darla
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Dear Pauline,
I think you are right. The fact that we can not focus on anything or look to the future, not knowing what that will be or even what we want it to be does make it hard. I feel like I am functioning on the surface level, but deep inside I am still so sad & lonely. There just doesn’t seem to be any real purpose to it all. I still feel that constant turmoil inside & usually am pretty good at keeping it there, but at times it does show through. I too feel that people really don’t want to see it or hear it & are put off by it when my feelings show or I try to talk about it. There are still a few people that are willing to listen & try to understand, but it seems that they are few and far in between.
The thought that some day we could all get together somewhere does give us something to talk about & look forward to, even if it is far in the future, it does give us something to think about anyway.
Here we had one really warm day & now that it is offically spring it is cold again. Even though the seasons keep changing & the weather should be getting nicer, our situation is not changing, we are still alone & still missing our husbands. That will never change. It is comforting to know that we are all in this together and have each other to confide in.
I am thinking of all of you. Take care & I hope that we can all have as good a week as possible.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaJanet,
I’m glad you joined us over here. We are all going through the same grieving process and are happy to have you with us. Pauline lost Anthony the end of July last year. My Jim passed on the beginning of September. Joyce & Sue lost there husbands in October and I know that for you it has not been quite so long. We have all been able to share our grief & feelings & be a lot of comfort & support to each other and are happy to have you on this thread with us as we all travel the ups & downs of our journey with grief. It is comforting to know we are not alone & that we are all having similar experiences & problems. It also helps us to realize that what we are going through is a “normal” process, whatever that is. I too think it is great that we are becoming such an international group.
Joyce,
Did you get the car? Is it all you expected it to be? If you are going green, think antiques. It is a type of recycling and I think it would fit in to the “green” catagory.
How was your “dining experience”
at Chuck E Cheese? I went to a place for dinner with my son & daughter-in-law this evening that Jim wasn’t particularly fond of. He would go there, but didn’t really much like the menu.I went out to dinner last night with my Mom & Dad (this place Jim would have enjoyed) and tomorrow I am invited out with friends, so that will help me get through the weekend. I think all of this eating out & shopping to fill time is going to have to stop. Not only is it costly, I may start putting some of the weight on that I have lost. Remarkably, so far, even tho’ I do eat I am still losing. I think it is the fact that I have to do more for myself & also I think that all the stress changes your metabalism or something. Who knows. All I know is that I do eat what I think is a lot & still have been losing. It all started when Jim first got sick & I was running & chasing trying to keep the shop going & also taking care of him. In & out of the hospital etc.
I think if we could figure it out & coordinate it all, it would be great if we could all meet some where some day. I vote for tropical. I’m thinking for me & Joyce next winter (January or February) would be a great time to go. Get us away from all the cold & snow for a bit! I know it is a stretch to even contemplate, but wouldn’t it be fun? I would also love to be able to meet with & chat with all of you. Relaxing on a warm sandy beach would be a big plus too!
For now it is probably just a silly dream, but like you said Joyce, it makes me feel good to atleast think about it.So, everyone take care & try to have as nice a day as possible tomorrow.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaKaren,
I know how you feel. It all seems so surreal. It doesn’t even seem real to you yet & like you said you feel like you are in a fog. It all happens so swiftly and there is so much going on that you don’t even really have time to think or reflect on what has happened. I still wake up some days expecting Jim to be here and that it was all just some horrible nightmare.
Just remember, that we are all here for you when you need us for support & comfort. Without all these great people on the site I don’t know what I would have done. They are the only ones who truely know what we are all going through & how losing a loved one to this monster of a cancer affects us both as caregivers and those of us left behind. It has changed our world & how we see it forever.
I will be thinking of you as you travel on the rest of this journey of grieving with all the rest of us who have lost a loved one to CC.
Take care & keep in touch.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaHi Evereyone,
Just checking in to see how everyone is doing.
Pauline, I keep looking back too & remembering how normal life was a year ago. Jim wasn’t even sick and we were so busy going places & doing things. Not knowing or appreciating how little time we had left together. It is truely hard to believe what has all happened & where we are now. I know that life doesn’t have that spark for me or have much purpose anymore either.
I had hoped with the coming of spring things would be better, but I think you are right, we lost all of our hope when we lost our husbands. Now I think how he will never again be here to share these beautiful days with me.
Atleast I know I am not alone and that you all under stand & are having the same feelings. It really is difficult.
Joyce, you are so right it is just a constant roller coaster of ups & downs, isn’t it?
Sue, I hope things are going a little better for you this week.
I am hoping things will start to look up for all of us one of these days.
I hope everyone has plans to keep busy for the weekend. Everyone take care I will be thinking of all of you.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaDear Carol,
I admire your positive attitude, but we do all struggle at times, don’t we? We are only human. I am so sorry that you are going through all of this. Life is unfair. Someone on this site said that when they asked themselves why me? They then stopped & thought why not me? That really made me stop & think. How true that is. As you said, there are no answers. I will be hoping for the best out come for you with your surgery. Keep posting & let us know how things are progressing. I will keep you in my thoughts & prayers. Stay strong & keep that great attitude. Know that we are all here for you.
Love & Hugs,
Darlaljg,
I agree with Pam. It is a process that we have to go through. If not now, then later. It is better to just go with it. The more you loved the more it hurts & the longer the grieving, but yes, it is worth it.
My thoughts & prayers are with you & your family.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaBarbara,
My thoughts & prayers are with you & your family. Know that we are all here for you.
Love & Hugs,
Darla
Lisa,
I will be praying for you & Charles. I am so sorry you have had to come here, but welcome you & hope you will come back often. The people here are the best. They all know & understand what we are all going through. The help & support are great comfort & will give you strength.
Darla
Happy Birthday Pam,
I wish we could all be there with you & sing it for you, but you know that we are all here for you and yes we all understand.
I think this disease just takes everything away from us. I am 60 & should also be secure in my faith but there are days both before & after that I too have felt like you. It is some of the littlest things that become so important & that we miss the most. My husband bought, sold & played accordian’s. Sometimes when he played he would not stop, would just go on & on & on. It drove me crazy at times, but I can not tell you how much I now miss that. If only he were here now I would never again complain. I even made my son play one for me when he was over one day shortly after Jim passed on.
We too experienced a lot of what you are talking about. I think it is all just part of the pain, anger & frustration on everyone’s part. It is a good feeling to know that here everyone understands so keep posting it does help. We are all here for you.
My thoughts & prayers are with you & your family.
Love & Hugs,
DarlaLisa,
I too admire your attitude. You have made a very hard to make decision, but you seem confident that it is the right one for you & your family. I am sure that everything will work out just fine. I will be hoping for the best for you & your family.
Take care & keep that postive attitude.
Darla
Moon,
I too want to welcome you and say that I am glad that you found it. Sorry to hear you need to be here and that this is the second family member to have this horrible disease. As you probably have figured out by reading on the site, this is the best place to be when dealing with this monster of a cancer. Getting a pet scan is a very good move & I will be hoping that the results are good. Let us know how it turns out.
Darla
Deb,
That is great news. I will be hoping that every future scan will look as great. For now, just go out there and live each day to the fullest and enjoy every minute.
Love & Hugs,
Darla
Rose May,
You are so right. Most people have no idea of what we have all been through, but all of us here know & are behind you all the way.
It just goes on & on, but you need to have hope & to stay strong.
I am thinking of you & your family & hoping for the best.
Love,
Darla
