What are the signs of impending death?

LD,

I am so glad that you replied to Marjo. After reading your post I too began to wonder. My husband has been gone for 7 months & I also have gotten a lot from this site. This is truely a monster of a cancer to deal with. I don’t think anything else can compare to what those of us who have dealt with it have gone through. I like you know that I did the best I could with the circumstances we were given and that our husbands are in a better place & no longer in pain, but it is still hard to accept and go on. We all miss him so much and I am still so sad & lonely. It just rips your world apart to watch someone you love be taken away from you so swiftly by this horrible disease. I will now be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers along with everyone else on this site who has been touched by this awful type of cancer. I hope that things are going OK for you as I too know what it is like & how hard it is to go on.

Darla

Natasha, I am so sorry for your loss of your father and then pain and suffering your mom is enduring with CC. I truly don’t think I could endure so much sadness and stress at one time, you are an amazing person. I am kind of baffled by the treatment of your mother at the hospital. Have they done ultrasounds on your moms abdomen to see if there is a bowel obstruction? Are they giving her laxatives of any kind? has a suppository been suggested? Your mom needs relief now. Also, what kind of pain therapy do they have your mom on? Is she wearing a patch of any kind, morphine? It seems at this point the goal should be to get the pain controlled.
You are an incredible daughter, and I am sure your mom is so grateful for your loving support. I pray for strength for you and the pain to be relieved for your mother.
Peace
Barbara

Natasha….I am hoping and wishing for your Mom to be relieved of her pain today. Natasha, have you spoken with the attending physician? Have they ever treated an GI cancer patient? You might want to mention to either, the nurses, or physician, or both, that you are a member of Cholangiocarcinoma Foundation website therefore, the treatment your Mom is receiving is being observed by people from all over the world. The members on this site have first-hand experience with the progression of this cancer and are behind you, all the way.
My heart is with you,
Hugs
Marion

Anastasia,

You are very strong and a very good daughter. I honestly don’t know how I would handle what you are going through, to lose a parent while you are caring for the other parent who is terminally ill is beyond what anyone should have to suffer. I pray for your strength to keep going.

I would ask the doctor for an honest assessment of how long she can continue in her condition. Also, can she be moved to a hospice facility? In the States, typically they would not keep a patient who is nearing the end in the hospital, not sure if there is a different protocol in Canada. In the hospice setting, there are services offered that may not be available in the hospital to help your mother and you and your family prepare for her death.

Patty

Dear Natasha,

I had to say hello and send warm thoughts from Thunder Bay Ontario! Where abouts do you live in Canada? I am so sorry to hear about your mother’s current situation. 40 days in the hospital just seems cruel to me! I really hope the doctor’s are doing all they can for her. I understand what you mean about not wanting to rock the boat over talking about death. It has been very difficult for me to talk to my father about his impending death also because we have never been all that close, so talking about death was the last thing I wanted to do. But I am so thankful I talked about it with him. We didn’t talk about it that much, but what I found helped was writing him a letter. I found I could better explain myself through writing. I don’t know if that is an option for you? Anyways, this is a very special time for you and your mother to share as painful, and frustrating and difficult it is. She must really love you for the constant support. You and your mom are in my prayers!

Hugs,

Ashlea

Natasha,
So sorry to hear about your mother and how she’s worsening. Being in the hospital so long can be dehumanizing and must bring her spirits down even more. I was in a similar situation with my mother, but I can’t really tell you when the end will come, since it’s so different for everyone. Just know that your being there is an immense comfort to her and she loves you for it.

As for not talking about death, I can tell you that I’m one person who regrets not talking about it more fully with my mother (she really wasn’t comfortable with the subject, and I guess I wasn’t, either). There are so many things left unsaid between us, so many regrets. That said, I think I can say with certainty, that even if you DID talk about every aspect of death with your mom for 3 weeks straight, you will still have regrets after she has died. It’s a terrible part of the grief process: though we rationally know that we did all we could, our minds keep going over what we should have done differently, what we should have said or should not have said. I’m just telling you this to prepare you so you don’t feel as guilty – but you probably will feel guilt. So if you think your mother would be upset by your bringing up the subject, try to bring it up gently, and if she refuses to talk about it, then just honor her wishes. That’s all you can do – it’s her choice and if you let her know that you are open to anything she wishes, then you’ve done the ultimate good for her. Everyone copes differently, and some people just don’t want to make plans for/talk about the end.

I grieve for you in this painful situation. All my love and hope going out to you and your mother and your family. You can always come here for a bit of support if you need a shoulder to lean on.
Joyce M

Natasha,
My dad had a drain and it wasn’t so bad. Just had to watch it when he was in bed and moved. Mom had to sponge bathe him during that time too. But he relieved a lot of his discomfort so it was worth it.