My Husband and Cholangiocarcinoma – Part 2

My beloved husband, the love of my life, Thomas G. Lepp passed away on 11/20/2011 at about 8:48pm. We had such a wonderful bond that most people could see, other’s could not. I could finish his sentences and he could finish mine. Or I would think something and he would say it, and I’d look at him with such an amazed look on my face and so “Get out of my head!” and then we would laugh! And I could do the same thing to him, he would be thinking something and his thoughts just popped out of my mouth!

Just about 3 weeks ago Tom said “Remember when we first got back together when I said that I could spend the rest of my life with you? Well Babe, it looks like that is going to come true.” (Jimmy, our nephew always commented when Tom called me Babe! He’d say that is the name of a pig you shouldn’t call Marge a pig! Meaning the pig From the movie Babe)

Although it’s only been a few hours, I already miss him more than I ever thought was possible to miss someone. One of my first responses after he passed was “I’ve been taking care of him since March of 2008 when we first learned of his cancer. I won’t know how to live without taking care of him.”

When I realized that he was so close to death, I held him in my arms next to my heart as he made the transition from his life on earth to his life everlasting in Heaven. I will never forget the panic I felt, as part of me wanted to do everything I could to keep him here with me, then such a sense of joy when I realized that his pain and suffering was over, that he did not have to have any more tube exchanges, no more chemo, no more blood tests, no more ER rooms, no more hospital stays, no more medications, no more insulin, no more poking an prodding by doctors. He was finally free of all that! And I made certain that the funeral home knew that they were to make sure that they took his girlfriend (the tube going into his liver was to be taken OUT. He did not want to have that tube and bag for eternity! Good bye to the liver drain tube!

When his daughter Holly brought him home from the Hospital on Thursday, I’d had already received a call from his primary doctor and his were “Margaret, I am so sorry. I did not tell Tom this but I don’t like his color and I don’t think he has much time left and I think it’s time for Pallative or Hospice”

Tom and I would tell each other, every night before we went to sleep that we loved each other. We would hold one another and he always wanted me to sleep close to him and he always went to sleep with one part of his body touching me, be it his hand or a leg or one of his feet.

The very last thing he said to me earlier today was “I love you” as his blue eyes looked directly into mine. That was shortly before he went into a coma like state. He never spoke after that, and was not in any pain.

It was hard knowing that after his 3 year 8 month battle with cancer that we had lost the fight. He tried so hard, he did not want to leave me, that was the hardest thing that he had to deal with. He was always so concerned that I would be alone.

I told him over and over again that it wasn’t about me, it was about him and that it was OK to let go that I knew he was tired, and that I knew it wasn’t him giving up, it was the cancer taking over. That it was his body could no longer battle the cancer with him. I told him it was OK to let go and go to his heavenly slumber.

When his doctor started him back on Chemo about 5 weeks ago – I was very surprised when he told me that he was going to do the chemo! We had discussed it many times and he said he was done, that he was tired and that he couldn’t do it any more. I supported him 100% and we had even discussed that if another tumor were found or if the cancer had spread that he was done. I tried to talk him out of doing the chemo and he was adament that he was going to give it one more try.

But in the end, although we lost the fight with cancer, we never lost sight of each other and the very deep love that we shared.

Tom touched many people during his 64 years on this earth. He was a good father, a great uncle, an awesome grandfather, a loving brother, a great friend and a very loving husband. I only wish that we’d had more time together, to build more memories!

Thomas, I know that I have told you many times during our years together that I love you to the end of the earth and back again, so keep me close to your heart as you make your way to those pearly gates. You know that someday we’ll be together again. It may take me a while to get there, and when God is ready for me to be with you again I know that you’ll be up in heaven standing just inside those pearly gates waiting for me with open arms.

You loving wife, Margaret

Thomas Lepp Sr. Obituary: View Thomas Lepp’s Obituary by Green Bay Press-Gazette
http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/greenba…