Missing Mom

Kim, Kim, Kim, I needed that so badly today. I am printing it out as I have never heard the words expressed so eloquently. Thank-you so very much!

Kim,

The poem is beautiful. I’ve never seen it and it is perfect. Thank you so much for posting this!

Pam

I wanted to re-post this poem that someone posted here awhile back. I love it, it really spoke to me.

From a book of blessings called “Benedictus” by John O’Donohue – Irish Poet & Philosopher

When you lose someone you love,
Your life becomes strange,
The ground beneath you becomes fragile,
Your thoughts make your eyes unsure;
And some dead echo drags your voice down
Where words have no confidence
Your heart has grown heavy with loss;
And though this loss has wounded others too,
No one knows what has been taken from you
When the silence of absence deepens.

Flickers of guilt kindle regret
For all that was left unsaid or undone.

There are days when you wake up happy;
Again inside the fullness of life,
Until the moment breaks
And you are thrown back
Onto the black tide of loss.
Days when you have your heart back,
You are able to function well
Until in the middle of work or encounter,
Suddenly with no warning,
You are ambushed by grief.

It becomes hard to trust yourself.
All you can depend on now is that
Sorrow will remain faithful to itself.
More than you, it knows its way
And will find the right time
To pull and pull the rope of grief
Until that coiled hill of tears
Has reduced to its last drop.

Gradually, you will learn acquaintance
With the invisible form of your departed;
And when the work of grief is done,
The wound of loss will heal
And you will have learned
To wean your eyes
From that gap in the air
And be able to enter the hearth
In your soul where your loved one
Has awaited your return
All the time.

Dear Codergirl, I lost my mother to a different type of cancer which was just as devastating as CC. There were so many times that I would go to pick up the phone to call her and have the sudden realization that she wouldn’t be there to answer. I do talk to her even four years later and find that to be healing. It was funny, several months before I was diagnosed with CC I kept having this premonition that I would be dead within a year. That is not at all like me to feel this way but one night I dreamed that both of my parents came to me and told me that I would be all right and they would be there to walk beside me. That was in August of 2009 and I was diagnosed in January of 2010. Somehow they do walk with me through this disease and I feel no fear as I know that God is with them as he will be with me as the disease progresses.

Dear Codergirl, you had it just right when you said 5 minutes at a time.
Everything to me feels more raw than it did before with Teddy gone only a month. Even though I primed myself to expect all the things that are happening it is more unreal now than before. That is not to say I am not doing my best and most of the time I am OK, but some of the time I still get that feeling like I am not going to breathe and I just let loose. Yesterday I found myself thinking, ‘he will be home soon’. That was weird. I don’t feel he has been around me this last week and oddly that bothers me and makes me feel more lonely. I really think you will start feeling your mom around you, you had too close a bond not to feel her watching over you. I also like what the other ladies said! And don’t forget it’s only been a week.

I too agree with everything that Pam has said. It is hard when everyone else just goes on with their lives and you are left feeling alone, and helpless. You don’t “just get over it”! I guess for those who haven’t been there they will never understand. Keep coming back here as we do understand. It isn’t easy and sometimes you may even have to take things moment by moment, but you will be OK. Your life will never be as it was before, but you will get by.

I like Nancy’s suggestion to visualize a stop sign. I will have to try that.

Love & Hugs,
Darla

Ditto on everything Pam said. The other trick given to my by a friend: when I am feeling really overwhelmed, I close my eyes and visualize a Stop Sign. Yes, I know this sounds weird, but it distracts your mind enough for a few minutes to help you get through. It really works for me. I still have to use it almost on a daily basis when my emotions can’t remain under control. – Nancy