aussiejan

Hello All

I knew it was coming but it was not supposed to be now. I needed all your advice for which I am eternally grateful and touched my mum every day. My daughter arrived on Saturday night and as usual we all went to see Mum on Sunday.
I helped brush her teeth and she told us to use aloe Vera for stings.
As always we left saying we would be back after lunch and I spent time with her doctor , we discussed a change to the anti nausea meds and again were told probably long weeks.

Thirty minutes later Mum had asked for a bed pan and as it arrived Mum took her last breath.

No warning signs, not even for the professionals. Her heart stopped.

I miss my mum more than words will ever express .

I can say no more now but thank you to all you brave wise people. The gifts of your advice mean Dad was more able to cope and I had quality time with my mum. But I do feel she left before her time .
I am grateful she had no pain and still looked like Mum but I truly thought I would know when the end was near.
I love and miss my mum.
Thank you all.

Hello All

Well the roller coaster continues. Mum had the two stents in the duodenum and definitely that has stopped the continual vomiting of awful brown liquid. I think my mum expected to leap out of bed and life would be normal for a while but instead Mum has been bedridden ever since and has lost all confidence in her ability to move , mainly due to the fainting spells.
I really do not know where we are going and keep trying to find out from the doctors as this just feels like no mans land. They believe blood pressure and postural hypotension are the main factors, we can’not risk tablets to increase standing bp due to a fibrillation.
Yesterday I think my mum had a mini breakthrough as the doctor did tell her they will send her home even if it is in a hospital bed!
When I got there for the afternoon the physio had taped a list to mums bed of times for her to be sat up in the bed. May seem like a little but compared to the last three weeks sitting upright with the assistance of the bed, is an improvement.
I do hope that these changes in position will get the blood moving around again and maybe we will be able to get Mum to sit on the edge of the bed next week.
Has anyone got any advice? I do not want to be the evil daughter pushing my mum but if she can do more I want her to want to do it. It is so unlike my mum to just want to lie there when she does not have to. I know she is scared of vomiting and passing out but I am scared if she does not try she will never get out of this bed again.
Love and prayers and a big hug to all the people on this forum because I am learning we have to take each day as it comes and you are not alone.

Thank you Lainy and Marion.
I was reading Gavin’s story and again it emphasizes how we all have to face similar experiences.
I was wondering how Gavin addressed the facts of his dad’s illness with his Mum? My Dad will not hear anything relating to incurable, inoperable and hates the fact that mum is in the hospice but is pretending that they are offering a different type of care to palliative.
On the up side Mum had two stents placed in the duodenum and doctors seem happy. They have halved the meds in the syringe driver for anti nausea and have halved the steroids. Now we wait to see how Mum goes over next few days. At this stage all looking good and maybe home next week.
My Mum wants me to prepare my Dad , he does not want to hear it and to be honest nor do I. I believe my mum still has time and quality time but she sees each downturn as the end and we struggle to get her to realize she is well enough again to come home and she no longer needs a bed pan but could try the commode or better yet the toilet! I feel guilty pushing her when I know it is hard for her as she is no quitter and my heart breaks for my dad who will not understand my mums attitude as he wants to believe this will all go away.
So thanks be to God we have the above going on again and we will get Mum home.
I have to return to Australia in two weeks and I am terrified each time I leave but then I feel guilty for expecting the worst. What a nightmare roller coaster this is.
More next week once we know Mum is still responding well.

Lainy and Marion thank you so much for replies.
Mum goes to hospital tomorrow to have stent in duodenum so I have high hopes. The feeling of constipation is related to inflammation in peritoneum so no actual constipation which Mum is happy about, no more movicol!
Mum has had one major vomiting bout since the anti nausea driver and hopefully stent will mean driver can go too.
Outside of the obvious , really worried that mum has become very immobile and bed ridden as she keeps passing out when she tries to move. How do we get Mum marginally active again? We are waiting till stent is done so the discomfort may be gone but mum now scared to sit up or get out of bed in case she passes out.
Mum was cheeky and joking with nursing staff today and doling out our instructions for the day and we were thrilled!
A lot of hope pinned on tomorrow.
Jan

Thank you so much for the support, we have gone from a lonely place with no support to amazing support at the hospice. Still hope that Mum will come home.
They say no actual blockage or constipation but a lot of pressure due to tumor. Next week they will put a stent in the duodenum and believe it will give Mum relief from the continual constipated feeling and hopefully stop the awful vomiting. Like Daisy I feel there are some things I will not ask in front of my mum, I want her to feel positivity . Perhaps I am in denial but mum does well when she has action ahead . Will let you know how and when stent goes. Today was a good day for Mum.