January 13, 2012 at 2:27 am #56380amyleaParticipant
ANP, I am so very sorry for your loss. My mom passed away September 2009. She was my best friend. It is hard to lose a parent and a dear friend . I understand EXACTLY what you mean about it being difficult to get the images out of your head. I replayed her last few days over and over in my head for a while. Please know that it does get better. Those memories are almost completely gone, I can now think of so many good times we shared. Sure, I miss her every day, but the pain does get better.
Please know we are here for you.
AmyJanuary 12, 2012 at 1:37 am #56379anpParticipant
Thank you for the many kind words and support. Each response has touched my heart. Lainy, the poem was so very fitting and beautiful. Marion, you found the perfect words…grief is the price we pay for love. I will never forget that. And to those who share in the heartache of those terrible images of pain and suffering, I thank you for the encouragement that it will fade away. I have found myself remembering more of the good times lately. It is all still fresh in my mind, but I am able to think a little more of all the fun we had together. But of course, then I am saddened even more missing those times. My oldest daughter has really handled things well and keeps me focused in the right direction. She is only 5, but while praying before breakfast, she began to cry. She told me she missed him, but then she said, “But mommy, I’m happy too because I know he is all better now.”
Margaret, I am definitly going to take the suggestions given and make sure that he is talked about often and that we always have special pictures and videos on hand to look at often. I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. My youngest daughter is 2 1/2 also. That is so hard. But what a wonderful gift that your grandson was able to see. Thank you for your encouragement.
Each kind word has meant so much. Thank you all.January 10, 2012 at 2:13 pm #56378cherbourgParticipant
What a beautiful tribute to an amazing man! There is a very special bond between Daddies and their daughters and it sounds as if you had one of the best!
Grieving is the hardest job you will ever tackle. There is no right or wrong way and no two people grieve in the same way. There is no timetable but you will get through this. This is a time where you just take things one step at a time.
I think Marian said it best….Grief is the price we pay for love.
We are all still here for you. Come often. I lost my Mom April 3, 2009. You never forget but the good memories gradually come to the forefront. I think this is part of the grief process. I can still be unhinged smelling my Mom’s perfume on someone while shopping. I still miss her more than words can say but I’m rmembering more and more of the good memories and times.
I’m sending hugs and prayers for strength to you and your family.
PamJanuary 10, 2012 at 4:04 am #56377mlepp0416Participant
So sorry to hear about the loss of you beloved Father. The only thing worse in my mind is loosing your spouse. I lost my father when I was in my twenties. I lost my mother years later and was with both of them when they passed. Gradually the memories and details of a parents dying minutes will fade away and you the happy memories with take over. You can keep your children’s Grandfather alive in their minds and hearts – it is only when you stop speaking about your dad and stop remembering him that he is really gone.
I just lost my husband to CC on 11/20/2011 and was with him when he passed. I felt panic because I did not want him to leave and I talked to him and told him it was OK, that I would be OK and he needed to go to his eternal rest with Jesus. As he took his last breath, I held him in my arms and told him that I loved him. My eldest daughter and my youngest daughter were both with me. His two children did not want to be there.
I still have images of his passing, and part of it bothers me a lot, but knowing that his quality of life was not anywhere near where he wanted it, that he is no longer suffering, no pain, no chemo, no radiation, no tubes, needles, blood work, no doctors poking and prodding…that he is finally at peace erases those images and instead I have pictures of him that I have on my desk and I spend a lot of time in his recliner, remembering him in happier times.
We have a 2 1/2 year old grandson who was named after his Papa. Thomas. About 10 minutes after Tom passed, my daughter was getting him down for bed, and she took him into the room where Tom was and had lil Tom give Papa a goodnight kiss. Then she stepped back and lil Tommy looked up at the ceiling and got a great big smile and said “Papa” then raised his little hand and waved and said “Buh bye Papa”.
My daughter feels very said that lil Tommy will not ‘know’ Papa and feels he is too young to remember him. I gave her some pictures of Papa and every night as they say his prayers, they ask Jesus to keep Papa safe and give Papa Kisses. She places Papa picture on his bedside chair and if his mama forgets he says “Kizz Papa”? We talk about Papa to him and with pictures (we have tons of pics with both Tom’s) we will keep Papa’s memory alive for Lil Tommy.
You can do the same for your children. Keep their Grandfather’s pictures where they can see him, talk about him, tell them stories of their Grandfather from when you were a child, how he interacted with them when they were born, etc.
Make them each a memory book filled with pictures of them with their grandfather! There are so many ways you can keep their grandfather alive in their minds and hearts.
I feel your pain and trust me, you will have good days and bad days, and sometimes it’s the smallest thing that will have you crying! Don’t be afraid to talk about your feeling of loss. Go seek a grief counselor if necessary.
Hugs coming your way from Wisconsin.
MargaretJanuary 10, 2012 at 2:46 am #56376darlaParticipant
You and your family have my deepest sympathy and understanding. Try to remember all the good things and that he is no longer suffering. He will always be with you in your heart and memories.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaJanuary 9, 2012 at 10:42 pm #56375pamParticipant
Dear ANP, thoughts and prayers for you and your family during this sad time. Your dad is at peace now and has no more pain. I lost my dad to cc a little over a year ago and I still have sad times. Know that you did everything you could and he was knew you were with him the whole time. Take care of yourself in the upcoming days. PamJanuary 9, 2012 at 9:38 pm #56374andieParticipant
Please accept my deepest sympathy at this heartbreaking time.
The words you wrote about getting the images of your Dads last hours out of your head really stuck a chord with me, as this is how I felt after watching my precious Dad pass away. It will be a year February 19th for my Dad and those images have become less and less. I am remembering my happy, healthy, smiley Dad more and more each day.
Please take care of yourself.
Love to you and your family
Andrea xJanuary 9, 2012 at 8:38 pm #56373pamelaParticipant
I am so sorry to hear of your Dad’s passing. He seemed like a special man. I understand the bond you had with your father. My Lauren has that same special bond with her Dad. They were both born on the same day, March 6. Mark always says she was the best present he has ever received. I know your Dad will be watching over you and your little girls from heaven. That’s what great Dad’s do, watch over their children. Your Dad sounds like he was one of the best. Take care and I hope your pain eases each day.
Love, -PamJanuary 9, 2012 at 7:34 pm #56372lainyParticipant
Dearest ANP, I am truly sorry for your Father’s passing. But you know he is at peace and will never really leave you or your family. He will be all around you and his Grandchildren. I went through the same type of end with Teddy and honestly the pain of what you saw will fade with time and you will only remember the way he looked when he went to his Peace. Teddy had that same look. So beautiful that his face was totally clear of wrinkles and the little bags he always had under his eyes. It is all just unexplainable.
Letter from Heaven by Ruth Ann Mahaffey
To my dearest family some things I’d like to say
But first of all to let you know that I arrived okay,
I’m writing this from Heaven. Here I shall dwell with God above
Here, there’s no more tears of sadness. Here is just eternal love.
Please do not be unhappy because I’m out of sight
Remember that I am with you every morning, noon and night.
That day I had to leave you when my life on earth was through
God picked me up and hugged me and He said “I welcome you,
It’s good to have you back again,
you were missed while you were gone,
As for your dearest family, they’ll be here later on.
God gave me a list of things that he wished for me to do
And foremost on the list was to watch and care for you
And when you lie in bed at night, the days chores put to flight
God and I are closest to you . . in the middle of the night.
When you think of my life on earth and all those loving years
Because you are only human, they are bound to bring you tears
But do not be afraid to cry, it does relieve the pain
Remember there would be no flowers, unless there was some rain.
One thing is for certain though my life on earth is o’er
I’m closer to you now than I ever was before.
There are many rocky roads ahead of you and many hills to climb
Together we can do it by taking one day at a time.
When you’re walking down the street and you’ve got me on your mind
I’m walking in your footsteps, only half a step behind
And when it’s time for you to go . . from that body to be free
Remember you’re not going . . you’re just coming here to me.January 9, 2012 at 7:13 pm #56371gavinModerator
I am so very sorry indeed to hear of the passing of your Dad. Please accept my sincere condolences. My thoughts are with you and your family right now.
GavinJanuary 9, 2012 at 6:22 pm #56370marionsModerator
anp…my most sincere condolences to you and your family. Your Dad was an exceptional man and has left his legacy with those who touched his life. What a fortunate family you are. And, how fortunate we are for having known him through your eyes.
Grief is the price we pay for love. May your heart begin to heal…one day at a time.
All my love,
MarionJanuary 9, 2012 at 5:43 pm #6169anpParticipant
My dad lost his battle last Tuesday, January 3rd at 9am. My mother, my husband and I were by his side. As many of you may remember from my other posts, he has had a roller coaster battle. He defied what most doctors said, and did not “follow the rules” as to the way most people progress with this disease. But, that was how he lived his life. He was a very unique person. He was full of life and loved to laugh and make others laugh. You couldn’t help but to love him. He was a fantastic artist. I am so very thankful that the last work he did was a beautiful pencil drawing of my two girls. What a wonderful legacy he has left to them. He and I were always very close. He would take me out to lunch once a week after I got married just to spend time with me. He was a wonderful father. I miss him so much. The hardest part is trying to get the images out of my head that were his last few hours. He was completely coherent all the way to the end. He had to get into a hospital bed on Friday (4 days before) only because he could no longer get up and out of his chair. From that point on, he declined rapidly. He began to get very restless. His heart rate increased dramamtically. Then he couldn’t swallow his medicine. We saw the signs of mottling. Jaundice set in. Lastly, his lungs filled with fluid. I must say it was a terrible thing to watch and not be able to do anything about. We tried every medicine available to us, but it didn’t help. He tried to talk to us but couldn’t. But he knew we were there and how much we loved him. In the last few minutes, a peace came over him. That was such a relief to us. I think he just fought all the way to the end to stay for my 2 little girls. He loved them so. While my heart hurts and is full of grief, I rest in knowing that he is no longer in pain and is in Heaven with our Savior. As my daughter said, “He is dancing and playing now.” I will always have questions as to why my kids will have to grow up without their grandfather who loved them more than anything in this world. But I know all things have a reason and a purpose, and all things are for the glory of God. Dad’s service was not typical. It was perfect for him. The message came from Genesis 1 and told how God was in the business of artistry when He created the Earth. My dad is with the Master artist now.
Thank you all for the words of encouragement and help you have given along the way. This has been the hardest thing I have ever had to go through, and I will be forever grateful to this site and the amazing people here.
Sorry this was such a long post.
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