daddysgirl-2
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I wish to God that dad had never asked about statistics and time frames. It’s what he focused on during treatment and toward the end. He kept asking how many days have passed. I tried to redirect that path of conversation, but I guess he just wanted to know to get things done before he passed. He did have hope, however, but the looming dates plagued him. From a caregiver/daughter point of view, it was hard to watch dad focus on timeframes. He was told he had no longer than 6 months. He died 6 months from his dx date: Jan 28 – Jul 28.
There were times, that we thought we’d have him for a while longer. I started thinking we’d have him for Christmas. He came down with an infection that sucker-punched us. I guess you just never know.
I am in awe of the determination and positive attitudes of persons with CC on this panel. Such courage completely humbles me. I guess that’s one of the many reasons I keep coming back here} to be in the midst of such strength and vitality.
Peace,
JoleneI should add that dad’s cancer had already spread so much. However, one must always, always have faith, hope and support. Lainy is correct in saying it’s about attitude!
Hi, Nathalie~welcome. I’m so sorry that you have had such frustration on top of the CC diagnosis.
My dad was diagnosed with CC in January of ’08. I remember the fight it took to get that diagnosis. We weren’t listened to at first. It took several emergency room visits and two very public outcries of disapproval of competency before dad was able to get an MRI, biopsy etc. Then ‘they’ were more cooperative…I even got a pat on the back from the hospital social worker for my advocacy for dad. (Why does it take a fight in the first place—I think now that it’s sadly a question of location, and education of both patients and doctors).
Again, welcome. May you find some answers here. You will surely find support.
Jolene
I’m willing to bet that your sister’s sister is pretty special, too, to care so much. It’s a long road to travel alone.
What part of Mexico do you live in? My sister-in-law and her husband live in Mexico City, but travel to many other villages. (He’s works for the Social Security department).
Jolene
Thank you, Lainy, for this beautiful poem. I really do believe that my dad is with us. Being a military man, dad often went to whatever city or country to prepare housing arrangements before the rest of us joined him. I like to think that dad is on his next ‘deployment’, so to speak, making arrangements. Now he watches over us, prepares for our arrival, guides us however geographically scattered we may be. Dad has reached a goal he wasn’t able to on earth ~ multi-tasking!!! hahahaha
I’ve mentioned before that I have a brother with multiple disabilities. He lives in his own apartment where we arrange for caregivers when we aren’t able to stay with him. He asked to come to my house last week to visit us for this first anniversary without dad. During a humerous conversation with my brother, I looked at him as he laughed. I saw my dad’s smile.
May we all see our loved ones who have gone on before us in our loved ones who remain. Such a gift when this happens.
Barbara, thank you, too, for acknowledging my dad’s anniversary. From one daddy’s girl to another, I wish you peace as you mourn your dad. As old as we are, we never outgrow our daddies.
If it weren’t for the wonderful people I have met on this site, my path would surely have been lonelier.
Pax Domine Vobiscum,
JoleneHi Elizabeth,
I am not a patient, though I cared for my dad through his illness. I just wanted to welcome you to the site. I have received the best support, insight and friendships through this board. I trust that you will find relief here, as well. Your emotions are what we all feel, whether patient or caregiver. We do depend on each other.
Praying for you, and wishing you peace on your journey.
Minnesota hugs to you,
JoleneAshlea, I, too, am very sorry for your loss. May God wrap you and your family in His peace as you mourn your beloved Dad.
Jolene
Hey Kris…count me with the others in your cheering section. Sending you Minnesota hugs and wishes. What the heck—sending along a cheer from my old high school days: B-E A-GG-R-E-SS-IVE. BE AGGRESSIVE, GOT TO BE AGGRESSIVE! GOOOOOO, KRIS!
Have a good weekend!
JoleneSincerest sympathies to you and your family as you mourn the loss of your mother. May you find peace.
Jolene
Deb,
I am so sorry for what you are going through. I’m not sure that there is a guide to determine when the end is near. I feel now, after my dad died, that each experience of living and dying is unique. Like you, I googled everything I could between caring for my dad, and what to expect at the end. I thought that I would prepare myself, so then I wouldn’t be surprised, and would better handle dad’s passing. I bought the grieving books to read after, the suggested journal, I told my husband I wanted to go away, alone, for a few days to work through my feelings, etc. “Be Prepared” is still this Girl Scout’s motto.
I didn’t count on my dad getting this horrific infection on top of his CC. I didn’t count on him not returning to my house when he had the fever. I didn’t count on him passing away 30 minutes after I left to freshen up after staying with him at the hospital 24/7. I didn’t count on my noticing mom’s parkinson’s disease to be so advanced after dad passed. My point> all my prep work was null and void.
All I can advise you is follow your instinct. Prepare yourself as you are able, and just enjoy the minutes you have left with him. The hospital social worker, the nurses, etc became invaluable to me during the final days. They brought special music to his room, brought us treats, coffee etc without even asking. On their breaks, they came in and just sat with dad, talking to him about his beloved Pittsburgh Steelers and country music. Family came in and out, I literally moved in! We brought dad’s favorite pictures, Bible, M/D’s wedding crucifix, posters etc to make his room comfortable.
There are things that I noticed that seemed odd with my dad: he stopped watching television (he LOVED to watch tv), wasn’t as hungry anymore, didn’t seem as happy and jovial as he normally was – more cranky, slept more often. All this I noticed about a month before his death. I personally believe that with a change in his pain medication, dad would’ve been less irritable, more himself. Wishful thinking? Maybe. Doesn’t matter now. I do feel that the infection that creeped up on us was the true precipitor to dad’s passing. His body was just too weak to keep fighting. (Dad was also a diabetic).
The locations of your dad’s cancer and the swelling of his legs is spot on with my dad’s experience. But, as I’ve mentioned, each experience is unique.
Hope this helps somewhat. I’m thinking of you and sending you and your family prayers.
Peace,
JoleneAshlea,
I can’t even breathe for reading your post. It brings back all too clearly when I lost my beloved daddy. A week from today; last night I couldn’t even sit still, I’ve got these shakes for whatever reason and I keep thinking about the last week with my dad. But, with the help of my guardian angels on this board and my faith, I know that I will get through the rest of the month. You will, too, I can promise you this. Even now with my dad away, I turn to the comfort and the advise of this panel.
Ashlea, the symptoms that you describe are what I went through with my dad. He had no urine output as his kidneys were no longer functioning. My dad, my handsome, strong dad died peacefully. ( I had them give him morphine every hour via drip; it was the most restful he had been for a month).
Watching my dad prepare to leave this world, in retrospect, was the most beautiful gift that I could ever receive. While I have days when I grieve so deeply, I also have days that I smile as I remember the wonderful dad I had, and to some degree, still have. We were very close.
Ashlea, treasure this time. Know that you are on holy ground now as God has sent you his angels to support and comfort you, and bring peace to your beloved dad as he is called home. You are experiencing such a sacred event. I pray that your memories will give you some strength as you prepare to say farewell to your dad.
Peace be with you and your family,
Jolene>I agree with Jamie. Dad and I were able to converse when he was conscious. He told me that he felt he was leaving, so we had a beautiful goodbye. As much as it killed me to say it, I also told my dad it was ok to go. I told him we would be ok, and not to worry about mom or the boys (my adult brothers). I assured him I would always watch out for them. I thanked him for my life, for all we shared. And I made a request of him. I asked him to watch over me, and he said that he would. To this day, I know my dad is with me.
Ashlea, I wish I could take away your pain. I’m crying now, not just cuz I miss my dad, but for what you are going through. Be brave, be strong, and talk with your dad.Oh Stan~ I am so sorry for your loss, and for what you and your family have lived through with this disease. I remember, all too well, the last night I spent with my dad before he died the next morning just about a year ago this month. You are a very loving son, and your dad must have been so proud to have you with him, during the most vulnerable, holy time of his life.
To have been by your dad’s side knowing you were on sacred ground as the angels surrounded you and your family is such a miracle, however bittersweet.
May God hold you and your family in His heart as you mourn for your beloved father.
Peace be with you,
Joleneby the way: You can, and will, triumph over this. My brother was in the middle of a divorce when dad died. Two significant losses at the same time -who can imagine this. Lean on your faith now more than ever. Marions often reminds us that somehow, we have the strength within us to forage on, whether we know it or not. You are in my prayers.
Hello Peanut, I am so very sorry to hear of your mother’s passing. I wish for you peace and comfort in your many memories with your mom. She will always be with you, watching over you and your brothers.
Peace be with you and your family,
JoleneHi Marjo,
Things are getting easier to manage at this point. Dad passed away a year ago this month. My husband and I are renovating our house. It was started a few years ago, before my parents became so ill. Now, tearing up the flooring, etc. is both therapeutic and gratifying. I’ve hired my cousin’s 16 year old daughter to help mom with housekeeping ~ what teen couldn’t use extra cash?? ~ Now I have to deal with the economy, the government and the cut backs on services for persons with disabilities (my brother has cerebral palsy, is deaf/mute, and mild MR). OK, time to knock out a wall!!! Hahahaha
At long last, I feel like I’m coming around to my old self. I must say, this group has certainly saved me in my darkest moments. You never know when some memory, good or bad, is triggered. My friend’s dad died; the funeral was yesterday. Memories of my dad naturally crept up and I felt as though I was burying my father all over again.
Stan: how are you and your family doing? Keep in touch.
Jolene
