Sensitive: End stage
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Hi Andie
I am so sorry, i have posted on the Remembrance site, but wanted to share something with you which i found comforting at the time of my dad’s passing. My dad also held on until the bitter end, we had all reassured him that it was ok to go but he just hung on…..in speaking to the hospice sister she explained to us that sometimes in a really close family with deep connections the loved one waits until the very last moment to go, because it is has hard for them to leave as it is for us to say goodbye, it is almost like when you are going away for a long time, and you are at the airport and you wait until the very last moment to board. It helped me to understand why perhaps my dad held on…just wanted to share this with you. I am thinking of you and your mom all the time.
with lots of love and hugs
Michelle
Andrea, Love and peace to your family. Your dad will never be forgotten and will be with you forever.
NancyThank you all for your kind words. Dad passed away at 2.45am this morning and it was how we wished it to be. Mom, Dad and me, peacefully all together. Dad was painfree but fought until the end. He did get agitated at one point, he wanted to sit up and his eyes were fixed to the corner of the room, he kept reaching out as if he was trying to get to someone. This caused his breathing to become very rapid. The DN decided then it would be kinder to fit a syringe driver and give him some drugs to calm him down. They did and 2 hours later he passed away. They had expected him to pass away Thursday night but he kept hanging on, in the end enough was enough and we told him to let go, and he did, as Mom and I held him and told him we loved him. He had been talking to his Mom and told someone “I’m coming in a minute”. Mom and I felt waves of coldness wrap round our bodies during the night, it was an experience I can’t explain apart from a feeling that he was being met by past loved ones.
He looked so at peace, his jaundice had faded, his skin looked wrinkle free and his smile said I love you, I’m ok.
At the moment I just feel numb, I want to organise things but as it’s a Saturday we are in limbo as we can’t get the death certificate until Monday. My little one was devastated and it broke my heart to see his little face crumble but we had a good cry a good talk and we will take it minute by minute, it’s too soon for day by day. I was so proud of my Mom, she found her strength and was truly amazing. The next hurdle is the funeral. Once again thank you to all my cc family, you are also amazing, and one good thing to come out of this is all of you.
Best wishes
Andrea
Hey, Tommy. Talk about wonderful Dads and Husbands, you are right at the top. Tommy, I believe even though you have a lot of help it is a mental tiredness you have and no one can help that. It is really important that you get your sleep at night. I am so very sorry to hear Judy is at that point. Is she in any pain and if so is it pretty much under control? How are the girls doing? You have no idea what a good dad you have been, I can read between the lines and you will see for yourself when the girls become your greatest comfort. Please let us know how Judy is doing as you go along. I think writing on this Board can eb so cathartic. I think I told you I am originally from KCMO. Not sure how far that is from Elmo. Tommy, stay strong as that will give Judy the confidence that you will be able to do what ever is necessary with the girls. Prayers and hugs coming your way.
I feel truly sorry for you Andie, and your Mother. I have not visited this site for a couple of weeks as my wife, Judy, is in about the same shape as your dad. This has got to be the toughest times of our lives. Judy doesn’t get mad but I can see the hurt in her face every time me or one of our girls has to help her with something. Our hospice nurse has let us dictate every move she makes. I’m sure she will take control of the situation when the time comes. I’m with everyone else, you are doing a fine job. Some dads just know how to raise wonderful kids and I think your dad was one of them. I can only hope I helped my wife with our 3 girls. I don’t think I have ever been this tired in all my life, and I have tons of help. The one thing that helps me more than anything else is a restful sleep. Hard to come by though. Hang in there Andie and know that your dad loves you. One last thing, Hi Lainy. Tommy
Andie,
Just want you to know I am keeping you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaHi Andie,
I’m thinking of you all and wishing you strength. This is so unbelievably hard for you and I wish I could help. I think Alan’s mom has written some incredible words here. Thinking of you lots and hoping for peace for you all.
Kate
Dear Andrea
Please know thoughts and prayers are with you, your mum and your dad, during this difficult time.
Helen xx
Andie,
You and your mum are doing everything that you can for your dad right now. I know that from this time with my dad that the days ahead are tough, but you are strong and I know that you will continue to do what your dad needs right now. This time is indeed bittersweet as others have said, but treasure this time.
You are constantly in my thoughts and I wish for peace for your dad. We are all here for you.
Hugs,
Gavin
I think you and your Mom are doing a fantastic gift of love. My husband had been wheelchair bound for over 20 years. While he was in the hospital I had to help him into the chair, go in help him transfer out and back in, then help into the bed. Wayne passed away one year ago from yesterday, he was able to go into the bathroom with help, the last time was the day before he went to heaven. They transfered him to hospice that day, he lived about 27 hours in hospice inpatient. That last day he only spoke two times. I have been in denial ever since, my brain knows he is in heaven, but my heart wants him to be with me.
I will be thinking and praying for you and your Mom, and peace to your Dad.Hya Andrea and mom
You will manage, I know you can do this both for mom and dad.
You will get opposite people thats for sure but have to agree with you District nurses fantastic. I have washed down and cared for both Alan and his Dad thats how I know mom will do it.Later it will help her to know, she did the hardest thing in life someone can do for another person. We all pass by but once and for you both to do this will one day give you the ultimate feeling that your dad had you both to tend, love and care for him at this level. For me and you I believe it is the highest accolade in life that we will get to achieve.
Giving of ourselves completely to another.
May God keep you all in his tender care. love and light Alan’s momAndrea,
As others have said, you are doing EVERYTHING right. It’s awful that the one nurse was so nasty (and stupid, really… considering what she does for a living, you would think she would understand the concept of sensitivity, which she clearly DOES NOT). I’m so glad the other nurses are being so helpful, and that your Dad is comfortable with them being around. It sounds like they are ready for whatever may come, which is fantastic.
I know the next few days are going to be very hard, but it sounds like you are doing what needs to be done to ensure your Dad is at peace, and I know he must be so incredibly proud of you and your Mom for the way you are handling everything right now. I hope his new found calmness continues with you and your Mom being the ones by his side, and that he remains pain free.
I am thinking of you and your family constantly, Andrea, and pray for peace and comfort for you all.Jen
Andie, it is nothing short of amazing how you, your mom, and dad are working together. I am so glad your dad has excepted help from everyone. While we did have someone help with my dad’s showers, it took a few of us to ensure my dad’s safety. Slippery when wet! As said, I hope bathroom will not become an issue for you, but it was for my dad. My dad was in a coma for 8 days before he passed and my sister and I had to take care of his needs up until the end. I’m telling you this because it really wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. I became so protective of him and I just knew I had to make him comfortable anyway I could. My thoughts and prayers go out to you In these upcoming days. Try to rest when you can. Pam
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