November 23, 2009 at 11:40 pm #33254lainySpectator
Dear Gavin, we are so very sorry to hear your dad has reached this point. Unfortunately it sounds like you are the decision maker. Honestly, I don’t think at this point I could handle Teddy at home and don’t think your mum is up to it either. I think, if you could see her taking care of dad, then ok, if not then it could be way too much for her to take any part in it. By the same token I would not opt to stay home as well if it was me. I just would not put that on someone else. But that is me. I will tell you like I tell my kids…make a list of pros and cons and you will get help your decision. I do know that you are the most wonderful son in the world!November 23, 2009 at 11:16 pm #33253darlaSpectator
I can’t be of much help on hospice care as my husband passed away the day we planned to take him home with hospice care. I am also thinking that it may be handled differently in Scotland than it is here in the states. However, I think you are right that it needs to be discussed and checked into. Hopefully your Mum will come around and see that these issues need to be addressed.
I’m hoping some of the others will have some answers and help for you. Good luck to you as you travel on this journey and try to also take care of yourself.
DarlaNovember 23, 2009 at 10:20 pm #33252walkMember
We went through this also. Ultimately, my dad stayed at home with the help of Hospice. We also hired in home certified nursing assistants to help with eating, bathing, toileting. They will also do light housekeeping and cooking. The cost on this was about $15- $20 per hour US and depending on whether it was nights, weekends, holidays. I suggest going through an agency. It may cost more, but at least if you have a no-show, the agency will get you someone else. You can negotiate the rates as your parents need more help. They will discount for 24/7 care.
Hospice furnished all the equipment needs (hospital bed, portable potty, bed pan, urinal, oxygen tanks–any and everything).
As your father loses mobility, it becomes increasingly more difficult. My dad was pretty mobile until the last week or two so thankfully, it wasn’t a long time, but it was the most difficult when he was transitioning to bedridden.
Good luck! I can’t say enough nice things about Hospice and the quality of their service. Please feel free to ask questions if you like. I am sort of in a hurry at the moment, but will be happy to answer anything.
JanNovember 23, 2009 at 9:50 pm #2938gavinModerator
I think it is getting to the point where hospice care of some sort may be required for my dad and we are going to have to discuss the options for future care soon. I know my dad would much rather stay at home and has said previously that that is what he wants. And I want him to do whatever he feels is best for him. But today on the way home from the docs, he asked me what I thought he should do and he is looking to me for advice and guidance on this.
My mums health is not good and dad is worried about care at home and how this will affect my mum. I can’t be there with them 24 hours a day, they just don’t have the space but I only live about 5 minutes from then in the car so can be there pretty quickly if need be. What I said to dad is that maybe he should think more about himself right now and not worry so much about us, but I totally understand his thinking here. The 3 of us haven’t really talked about this yet, mum doesn’t want to have that discussion properly but it needs to be discussed soon. I tried to bring up the subject today and told her what dad said today, but she refused to discuss it.
I know that dad is going to further look to me for help with this issue, so I’m thinking that he should stay at home for as long as is possible and then if need be enter the hospice when ever that may be. Anyone have any thoughts or advice on this?
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