ironbark

Hi Lainy,

Morphine while it’s a good drug also has the side effects that you have discribed. Haloparidol can work well, but in some people it also has the reverse effect and can make some people even more agitated, so be aware of that too.

Ask your medical team about a narcotic skin patch or a syringe driver with a different narcotic in it. He can still be given some top up pain relief and an anti-anxiety medication like lorazapam if needed.

Poor Teddy must be very frightened, and this would be scaring you too.

A regular dose of Grandchildren’s hugs always works well for me, so I can understand why Teddy would look forward to them.

Don’t be too hard on yourself either, it’s not a bad habit, it’s advocacy. You are fighting for the best outcome for Teddy, so it’s worth it. You go girl!!

That was beautiful. I’m sorry to hear that Debbie has passed, but she sounds like an amazing selfless lady who was partnered with a wonderful caring man.
Our thoughts are with you and your family.

I hear what you’re saying about the emotions Emily,

I returned to work after having four weeks off, and Dad’s diagnosis came two days before my planned annual leave. I went back to work on Monday, and tried to keep myself occupied enough that I didn’t think, but when I walked through the door on Tuesday I just broke down into a blubbering mess. I have been given another three and a half weeks off, which will cover Dad’s surgery and some recovery time, and can extend if I need to.

I am very lucky in one way that I work at a major hospital (not the one that Dad is in though), and my colleagues are aware of Dad’s diagnosis – partly because he came into the emergency department over the weekend and needed to be transferred to the specialist hospital, and partly because I’ve told them. My workmates are extremely supportive, but I find that when they try to be kind and are nice to me I immediately cry, so avoiding that contact would have been much easier.
My husband has a mental illness and hasn’t been as much support as I’ve needed due to his own issues.

Like you my Dad is my world. My mother left when I was six years old and Dad brought me up. We’ve been through some really difficult times together, and his second wife was the bitch from hell. Dad has a son to his second wife, who has schitzophrenia, so he also has issues to deal with.

My husband and I have three adult sons, who are wonderful, but I see my role as their mother to be one of support for them, not for them to support me – even though they do.

I’m off to get some counselling on Saturday. I just feel that I need someone to vent to, and to get some strategies to manage my feelings a bit, because I’ve never felt like this before.
You just feel as though someone keeps pulling the rug out from under you, only to replace it and then rip it out again.

It would probably be a safe thing to avoid anything that made me cry, or upset me, but I think in the long run that would be a mistake. I have given myself permission to grieve.
That doesn’t mean that I have given up hope, or that I have written Dad off. What it means is that I have accepted that it’s Ok to feel this way and that it is normal to feel this screwed up when something this stressful happens.
I have also recognised that I need to look after myself before I can do justice to caring for my father.

It’s very hard to find positives in a diagnosis like this, but for our own sanity we need to look for them. Eg. Dad was able to eat half his ice cream today, he’s drained over a litre of bile – better out than in, I’ve got time off work so that I can spend some quality time with him when it matters.

Keep on posting Emily, we might not have ALL the answers but we DO understand where you’re coming from.
Take care
Lesley

Hi there Mr J,
Ask your doctor if a steroid might help to reduce some of the inflammation in your bowel – it may not be an appropriate treatment for you, but asking doesn’t hurt.

It reminds me of the old story where the different parts of the body had a discussion over which was the most important, and the end part was that it was the a*hole (sorry about that). What I’m trying to relate is that if your bowel isn’t working properly then it affects everything else in the body, so it becomes extremely important to you.

You’ll probably need to see a combination of people to help with your case, and doctors are only part of the picture. Get a referral to a dietician for example, who can advise you on a diet that will provide you with the nutrition that you need while not overtaxing your bowel, and an Occupational Therapist may be able to assist with issues around continence and regularity, and even pad supply if you need them.

I hope this issue resolves soon for you Mr J, look after yourself.
Lesley