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    Today has been the worst day yet. Dad woke at 12ish and wanted a drink, we gave him a sports bottle to drink out of as he keeps spilling his drinks due to extreme weakness,but he still spilt this which sent him into a rage. He is too weak to walk so me and Mom had to guide him to a chair so Mom could change the bed. All the time he was crying and saying sorry and how useless he is. I tried to calm him down and eventually he settled until it was time to change his pjs. He is very proud and does not want any help but he is so weak it is not physically possible for him to do any thing. He has a stoma bag which he takes care of himself, there is no way he is going to be able to do this but he is insisting he can. We are worried he is going to fall if he attempts it and then he could end up in hospital. I said Mom was worried about him falling and that the Nurse could help, he went mad, and i mean mad. He said he would have no dignity left then he started to cry. It has broke my heart. I am worried about Mom coping with him, I want to call in macmillan nurses now (they are due fri, dad wasn’t seen as urgent on Monday, and to be fair he could manage it 2 days ago) but Dad has made me promise I won’t call anyone in do to it for him. I’m scared if I phone he will never forgive me.
    Dad is so stubborn but he as never been an angry person. I know this isn’t my Dad and it’s the cc and medication but I don’t want to remember him like this, he was always the one with the cheeky smile and shining eyes.
    Mom is worried if he needs the toilet to wee how he will get there, I offered to get him a special container to do it in and again he went mad, got aggitated and cried. I just don’t know what to do. I wish God would take him now,enough is enough, this is too cruel, he deserves to be at peace. The only good thing is so far he is not in any pain.

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