July 1, 2009 at 11:02 am #29507daniellemargSpectator
Thank you so much for your kind words. It is truly comforting, in a horrible way, to know that others know what I am going through. I am sitting alone in our kitchen in our home in the middle of nowhere (northern Queensland on a little island). We had gone to the USA with the hope of a liver transplant and he was listed but then fell ill quite quickly. Five months ago we were a normal married couple on a permanent honeymoon. People always commented on how in love we were. we had a perfect life and were so darn happy it was frankly quite nauseating to people.
Now, a week after the funeral, i am trying to live but find that i can’t even do the simplest tasks. i am lost, alone, heartbroken. My beautiful stepdaughters have just left to go back to school so it’s so quiet here, just me and my husband’s ashes. i feel like am going crazy with my grief, losing my mind (i am usually very normal and smart/together/pillar of strength but now i am a complete mess, a train wreck). have any of you gone through this?
danielleJune 30, 2009 at 10:24 pm #29506angela-lempkaSpectator
Im so sorry for your loss.June 30, 2009 at 10:45 am #29504moonSpectator
i am so sorry for your loss,we wil pray for you and your girl.
moonJune 30, 2009 at 9:52 am #29503
I know exactly what you mean. We were the same. I also find myself so often thinking “I have to tell Jim” about this or that or I wonder what he will think of something. You no longer have him there to share those things with or talk things over with. It has been almost 10 months for me & it is still hard. I have good days & bad but it is what it is. I try to keep myself busy as much as possible, as when I don’t is when it is the hardest. Take care & know that I am thinking of you.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaJune 30, 2009 at 2:33 am #29502pameritaSpectator
Dear Lainy and Darla,
Thank you for responding with such kind words. You know, I was used to my husband mentally “stroking” me when I felt down and//or had a bad day and I did the same for him, so these bad days require deep soul searching to help me bring myself out of the lows. I hate to sound so bummed but it’s just how things are now. It will get better, I know, but it’s a hard journey. I draw strength from you guys so keep on posting!!!
PameritaJune 29, 2009 at 2:34 am #29501
Thank you for your kind thoughts. I am so sorry to hear that you too have lost your husband to this horrible disease. I am glad you have found this site & hope you will continue to keep in touch. We are all here to help & support each other. I will keep you in my thoughts & prayers along with everyone else dealing with this awful disease.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaJune 29, 2009 at 1:22 am #29500lainySpectator
Welcome Pamela to the most elite little club in the world that no one wishes to join. We are so sorry to hear of your loss and we all know what a horrific journey you have been on. You WILL go on because anyone who has the courage to go through what we do, will one day get the strength to carry on. I feel when you are ready he will guide you through the return. He will never be that far from you as he will always be in your heart and mind. Please don’t hesitate to post us how you are doing.June 29, 2009 at 12:30 am #29499pameritaSpectator
Hey Danielle and Darla,
I am so sorry for your loss, both of you. I also just lost my husband to this disease and just wonder all of the time how I can go on and what I’m supposed to do with myself. But Darla said it best when she mentioned that our husbands would want us to go on and not be so unhappy. I’m going to try to think about that message and see if it will help.
I will keep you all in my prayers.
PamelaJune 25, 2009 at 10:56 am #29497
I know that no words can change how you are feeling or what you are going through. I have been there & still am at times. There are days that are better & many that are not. These are still very early times for you. I don’t really think it will ever be the same, but I do think that with time we learn to live with the pain & loss and try to go on. I too do not see how I can have a life or future that does not include my husband, but I know that our husbands would want us to be strong and to live the rest of our lives to the fullest and hopefully even to be able to smile & be happy again some day. I just am not sure yet how to accomplish that. This site & the support of the people on it have been invaluable to me, so keep coming back. We are all here for each other.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaJune 25, 2009 at 10:23 am #29496daniellemargSpectator
Thank you for your kind words. I am an absolute mess. No idea how I shall live without him nor am I am interested in a life which does not include my beautiful man. No words.
I pray that all of you fare much better and continue your fight against this horrrible disease.
DanielleJune 23, 2009 at 8:53 am #29495hughesdewyMember
To dear Danielle,
I’m so very sad and sorry to learn that you have lost your darling soul-mate Jim. What a brave battle you have both fought, and to me it sounds like you couldn’t have done anything more to help him – but you must be so completely heartbroken. Sending you my deepest sympathy and my thoughts will be with you over the difficult days ahead. I hope you are able to find some peace and comfort in friends and family, and in remembering happier times together.
WendyJune 19, 2009 at 1:24 am #29494tessMember
Dear Danielle, it broke my heart to read your post, and my heart goes out to you – at this very difficult time.
You’re in my prayers.
TessJune 17, 2009 at 4:02 am #29493roma35Member
I agree with Joyce that there are no words that can comfort you, but hopefully you can eventually gain some comfort in knowing you are not alone. I can tell you in my case, after almost 2 months of losing my father to this dreadful disease I cry everyday, I think of him all the time, and I just plain old miss him physically in my life, however, I am at peace and actually relieved that he is in a better place and no longer suffering. I prayed for God to take him, and I have no regrets in that. For me, knowing the suffering is over and he died with all his loved ones surrounding him, and showing him how much we love him and always will, gives me peace. Hopefully you will feel he same one day. This grief is a process without any shortcuts, but we are all here for you to lend an ear and definitely our hearts. I am truly so sorry for your loss.
Peace and lots of Prayer for you and your family,
BarbaraJune 17, 2009 at 3:32 am #29492jmoneypennyMember
Dear Danielle and children and family and loved ones,
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I wish there was a way to make things better, I wish there were words to comfort you, but right now there is probably nothing that can do that. Please feel free to come here when you are ready, and we will support you in your time of grief. A great soul has left the earth once again.
Joyce MJune 16, 2009 at 10:36 am #29491jcleggMember
I am so sorry to hear of Jim’s passing. As you go through these next days and months, try to keep in mind that Jim is in a far better place now, where there is no pain and suffering. Remember all the good times, and I am sure there were many, and always look toward the light. May God grant you strength and peace.
Love – Joyce C.
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