Discussion Board Forums General Discussion I am so lost without her

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  • #46664
    nk
    Participant

    I lost my soulmate dec 2009, & it is very hard.
    But slowly Time heals us.
    Please take care of yourself.
    nk

    #46663
    nur1954
    Participant

    Codergirl – Wow! Who could expect you to go back to work so soon??? Everyone needs a few days for themselves after experiencing such a loss, in addition to being caregiver for so long. It is mentally and physically exhausting. Ditto on all the advice above. Take care of yourself and come here to ramble and vent whenever……that’s what we do on this website! Hugs – Nancy

    #46662
    slittle1127
    Member

    Dear Codergirl – My heart goes out to you at this time of pain and loss. Who even wants to go back to work and try to resume normal. Use Lainy “new normal” which, for now, is not as happy and doesn’t hold as much promise for the future, but it will. You have a life ahead of you and after a period of grieving (which you need), you will once again find the joys in small things and big things. I would encourage you to find a grief support group where others who are experiencing loss share their feelings and you can share yours. Not that you really want to go to this group, but being with others who “know” your pain is really helpful. Keep posting. Know that you carry mom in your heart. Know that we care. Blessings, Susan

    #46661
    cherbourg
    Participant

    Codergirl,

    I lost my Mom April 3, 2009 so it’s almost two years. I still miss her so much every day. It’s not as raw as in the beginning but it’s still so very hard.

    I was sorting through a box of her things that I kept after cleaning out her closet. When I opened it and was blindsided by the scent of her perfume I burst into tears.

    I was paging through her first “real” bible given to her on her 13th birthday and a note paper fell out of it. It was the first draft of her obituary written by her very early apparently in the disease process. Needless to say I was a total mess yesterday.

    What I’m trying to say is that grief is a process. There is NO timetable, NO correct way to grieve and no two people will grieve in the same way. Grief is a process and it will be the hardest job you will ever do. NORMAL IN MY OPINION IS JUST A SETTING ON THE DRYER……

    You are an amazing daughter and a wonderful legacy your Mom leaves behind. Be kind to yourself and take it 5 minutes at a time. Cry when you need to and come here often….believe me …..we understand.

    I’m sending hugs, prayers for strength and love,

    Pam

    #46660
    pam
    Participant

    Everyone who has posted has given you excellent advice and support. I’m there with them. I lost my mom two years ago and my dad in November to cc. It is tough to think they are both gone. My sister and i were his care givers and it was very intense. I’ve been taking one day at a time and doing simple things that make me happy and make my family happy. Like Lainy posted, if you still find yourself so sad and unable to manage, grief counseling is appropriate. We could all use a little help from time to time. Your Mom would be proud you’re so
    strong. Best wishes coming out to you.

    #46659
    darla
    Participant

    Dear Codergirl,

    I agree with all of the above and would like to add that when my husband passed away, it took me about a week and a half of procrastinanting before I was able to go back to a somewhat regular routine. At that point I just decided I could do one of two things. Continue on doing nothing and feeling sorry for myself or push myself and try to regain some semblance of a “normal” life. The longer I put it off the harder it would be to do. I kept repeating the phrase to “act as if”. I still take things one day at a time and some days are still harder than others. I don’t think these feelings every really go away, but we learn how to live with them and try to go on. The key is to keep busy and try to find a way to fill the hugh void that has been left. It isn’t easy, but it does happen. Take the time you need to grieve and begin to heal and know that we are all here to help and support you. In time you will find you are stronger than you ever thought you could be.

    Love & Hugs,
    Darla

    #46658
    sara
    Member

    Codergirl,

    I have never lost a parent, but I did lose a sibling when I was 17. I wish I had good advice for you, but the reality is that it’s hard, and only time will make the mundane tasks seem more bearable. You already said it – take one day at a time. Allow yourself time to grieve throughout the day. Recognize that you won’t be as productive in the coming days/months, and don’t beat yourself up over it. After my sister died, we found it helpful to spend all important dates and holidays on vacation. It’s not always practical, but if you can get away from your normal routine on big holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, etc, it may also be helpful for you. (particularly in this first year)

    Above all else, don’t ever hesitate to lean on those who love you. There is a community of people on this board that are here to listen to any ramblings you need to get off your chest. I imagine you also have a strong support system in your life that are desperate to help you out. Give them a call and ask for help when you are feeling lost. No doubt they will be extremely happy to be able to support you.

    Big hugs,

    Sara

    #46657
    nancy246
    Participant

    Dear Codergirl, I feel for you. I lost my dad when I was 18 and then my mom when I was 41. There is not a day that goes by that they are not in my thoughts, which proves to me that they never really leave. I remember how hard it is to return to a “normal life”. You feel guilty when you feel good and guilty when you feel bad. Be free with your emotions. I hope you have someone close you can talk to and of course there are all the good people on this site who understand so well – too well. You are such a good daughter, your mom is looking down and smiling – she knows she did a good job. Take care of yourself.

    Nancy

    #46656
    lainy
    Participant

    Dear Codergirl. A day to yourself is good. You will return about your daily activities as life is for the living and surely your Mom would not want to see you so devastated. In time you will know that she is with you and all around you as Mother’s never really leave their children. I don’t want to do much but I push myself as I know that is the right thing to do. You might want to consider some grief counseling. I have thought of that also. This is so new to you and I think part of what we feel is that after so long of taking care of someone we are now not needed by our loved one. I am happier that Teddy is now in a place of peace. Give yourself some time, you can do it, we all have to do it. I am sure your Mom is already so very proud of you. Remember that to keep Mom in your heart is not to let her die. She will always be with you.

    #4601
    codergirl
    Participant

    I know that this will be a rambling message but just need to air out some of these feelings. Moms service was Friday and it was awesome.She would be proud. But now it is Sunday night and i need to return to work tomorrow. The last four months have been… I cannot even find a word to discribe it. Now i am suppost to return to my life like that and I see no way to return to it.. I miss Mom so much and i do not know what to do. I was going to work for a few hours then going to moms staying all night not sleeping then going to work over and over now she is not here for me to take care of and i can not find a way to care for myself so I called work tonight and said I need a day for me and i will return to work on Tuesday how do we go on from here? One Day at a time I guess..Thanks to all of my CC family.

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