April 8, 2011 at 1:56 am #47178kkliewerParticipant
Melanie, i am new to this site, but am so movedby yourpostngs. it is as if you were reading my mind. My husband also passed very suddenly three weeks ago and I have been in a fog! Can’t remember what I did yesterday. I amjust glad that I have our children to keep him alive. I am praying for you.April 1, 2011 at 7:43 pm #47177melanie71Participant
Hi Ellen, thank you and welcome to the board. I didn’t mean to discourage you when I spoke of my husband. Everyone is so different and there is always hope. Barry had a huge disadvantage from the start because he had such a large tumor and it was located so close to the heart. Had it not been for that, perhaps we would’ve had a much different outcome, definitely a longer timeframe, so there may be something more they can do for your dad that they couldn’t for my husband.
It’s been a little over three weeks now. Our kids keep me going and my family has also been great about helping to keep me busy. I signed up today for Relay For Life – it felt good to know I’ll be a part of something that could help others like my husband.
Thanks everyone and God bless,
MelanieMarch 25, 2011 at 11:44 am #47176kathyMember
Melanie I am so sorry to hear of the passing of your husband,Words cannot convey your sorrow. I will pray for you and your children,God Bless. KathyMarch 25, 2011 at 3:08 am #47175
Thanks, Ellen. Know that you are going to one of the very best at MD Anderson.
Please do keep us posted.March 25, 2011 at 1:12 am #47174jathy1125Participant
Dear Ellen, like everyone has said “welcome and sorry you had to find us”. I always introduce myself as a CC survivor, because I am one of the few but we are out there. There is hope . I was diagnosed July 2008 with inoperable. My miracle started by being put in the hands of Dr. William Chapman (google him) at Barnes-Jewish St. Louis, MO. He told me my only hope was a transplant. I ended up having 2 transplants.
MD Anderson is one of the leading cc sites, so you have HOPE.
You can read my story at thetelegraph.com under christmas miracle.
Keep posting there is lots of love to be had here.
Lots of prayers-CathyMarch 24, 2011 at 9:28 pm #47173elephantmaskMember
Thanks. I’ll try to figure out how to repost as a new member. I’m new at this. Dad was diagnosed with Cholangiocarcinoma affecting 2/3 of his liver. He has spots on his lungs and cancer has also shown up in his shoulder. He is going in to MD Anderson for biopsies next week so we should know more by then. They have already told him that it is inoperable and incurable. The method of treatment has not been suggested yet.
EllenMarch 24, 2011 at 8:52 pm #47172
Dear Ellen, welcome to our wonderful family but so sorry you had to join us.
I am so sorry to hear about your dad. Congratulations on taking the plunge here, can you tell us a little more? What was his diagnosis and where is he being treated. The best we can all do is take it one day at a time and try to be realistically optimistic. You never know how much good knowledge you will gain here with our caring and loving members. I would suggest that you repost as a new member so that you won’t get lost on this other thread. Looking forward to hearing more about your dad.March 24, 2011 at 8:42 pm #47171elephantmaskMember
I was drawn to your posting. This is my first day on this website. My dad was diagnosed with CC just 3 weeks ago. It is inoperable and the doctors are trying to decide on the order of treatment. At first I thought, he’ll be treated, go into remission, and live several more years. Now I am not so sure. I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I totally relate to your living in the process and thinking that he’s going to get well. I think that is what I was doing. I’m grateful for the reality check so that maybe I’ll say more now and not save it for later. Thank you so much for sharing yourself.
Lots of Love,
P.S. I hate when people say things like it was God’s will. I don’t agree. There are crummy diseases in the world and this is one of them.March 22, 2011 at 12:23 am #47170peonyMember
Dear Melanie, I’m so sad to hear about your loss. I can’t even imagine what you must be going through. You barely had enough time to digest the diagnosis and now your have to grieve the loss of the love of your life. I hope your find strenght in your children. Know my thoughts and prayers are with you.
PeonyMarch 20, 2011 at 10:15 pm #47169charleaParticipant
Melanie, I am so impressed by the way you are able to express your feelings so well that we can all feel the pain and loss and hopefulness that your words are trying to express. I am so sorry you lost Barry so quickly and painfully. You must have been a great support to him as I’m sure your children were too. Many go through life without knowing the blessing of love. CharleaMarch 19, 2011 at 2:47 pm #47168darlaParticipant
Glad to her from you and that you are doing OK. There will be a lot of ups & downs, but your attitude and your children along with all of those who love and care for you will get you by. I think we all have had those “if only” moments. Just part of the whole process. Take care and keep in touch.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaMarch 19, 2011 at 2:47 pm #47167nur1954Participant
Melanie – I could relate to everything you said in your message. I’m glad you are handling things one day at a time and that you have found ways to cope with your loss. We’re always here for you. Peace – NancyMarch 19, 2011 at 7:35 am #47166nancy246Participant
Dearest Melanie, I am glad we heard from you. I think of you and your young children often. I am glad the service was comforting for you and you are doing OK. So thankful you are surrounded by love and it is helping you through. Take care. NancyMarch 19, 2011 at 3:38 am #47165
I am so very proud of you, Melanie. And so is Barry, I am sure of that. Yes, I second everything you have said. For me I can honestly say each month gets a little better. Guess time does have a way of healing. The gaping void is still there but the pain with it does lessen. I also believe you are teaching your children a valuable lesson in life. There will be a meltdown here and there but they lessen too and anyways its good for the soul. We are still here if you need us.March 19, 2011 at 2:27 am #47164melanie71Participant
Just checking in to say that I’m doing OK, as in, I’m at least not crying every minute and I’m focusing on keeping my kids busy and happy, which in turn helps me as everyone said it would.
With each passing day, I remind myself over and over that had his life been prolonged, it would have been prolonged misery. He felt terrible. He could hardly get out of bed. What he wanted was his life before cancer, not something that, at best, was merely an existence. He feared what was to come… that he would continue to get worse, have even more pain, and perhaps even reach a point where he didn’t know any of us. He did not want that and God spared him that. I know that deep down, underneath all the grief, I realize all of these things and that realization will comfort me one day.
His service was beautiful, and we were fortunate enough to have had conversations about what he wanted, so I was able to honor all of those requests. If there is any positive to knowing your time is short, it gives you the chance to discuss these things, and say everything you need and want to say. I just wish I had said more “that day,” but I’m sure everyone feels that way. If only I’d known…
I’m so blessed to have wonderful family and friends and the outpouring of care and compassion has been beyond what I’d ever imagined. And I’m so thankful for this board too. Many have lost loved ones, but everyone here has lost or is dealing with the dreaded CC, which gives us an even more meaningful bond. Thank you for lifting me and my children up during this difficult time.
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