What next?
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Bkat,
So sorry for the loss of your father. You last entry brought tears to my eyes. So well said, so heartfelt.
I hope the memories of your dear father sustain you through this difficult time and bring you and your family some joy and smiles.
-Randi-
Dear Bkat,
I am very sorry about the loss of your Father. Please accept my sympathies. I am sure he is happy and pain free in heaven now. Take care and God bless you all.
Love, -Pam
Bkat,
While I am sincerely sorry about the loss of your father, your last post was very well said. I too discovered this website after my surgery and it has definitely helped me out through my current treatment. Everyone on this board has a vested interest in bringing this disease to the forefront to hopefully give everyone else who encounters it a better fighting chance. My sincerest condolences…Thanks so much for your kind words. It’s never easy losing a loved one, but knowing my dad is no longer suffering and that we put up as good of a fight as possible makes it a little easier to bear. As we sat by his hospital bed shortly after he had died, there was this strange empty moment in time. After the months of coordinating, orchestrating, scheduling, and researching, it suddenly hit me: It’s over. There’s nothing for me to do now but let him rest.
The last 6 months have been tough and sad, frustrating and distressing, but there also have been some flowers in amongst the weeds. I’ve learned a lot and hopefully absorbed some of the kindness, wisdom, and simplicity of self that was my dad.
This discussion board is a marvelous resource for anyone with a connection to this rare and devastating disease called cholangiocarcinoma. It just saddens me it’s so desperately needed.
In hindsight, I don’t see it as we lost this fight. The deck was stacked and the odds all but impossible. But victory isn’t measured solely by winning. It is earned when we never surrender and when we willingly enter the battle, either for ourself or for a loved one, knowing death will inevitably win. We never gave up on my dad and I know individuals like each of you and everyone who enters the fray against this adversary called cancer will never give up either.
Dear Bkat,
I am sending many prayers to you and your family. I am so sorry to hear of your dad’s passing. Hold on to all your good memories with him and may you find peace at this most difficult time. God Bless each of you, PeggyP
Bkat
I’m sorry to hear your Dad passed. Please accept my condolences at this difficult time for you and your family.Gerry
Good Afternoon,
When is time to say enough? That is an individual question, that only the person with the disease; can answer.
I know how you feel, as I wanted my mother to do all sorts of chemotherapy and she was 100% against it, until November 2011, then she did 2 treatments and stopped.
She is now at home, we have full-time live in help – so she does not have to have a rotating hospice nurse, or go into a hospice center.
Try to enjoy each day you have with your dad, each moment is precious. If you ever need to talk please send me an email.
Sending hugs,
Roni
ronidinkes@yahoo.comDear Bkat and Family, please accept my most sincere sympathies on your Father’s passing, and you know he has gone to a better and more peaceful place.
Letter from Heaven by Ruth Ann Mahaffey
To my dearest family some things I’d like to say
But first of all to let you know that I arrived okay,
I’m writing this from Heaven. Here I shall dwell with God above
Here, there’s no more tears of sadness. Here is just eternal love.
Please do not be unhappy because I’m out of sight
Remember that I am with you every morning, noon and night.
That day I had to leave you when my life on earth was through
God picked me up and hugged me and He said “I welcome you,
It’s good to have you back again,
you were missed while you were gone,
As for your dearest family, they’ll be here later on.
God gave me a list of things that he wished for me to do
And foremost on the list was to watch and care for you
And when you lie in bed at night, the days chores put to flight
God and I are closest to you . . in the middle of the night.
When you think of my life on earth and all those loving years
Because you are only human, they are bound to bring you tears
But do not be afraid to cry, it does relieve the pain
Remember there would be no flowers, unless there was some rain.
One thing is for certain though my life on earth is o’er
I’m closer to you now than I ever was before.
There are many rocky roads ahead of you and many hills to climb
Together we can do it by taking one day at a time.
When you’re walking down the street and you’ve got me on your mind
I’m walking in your footsteps, only half a step behind
And when it’s time for you to go . . from that body to be free
Remember you’re not going . . you’re just coming here to me.Dear Bkat,
I am so very sorry indeed to hear of the passing of your father. Please accept my sincere condolences. Yes the coming days will be tough, I know that from my own experience. But please know that we are all here for you should you need us all. My thoughts are with you and your family right now.
Gavin
This morning at approximately 9:25am my father passed away. The end came quickly and peacefully with his wife by his side.
Both my sister and I were en route to his bedside when he died. While we were both too late to be there when he finally let go, my sister believes that, while he wanted his wife with him, he didn’t want to die in front of the kids. That’s most certainly something my father would do.
We are still taking all of this in and the coming days will be difficult, as many of you already know first hand. Perhaps it is some small solace that my dad chose this day, February 29th, as his last day on earth, knowing the date comes around only every four years so there will not be the yearly anniversary of the day our father died.
It is so very sad to have my father gone. But like all living things, he will always exist in the universe in some form.
Goodbye dad.
Bkat, I am so very sorry what what you are going through. He is preparing for his well deserved peace. Please continue to talk to him, it is good for all of you as he does know what is going on even if he is so very still. I went through much the same with Teddy and it is a very awesome lesson for them to teach. Remember they do hear and they do control their own destiny. Prayers coming your way.
In the last two weeks there have been a few better days mixed in with several bad, but since the weekend my dad’s health has declined precipitously. On Friday he managed to sit upright in his wheel chair for a short while, still able to smile at my bad old joke about the panda that walked into a bar. As of this afternoon, he is prone on his hospital bed, drifting in and out of consciousness, his eyes are closed, and breathing heavy. He is all but wordless. Because he is unable to swallow his pain meds, he has been shifted to morphine.
We know where this is headed and, at least in a general sense, know what to expect thanks in large part to this wonderful community on cholangiocarcinoma.org. We’ve prepared as best we can and now all we can do is make him as comfortable as possible in the days ahead.
Forty years ago he was diagnosed with melanoma and was told he had six months to live. Despite the odds against him, he won that battle and was able to see his two children grow up and he lived to grow old with the love of his life, my mother. But every story has an ending and this one is in its final pages.
He may not even realize this now, drifting in and out of his hazy morphine sleep, but he is teaching his children one final lesson. How to die with dignity and grace, and how to bid a proper farewell to a honorable life well lived.
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