Having a hard time

Michele,

I can’t really give you advice on what to do. All I can say is I hear my own feelings echoing so many things that you have said. My wife is unresectable, we have two boys and I can’t imagine life without her. Even though I can’t provide advice, I can say you are not alone.

I am hoping for the best,

Jason

Michele –
So sorry that things are going the way they are for you. I have people ask me how I can be so strong going through what I have and I tell them because I don’t have a choice. I had to put one foot in front of the other and do what needed to be strong. They say God doesn’t give you more than you can handle but sometimes I think He overestimates how much we can take. The thing is though…..you DON’T always have to stay strong. You CAN break down and cry and rail at how unfair all of this it. I would bet that we all have at one point. I was having some pretty good (bad really) panic attacks when I went to my doc. He gave me an anti-depressant to take the edge off which has helped. I also have a counselor that I go to weekly. It helps to vent to someone. I also try to get a massage once a month.

As for your husband and his pain….there are other options out there. The first thing to do is make sure that you are keeping track of exactly how much pain med you are giving him. Hospice can use this as a guide to start a longer acting med. Morphine can be given a long-acting form called MS Contin and normally it is an oral medication but….it can be given rectally (not the favorite route but it works). The other thing with these is that if taken orally they do not breakdown in the stomach but slowly through the whole digestive tract so lead to less nausea. Also if you husband has a port ask to have it accessed and to be given IV pain medications. If he does not have a port then ask to have a PICC line placed for IV pain meds. They can not only give IV pain meds but IV anti-nausea meds.

Hope things work out for you.

KrisV

Milena,

What a wonderful post. I am sure most of us can relate and feel much the same, but you have been able to express it so beautifully. Thank for that.

Love & Hugs,
Darla

Dear Michele,

I agree with everything that has already been said and just want you to know that as hard as it is to believe right now, you will be OK. You will get through this. Just take things one day at a time or even one minute at a time when necessary. None of us wanted to be in this situation, but we had no choice. Being able to talk to and relate to people who truly understand is what will get you through this and the wonderful people on the site are the ones that can help you with that, so please keep posting and letting us know how things are going and how you are doing.

My favorite saying is that you never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have. You are stronger than you think you are and you will make it. With a little help from your CC friends.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Love & Hugs,
Darla

Michele…my heart goes out to you in this so very difficult time. Mourning before someone we love will leave us is a process called anticipatory grief. It refers to the process of mourning the past, present and future loss. And, you dear Michele, are right in the midst of it. It helped me to talk to those listening to me. Our special group is able to relate and has shown remarkable strength in helping those touched by a process they themselves have gone through. Outside counseling is another or additional route to take. The focus is on letting it all out and to have someone listen to you. Have you thought of asking the physician for something to take the edge off?
Like you I struggled with being strong for my children, strong for my husband and struggling with accepting the fact that I will survive the future. It came in waves – strong vs. utter despair. Michelle, you are superwoman with all that you confronted with. No one can handle this alone. You appear to be close to exhaustion not only emotionally, but physically as well. Please reach out. Please ask for help and let others pitch in. Some of the smallest task can become mountains when confronted with a situation such as yours. Your kids did not connect with the hospice personnel, but there are other options. Is it possible for you to find a grief counselor focusing on young adults in difficult situations such as this? The school counselor may also provide support for the kids. Or, ask the school counselor for recommendations to such a person. Please continue to reach out to this board as well. I wish I had a magic answer, but I know that you will make it, dear Michele, but you need to get help. Please continue to post with us. We are in this together and we are here to help support you in any way possible.
Hugs and love,
Marion