found endless support, research, inspiration and a big part of her social life over these four years. Someone in this thread caracterized her as being “always witty, charming, sarcastic, bittersweet, articulate, inspiring, amazing”. That is very close to how she used to describe her circle of friends on this forum, many of them long gone now. Reading through your comments it is plain to see that their spirit – and hers – is alive and well among you!

Hans:
The news about Kris has broken my heart.

Victoria

I am in shock and denial and I am heartbroken over this news — and I didn’t even know Kris personally! Hans, my heart goes out to you, and to your family and Kris’s family and, of course, to the cats. She touched me as she touched everyone on this board and she made us laugh out loud and root for her and weep for her. I can only say that she packed more love, laughter, living and zest into her short life than most people could do in two lifetimes. What a loss for us, for her family and friends, and for humanity. If there is a tribute page for her, it would be wonderful if her cc friends here could let the world know how much she changed our lives with her humor, her support, and her love. I don’t mean this in a morbid way, but Kris will NEVER rest in peace — she will rock everyone’s world in heaven or wherever she is now — and she will make the angels laugh and sing.

I’m so so sorry for our loss.

Joyce M

To Hans and family,

I am so sorry, she was yours and ours for a while, how lucky we were.

I found a poem a few weeks ago that made me think of Kris and her cottage and her love of flowers. I hoped I would never have to post it as that would mean she was gone, here it is along with some others that make me think of her.

Paradise –
I see flowers
from the cottage where I lie.
~Yaitsu’s death poem, 1807

And then I think of one who in her youthful beauty died,
The fair, meek blossom that grew up and faded by my side:
In the cold moist earth we laid her, when the forest cast the leaf,
And we wept that one so lovely should have a life so brief:
Yet not unmeet it was that one, like that young friend of ours,
So gentle and so beautiful, should perish with the flowers.
~ from The Death of the Flowers, William Cullen Bryant

Dream Land
by Christina Rossetti

Where sunless rivers weep
Their waves into the deep,
She sleeps a charmed sleep:
Awake her not.
Led by a single star,
She came from very far
To seek where shadows are
Her pleasant lot.

She left the rosy morn,
She left the fields of corn,
For twilight cold and lorn
And water springs.
Through sleep, as through a veil,
She sees the sky look pale,
And hears the nightingale
That sadly sings.

Rest, rest, a perfect rest
Shed over brow and breast;
Her face is toward the west,
The purple land.
She cannot see the grain
Ripening on hill and plain;
She cannot feel the rain
Upon her hand.

Rest, rest, for evermore
Upon a mossy shore;
Rest, rest at the heart’s core
Till time shall cease:
Sleep that no pain shall wake;
Night that no morn shall break
Till joy shall overtake
Her perfect peace.

I am so sad to learn of Kris’s passing.

Although I only knew Kris through these discussion boards and FB, her vitality and hope was always shining through even in her toughest days.

Sincere condolences to Hans and all Kris’s family and friends on their huge loss. Love and peace to Kris – I’m so glad our paths crossed in this life.

Helen xx

I awoke this morning to see a facebook post that Kris had passed away. Although I never met her in person, like others, I feel that she was a dear friend. The tears have flowed today, I was so hopeful that the new treatments would be successful and she would be able to return home to her kitties and have many more years with her husband and loved ones. To Hans and her family I will keep you all in my prayers. I am so sorry for your loss.

Jamie

Since I read the news this morning, it feels like I’ve been in a fugue – trying desperately to focus on things which don’t matter & to avoid thinking about the things which do.

I, too, feel like I know Kris & that I’ve lost a very, very dear friend. I will always remember her as this wonderful, sparkling woman who took my hand when I gingerly stepped onto the Boards not much more than a year ago & (along with other shining stars on here) gently guided me through the cc maze.

Dear Kris – your posts made me laugh & cry & I learned so much from your wise words & from your compassionate actions. You could be going through some unimaginably hard times … & would then diffuse everything by “complaining” () that the thing you hated most about cc was watching people turn green when you farted. I choked on my tea when I read that. My sister, too, was so grateful for all your insights into experiences she was having & that she felt so alone with.

I can’t believe you’re no longer with us but I know you’ll never leave us.

God bless you, Kris – & you Hans & your families (which, as someone else has already pointed out, of course includes your cats )

love from both of us
Julia & Susan
xxx