darla

Dear Sue,

I’m glad you and Sam enjoyed your holiday in Vegas and also the time spent together. I am sure it was comforting to both of you. We do need these diversions and also the time to talk about the past and our memories. The hard part is coming home alone, then the reality sets in again. It is still all so hard, isn’t it. At times things seem to be going OK & you think you are coping and then some small thing will bring it all back along with the sadness & tears.

I will be thinking of you & Sam on Wednesday and I know that Ray will be there in spirit as was Jim last November when Pat got his Masters Degree. We really felt his presence and know that he was proud of his accomplishments.

Take care Sue. As you said, we will all get through this some how, together.

Love,
Darla

Thanks Pauline, that is a beautiful poem.

Don’t be sorry for being distressed, We are all going through similar phases and feelings. What you expressed about your and Anthony’s experiences were so similar to ours. Jim’s last weekend at home was about the same, except that he went back to the hospital on Sunday evening and died 9 days later. The day I had planned to take him home along with hospice care. We also had no idea the end was so near.

It really does seem to help to know that we are not alone and are all experiencing the same things. It doesn’t change it & it doesn’t make it any easier, but it is some how comforting to be able to share our feelings with each other.

I too try to remember all of the good things & all of the wonderful memories of the time we shared, but it is still so hard. Hopefully in time it will get easier and we will be able to remember more of the good & less of the bad that we experienced those finall days.

I am thinking of all of you and hoping for peace & comfort for all of us in the days to come.

Love & Hugs,
Darla

I had a similar experience. After Jim passed I was talking to a friend who’s brother passed away several years earlier. He was only in his 50’s and had also died very quickly without much warning. As we talked & I explained what Jim had & our expereinces, she thought it all sounded very familiar. After talking to other family members, and checking the death certificate, she realized that his cancer was CC. (interesting side note, he spent time in Asian countries with the USO when he was young) I gave her a bracelet and she is going to ordered them for everyone in the family. I also have a friend who is a doctor who has had 2 patients die from CC (I gave him some pamphlets) and a women who came into the shop who told me her husband who is in his 70’s had CC & is cured. She was so confident, but that statement truely made me sad as we all know that CC is so unpredictable & can re-enter our lives so quickly. I hope she is right & as Lainy always says, “attitude is everything”! I told her about this site & hope if the cancer returns she comes here for help & support.

Even tho’ this cancer is relatively rare in the US, it truely has touched many more than we realize. It really is a small world, isn’t it? Yes Lainy, it is sad that our little group has become so popular.

Jolene,

It looks like many of us are dealing with these issues. I think you should use the cleaning coupon for yourself and I am glad that you enjoyed the wine. You deserve it. This all sure is not easy is it? I agree with you that if they gave it a chance they would realize it is for the best. Good luck to you & all of us.

Darla

Hi Stan,

Interesting that you should bring this up. My parents are 82 and my sisters & I are dealing with this same issue. I was brought to this site because my husband passed away from cholangiocarcinoma last year, now my Dad has multiple health issues the most serious being chronic stage 3 kidney failure. They want to stay in their home, and my Mom is like yours. Doesn’t really like all the at home care and wants to do it all herself. She is wearing herself down & is no longer capable of taking care of everything. She too refuses to go anywhere and certainly would be there even with a caregiver. We have looked into assisted living etc. but they won’t even discuss it. You are not a bad son as we are not bad daughters. We are just being realistic and looking out for their best interests.

I don’t know what the answer is, but just wanted to let you know you are not alone with this dilemma. I too would welcome any suggestions or advice. It is all so hard to accept. I know I would probably feel as they do in the same situation, but hope I will be able to accept help if needed when the time comes.

Hopefully some of the good people here will have some helpful suggestions & advice for both of us.

Take Care
Darla

Hi Janet,

As you know we didn’t have our affairs in order either since Jim passed so quickly. and I know what you are going through. The grieving is hard enough without all of the necessary things that need to be done. Just when you think you have everything covered, something else comes up. As Marion said, some how we do manage to get through it all and I know you will too. Come back & vent all you want. It does help & what better place to do it than here where everyone really does care & understand what you are going through.

Love & Hugs,
Darla

Dear Danielle,

Many of us have gone through & still are experiencing much of what you are feeling. Losing a loved one so quickly & from such a horrible type of cancer is something that no one who has not experienced it can understand. My Jim has been gone 10 months and I still have a hard time accepting & understanding it all. Last year at this time we didn’t even suspect there was anything wrong and 2 months later he was gone. You are not going crazy. What you feel is normal considering what you have & are going through. So much of what you are going through is similar to what Jim & I experienced. I really do understand & sympathize. We had 45 years together and were happy & did what we wanted to do, but you still feel robbed, like you wanted & deserved more time together. It is just so unfair.

Just know that we are all here to help & support each other and give you the strength to go on. It is not easy, but you will be OK. We all will. Life will never be the same for any of us, but together we can help each other to be strong and go on.

Keep coming back even if it is just to vent your feelings. It does help.

Love & Hugs,

Darla

Dear Heather,

I am sorry you are feeling so bad right now. I know how overwhelming it can get. Unfortunately, those feelings will continue to come & go. I lost Jim 10 months ago & still have times that I feel like you are now. Coming here and asking for help & support is the best thing you can do. Atleast it helps to know that you are not alone & that all of us are dealing with the same issues & feelings as you. It won’t make it better and it won’t make it go away, but it is comforting just to know that it is normal and you are not alone. The thing that seems to be helpful to most of us right now is to try to keep busy & not to dwell too much on everything. However, that said, it is sometimes easier said then done. Just know that we are all here for you & that we do all truely understand and symphathize with what you are going through.

I know coping with the accident has also added an additional burden on you. I hope you and Em are doing OK. Know that I am thinking of you both & will keep you in my thoughts & prayers. Take care of yourself & Em and come back as often as you need to.

Love & Hugs,
Darla