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Don’t know what to do

Discussion Board Forums Grief Management Don’t know what to do

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  • #50158
    nur1954
    Member

    Andie – Your Mom is going through her own form of grief. It is so hard, but try not to take anything personally right now. You’re doing your best and that’s all you can do. Maybe when things settle down a little, you can take your Mom out for lunch and have a long chat about the reality of how you have to work and don’t have time for everything and that you’re all doing your best. Go to Florida – – have time for yourself and your family — and try to enjoy. – Hugs – Nancy

    #50157
    missingwayne
    Member

    Andie,

    I’m on the other side, my Wayne went to see Jesus 2-17-2010. You never get over it. What has help me so much I go to counseling once a week. I didn’t go at first because I was working, well last summer I started, I don’t know I would have done without it. I know she gets paid to listen, but that’s OK, she sometimes seems to be my closest friend, in fact she knows more about me than my friends. I can talk to her, on November 21, 2010 my mother also went to see Jesus, two major loses in 9 months, she even came to the funeral home, to give me support, that meant a lot to me.

    #50156
    lalupes
    Participant

    Dearest Andie, I do so feel for you. You are doing all you can do & you can’t do anything more. She’s hurting &, sadly, can’t see how much you’re hurting, too. I have experience of similar reactions – although in different circumstances – & all I could do was do my best to let it wash over me. Sometimes I could, & sometimes I couldn’t.

    No, you don’t now how she feels but she doesn’t know how you feel either. Please try not to feel guilty about having someone at home when she doesn’t. She is so lucky to have such a wonderfully loving daughter &, when she’s ready to let go & grieve, I know you’ll be there for her & I know how lucky she’ll be to have you then, too.

    But YOU need to have time & space to grieve, too. Go to Florida & relax with your husband & son. I hope you have a wonderful time. You need to build up your strength for yourself & your two boys & then you’ll have strength to support your mum again.

    Lots of love
    Julia xxx

    #5098
    andie
    Member

    It has been 10 weeks since my beloved Dad passed away and the last 2 weeks have been really hard. Mom isn’t coping too well emotionally, which is to be expected, but she is taking it out on me and I am now at my wits end. It seems that I am walking on eggshells and at times I dread going to see Mom incase I say something wrong. She seems to want to start an argument all the while. My Nan said she is the same with her too.

    First example, she has a large garden and we have promised her we will help get the garden easier to manage, my Husband works 6 days a week so he has to fit it in around work, but Mom doesn’t seem to have the patience to wait. She has hurt her muscles in her chest lifting heavy stones that my Husband was going to do the weekend, and everytime I go up or phone she is complaining about the garden. On Saturday she asked if I was coming to help and I said I will once I have done my washing and housework (I am back at work now and weekends are hectic catching up and also spending time with my son) to this she replied, “well don’t bother then” I said my husband was still coming up and she said “I can do it”, I admit I bit back and said “oh Mom do what you want” to which she put the phone down on me. She then text later to say she was going out for the day and didn’t want any help of any of us!. She then said I don’t understand how she feels and God forbid I don’t for a long while. All I have done the past 10 weeks is help her out with everything that is possible. I was really upset, I feel like I haven’t had time to grieve myself and each weekend gets worse. My husband went up Moms and let himself in with our spare key. Mom was really happy he’d helped and when I spoke to her acted like nothing had happened. Yesterday we went out for the day to Warwick Castle and I asked Mom to come but she wouldn’t. I understand that she may want to be on her own but at times she says “you have your own little family now” and it’s the tone she says it in that upsets me. I have said she is my family and we would love her to come, we always asked when Dad was alive so it’s not as if we are taking pity on her. Then today she recieved another form to fill in and was getting upset, I told her she doesn’t need to get upset as I always fill them in and don’t mind doing it. She just snapped at me that I don’t know how she feels.

    I know I don’t know how she feels, I can only imagine, I miss Dad so much but I still have company at home. She is having to adjust to living alone but we are all here to help. I know it’s the grief she is feeling and you do take things out on the ones you are closer too but it is all starting to get to me and I don’t know what to do. I feel guilty going on days out with my husband and son but I need this time too, and has I said I always ask Mom to come. We go away in 3 weeks to Florida and I am dreading going.

    Thanks for listening, rant over x

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