My wee dad
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Dear CAROL, I am so very sorry to read this about your Wee Dad. My hope is that he remains comfortable. Try to take each few hours at a time. There is also nothing wrong in asking your own Doctor for a little help with something to get through this. You never know how strong you are until “strong” is the only choice you have! Sending you big cyber hugs and a ton of prayers.
Please help me …. My dad’s taken a bad urine infection and the tumour in his lower back has effected the power in his legs so he was transferred to the hospice yesterday . They’ve told us it’s serious and to prepare as it’s a matter of weeks now. Devastated doesn’t cover it. I am so so scared as it’s all come so quick as dad went in with gallstones April and this is where we find ourselves ??!!! Can’t get my head round it !!
Hi Carol,
Thanks for that and grrr for waiting for the referal to happen, can it be speeded up somehow? That’s great that you were able to get your dad out into the garden to enjoy some of that sun that we are having this week. It is here on the east coast as well and as you know, us Scot’s need to take full advantage of the sun when it finally comes out! And I bet your dad enjoyed getting out for a bit as well.
I so know where you are coming from with this as I managed to get my mum out in the garden for 30 mins or so today. She has not been outside in months and the last time was to go to hosp for an x-ray. It was a huge effort for her to get outside the door, only about 10 yards in total and even with the oxygen she had to stop about 5 times. But like your dad she enjoyed the sun and it makes a huge change to one’s mood does it not to have other things to look at apart from the same walls.
So hoping that we can both get more of these good days so that my mum and your dad can get outside for a bit. And yep, agree with Darla in the hating of this disease!
Hugs,
Gavin
Carol,
I’m glad you got your dad out for a little while. Even tho’ it was hard, I’m sure he greatly appreciated the effort and the change of scenery. I too hope you will have more good days and will be able to do this more often for him.
You are not alone in your feelings. We all hate this horrible disease.
Hugs,
DarlaSeemingly we can wait for a couple of weeks for referral to get auctioned. Thanks Marion and Gavin for your support yet again … Means a lot. Got dad outside yesterday into the back garden for about 40mins … Was a huge effort to get him there as he is so weak but I set up a comfy recliner sun lounger under a sun umbrella and we took him front front door to back garden in car down the driveway (a very short distance- about 15ft) but he couldn’t walk that far… He was exhausted after but enjoyed the change of scenery as hasn’t been out the door in over 4 weeks and then it was when he was brought back from hospital. Pray we get more of these good days…. HATE this disease !! Xxxx
Hi Carol,
Denial is unfortunately something that can come with a cancer diagnosis as Marion has said to you and it can be hard to deal with for many. But from what you have said it sounds like you have handled things very well and I know it is so tough for you and your parents.
I know that the Marie Curie team will be of benefit to your mum and your dad now that they are involved even though it may be hard for them to accept their services. But they so know what they are doing with all of this and how to handle everything as well. I do feel as well that they will help a bit in taking some of the pressure off of your mum who I am sure could do with that.
You’re doing everything that you can for your parents Carol during what is a very stressful time for you all.
Hugs,
Gavin
Carol…denial is a completely natural response. I would only worry when it interferes with treatment and the causing problems with care. It takes a strong person like you, Carol, to understand and take actions such as what you have done so far. Your parents raised a fine daughter.
My husband never was in denial of the severity of his cancer and underwent all treatments suggested, but he had problems speaking of the poor outcome we were facing. Had it not been for our physician friends, close confidants and my elder children’s support, I am not sure how I could have handled the situation on an emotional level. I now understand that for my husband to realistically accept the dire situation would have meant defeat and giving up while hurting those he loved so much. But, with time, we adjusted (together) to the ever changing landscape of disease progression.Stay strong, dear Carol, things will continue to evolve and the Marie Curry nurses will aid you and them with the comfort and care of your Dad.
Hugs
MarionThanks guys … Referral went in today for Marie curie nurses to come and do a palliative care assessment …. I eventually had the very hard discussion with them today, very sad realisation but they know it’s the right thing … Mum and dad just in denial … My heart breaks for them. We had a nice time yesterday as I had printed off lots of photos of mum dad and the kids for them so they enjoyed looking through them …. Appreciate all your support.
Hugs to you all
Carol
XxxDear Carol,
I am praying for more “good” days, hours and minutes for your father and your family. Please do not forget to take care of yourself, rest, eat balanced meals, same goes for your mom. The most difficult times when I was caring for my sister, were when I was exhausted.
Stay strong!Regards,
KrassiHi Carol,
Hope that you, your dad, mum and the kids are having a good day today. Does your dad have any meds for the sickness? I know you say he was feeling sick but if he gets sick there are tons of meds out there that the GP will be able to prescribe that can help with nausea.
I know that with your husband away for the week this will be a harder week for you Carol but you know that we are here for you too.
Hugs,
Gavin
Thanks guys, dad has been taking laxido to help with constipation but getting a balance doletes proving difficult. I’m sitting here with dad just now while my friend has my mum out for a wee change of scene , dad is sleeping and very twitchy. He started feeling sick yesterday and still feels sick today. He’s a wee soul and watching him sleep pulls at my heart strings . What a horrible disease this is. Thanks so much to everyone for your continued support.
Myself and kids coming over again tomorrow for some food and company with mum and dad. Hubby Ian flying to Mexico with work tomorrow for a week so a difficult week ahead of us. Only looking at a day at a time though as you guys suggest as when I look further forward I get overwhelmed. Thanks for being here xxxxHi Carol,
Sorry I missed your post last night. Real sorry to hear everything that is happening right now and I can so relate to all of what you say from my experiences with my dad. Please know that I am thinking of you as you go through this and you know you can email me anytime if you like as well.
Glad to hear that you have the referral in for the Marie Curie team as they will help ease some of the pressure that your mum is going through right now. I so agree that right now your mum and dad need that type of help and there is nothing wrong in asking for help. This is such a tough time for all of you and many of us here will know that.
My dad used Lactulose for his constipation and that worked okay for him, have you tried that? You are doing such a great job here with all of this Carol, please do not ever doubt yourself. And there is nothing wrong at all with having a vent about stuff, we all need to do that sometimes and have done so here many, many times so you keep doing that as much as you want to! We so understand.
Hope that you and the kids get up to see your dad this weekend as I know that will bring a smile to his face.
Hugs,
Gavin
Carol,
I just want to add that I am so sorry that your family is going through this very difficult time and you are right in saying that most people can’t relate to what you are going through with this horrible disease. All of us on this board do know and we care and are there for you.
You are doing all that you can for your Dad and are showing incredible strength. So is your Mom. One day at a time is a good strategy for dealing with this. I’m so glad that you and your Mom have each other to lean on.
Wishing you peace,
Debbie
I was overwhelmed to wake up this morning to your kind messages. It made me feel that I’m not alone. Yes dad is suffering from bouts of constipation but he has medication to try and help this. Finding a balance though is proving quite difficult. We tarried him on all his favourite foods and he’s gone off them one by one. The meal he’s enjoying most is his porridge in the morning but now my mum has to feed him this and his hands shake quite a bit. We have endure drinks and smoothies which are high in calories and nutrition and he will take one of them a day and sometimes one of the orange drinks too. He is due back to see his oncologist on wed next week but I don’t know if he’s got the strength for mum and I to get him there by car. We have a wheelchair etc for him too as dad funds the ambulance transport to sore on his back as he has tumours on his spine but they managed to shrink them back a bit with radiotherapy.
I can’t thank you all enough for your continued support an once this horrendous journey and u send my love and support back to you all.
Carol xxxxx
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