Response to Alla’s posting

Lauren, LOVE your Rabbi! I think a butterfly is a good omen as it is beautiful and gentle. Kind of a peaceful work of live art!

I am very sorry for your loss, Alla. What an awesome dream. I’m sure it was Marty trying to let you know he was ok. I send my deepest sympathy to you and your children. Take care and God bless.

Love, -Pam

Thank you all for your support and encouragements. It is still seems unreal. Made funeral arrangements today. Unfortunately, not for the days I thought of. It had to be pushed back to next thursday, which I’m not to happy about.

Saw an interesting dream last night – it was a beautiful butterfly flying around me. I asked if it was Marty and butterfly set on my hand, confirming that it was him. I asked if he was ok and somehow butterfly “told” me that he was. I had a peaceful feeling that it was him and he was fine.

Getting a lots of support from the friends – more than I ever expected. I think we’ll be OK in time. Just taking day at a time…

Sincerely, Alla

Dear Alla,

I am so very sorry indeed to hear of the passing of your husband. Please accept my sincere condolences. I know that you did everything that you could to help your husband and please know that my thoughts are with you and your family right now.

Gavin

Alla, I am so very sorry, we both know that he deserved his Peace. You have been amazing as a wife and Caretaker. Take all the time you need, but I hope you will check in down the road and let us know how you are doing.

Letter from Heaven by Ruth Ann Mahaffey

To my dearest family some things I’d like to say
But first of all to let you know that I arrived okay,
I’m writing this from Heaven. Here I shall dwell with God above
Here, there’s no more tears of sadness. Here is just eternal love.
Please do not be unhappy because I’m out of sight
Remember that I am with you every morning, noon and night.
That day I had to leave you when my life on earth was through
God picked me up and hugged me and He said “I welcome you,
It’s good to have you back again,
you were missed while you were gone,
As for your dearest family, they’ll be here later on.
God gave me a list of things that he wished for me to do
And foremost on the list was to watch and care for you
And when you lie in bed at night, the days chores put to flight
God and I are closest to you . . in the middle of the night.
When you think of my life on earth and all those loving years
Because you are only human, they are bound to bring you tears
But do not be afraid to cry, it does relieve the pain
Remember there would be no flowers, unless there was some rain.
One thing is for certain though my life on earth is o’er
I’m closer to you now than I ever was before.
There are many rocky roads ahead of you and many hills to climb
Together we can do it by taking one day at a time.
When you’re walking down the street and you’ve got me on your mind
I’m walking in your footsteps, only half a step behind
And when it’s time for you to go . . from that body to be free
Remember you’re not going . . you’re just coming here to me.

Just an update. It keeps declining quickly..

Sensitive!

Yesterday he was trying to sit up, as well as trying to go to the bathroom with our help and answer questions. Today he can’t really move, no talking, doesn’t try to get up, no interaction at all. He is sleeping with his eyes half open and staring. I tried to talk to him – seems that he does understand. When I said I love him – his upper lip moved, when I ask him if he can hear me, he moaned a little…
He seems more comfortable, but we do press the pain pump button periodically when he moans. Had intense vomiting earlier, hopefully that helped as well. His son had said that seems that his organs are shutting down.
Hard to watch and still seems impossible that he won’t be here on earth very soon!
Kind of torn if I should let the kids say goodbye or not. It would be hard for them to see him like that, but in the same time – would they regret it later? Yet again, would he want them to remember him like that? Is there a right answer???

Dear Alla, thank you for the update. In my mind, if you stop the TPN maybe you are not depriving him but it could be you are stopping the vomiting and pain. I guess only time will tell. Your husband has been through so much that perhaps by not eating or drinking he is trying to tell you he has had enough. It is hard to listen to what they are trying to tell or show us. I believe they know exactly what they are doing even if we think they don’t. Be strong, we are all beside you!