Final Stages with Mom, and questions
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Becky – I found my posts from the last few weeks. I hope it helps, even a little.
http://www.cholangiocarcinoma.org/punbb/viewtopic.php?id=6367
Jen
Becky,
I am sorry for what you are going through, and remember the last week of Dad’s life vividly. I felt honoured to be with him during the time and as difficult as it was, I saw and heard things that I will never forget. Dad also hallucinated, picked at the sheets, etc. When he started speaking to people who have passed before him, and telling us that he had been in both worlds (and described it), he was just short of a week from passing away. During the last 5 days he was unable to communicate, but was awake and could most certainly still hear us. Wow… haven’t thought about those days in a while. You can search my posts for it… writing to people who understood what I was going through while it was happening helped me a lot. It would have been in June of this year. Please know that I am thinking of you and your family during this difficult time, and pray for peace.Jen
Becky, sometimes the hallucinations are from the meds. Teddy followed the book exactly right down to picking at the sheets. I need to tell you that if she starts to see beyond and mentions any names, you will then know she is getting very close. Hang in, be strong, sending love to you.
Peggy and Pam,
I am so sorry for your losses. It really opens your eyes when you realize that everyone who posts on this board is a victim, one way or another, of the horrible monster.
I didn’t mention that I do have the book “When the End is Near” from hospice. It has been almost exactly “right on the mark.”
She’s having hallucinations today. She’s had them before, but was dreaming. Now she’s having them while awake. Hospice nurse comes today, and we will discuss what’s going on.
Thank you all again.
Becky,
I lost my Mom to CC on April 3, 2009. If you search my posts under Cherbourg you can read my postings of my mom’s last days and hours. Her passing was mostly peaceful and Hospice was spot on with the timetable. They have a booklet that decribes the journey up to the last moments. Please ask your hospice volunteer for a copy.
These are precious moments. I’m sending hugs and prayers for strength and understanding.
Hugs, We are with you on this next part of the journey….
PamDear Becky,
I lost my dad last November to cancer and I was with him when he passed. I held his hand and talked and prayed all night as he was in a semi-coma. He was suffering and I couldn’t bear to see him like that. I just prayed that God would take him home to be with my mom who had died five months earlier. He died the next morning. Just like Lainy said, it was very peaceful. I will keep you and your mom in my prayers. Sending hugs your way, PeggyP
Lainey,
This was immensely helpful. I honestly and truthfully can’t wait for her to pass over to something better. She’s led a wonderful life, and I will miss her more than I can say, but she is so so sick. Thank you
Becky, there are meds for the nausea. I am so glad you got to have your talks.
All you can do now is just sit with her. Teddy had passed on a Monday night and one of his favorite things in the world was Monday night football. I remember my daughter put it on the TV for him. Even though he was already passing, his actual passage took about 6 hours, we knew he could hear the noise of the game. I want to say to you that at the end it was so awesomely beautiful. There are no words. A couple of minutes after he passed there was a glow about his face and at 78 not one wrinkle showed and the little bags he had always had under his eyes were gone. I relive that moment over and over and then I know that everything I have heard was true right down to his greeting family and friends who had been gone for awhile. My daughter and I felt so priviledged to be a part of what we encountered. I wish for your Mom a peaceful passing and that you are able to see what we did. Prayers are going out to you and be strong.Thank you Lainy and Patty.
You two have said, basically, what hospice has said. I hate that she feels so helpless. We have said our goodbyes and have talked about her wishes.
We are at the stage where she’s not eating. She’s not vomiting a lot, but she’s getting nauseated a lot.
I appreciate the insight. I am so sorry for both of your losses.
Becky.
It is hard to say, it is entirely possible that your mother could rally again and find some reserves of strength for a while. Hospice should also be able to tell you what they think, though they also cannot know for sure how near the end is.
With my mom she started refusing food altogether and though your mom says she is ready if she is still eating something then that is in indicator. Many on the board report severe vomiting at the end. Even when eating stops the body can take some time to stop functioning, I think my mom went some 13 days with no food, though we were giving her water with a sponge.
You have not mentioned if you have spoken to your mom about her wishes but if you have not then now is the time to do so, as she is lucid and able to communicate.
You will need every piece of strength you have to get through this so remember to take care of yourself as well.
Patty
Hello Dear Becky. There will be good days then bad days. Hospice has a wonderful booklet on what to expect/when and it’s pretty true to form. Teddy became more and more tired, eating less and less, sleeping more and more.
One suggestion, ask Hospice for oxygen. The oxygen relaxes the patient therefore helping with the pain/discomfort a little. Teddy had a hospital bed and oxygen and I had him pretty comfortable. I told our visitors that I redecoratged the living room in early hospital! Becky, the fact that your Mom told you what she did today about being at Peace and ready to go? Please tell her its OK for her to go to her Peace and that you are all going to be OK. Keep telling her you love her and that its all OK even if you don’t think she hears you anymore….she does hear. I am sending prayers for your Mom and for your strength.I have been looking around the board for someone who is where my mom is right now, or has been there. I’ll go ahead and write about her, and then ask my questions. Thank you all in advance.
My mom was diagnosed in July 2011 with Stage IV CC. She tried one round of chemo, and didn’t tolerate it, and so in August, she went into home hospice care. In the beginning, she felt bad, but was still walking and talking and taking mostly just Vicodin for her pain. She wouldn’t take a lot, because she just didn’t want to overdose. From August until October, her health declined, but she was still strong enough to live by herself, and take care of her personal needs. I would come every weekend (we live about 30 minutes away) and do her shopping and light housekeeping. Toward the end of October, she was getting weak. In the last week of October, I had been sick, and at her suggestion, skipped that weekend visit. She said she was tired and sick anyway, so I figured I’d check on her during the week, and then go visit on November 5th. On Friday November 4th (my daughter’s 12 the birthday), Mom’s hospice nurse called me from work, and said that Mom as asking for me, and that the nurse needed me to spend the weekend (and probably longer) with Mom. When I got to Mom’s house, she was worse that I’d ever seen her. She was always (since diagnosis) yellow and thin (she weighs 120-130 lbs healthy). All of a sudden, she was weak, and frail, and was vomiting every few minutes. The nurse left, and it was Mom and me all weekend. I kept alternating between Phenergan, Vicodin and Morphine, getting her pain under control, and allowing her to sleep. By Monday, she was up and moving. By Wednesday, she was walking to the restroom without her walker and feeling really really strong. My aunt and sister flew in this past weekend, because even though Mom was stronger, she wasn’t going to last very much longer. She did really good at being “herself” for the kids, but she’s very tired and sore today. She hasn’t eaten a full meal in a month, and usually eats one or two tablespoons of food each day. To be honest, she looks like a concentration camp victim. She is literally starving to death.
So now that you are up-to-date, here are my questions:
I’d like to know about your loved one’s final few weeks. I can’t seem to find this anywhere, and I’d like to know if that’s what we’re going through. I understand that everyone is different, but I’d love to be able to share and/or compare with those of you who have been there or are where I am.
She told me today that she’s ready to go, and is at peace with everything.Thanks, friends!
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