jclegg
Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Charlene,
It is good to hear from you – I think of you often. I am glad that you have that “sense of peace”. I think I know what you mean – I went to the cemetary today and put an Easter Lily on Butch’s grave and talked to him for awhile – that “quiets me” mentally. I hope the months have been kind to you, and that you are more at peace, even though yes – we do miss our husbands each and every day. Just remember, you are not alone.
Cyber Hugs to you – Joyce C.
Sue,
What a wonderful thing to happen – I have no doubt that our husbands are watching over us , and, every once in a while, we are blessed to have something happen which tells us that this is true. It hasn’t happened in a while for me now, but – I am waiting.
Also – hooray for Sam – you go, girl!Love – Joyce
Tess,
I just now read this post, and it makes me feel so good! Congratulations – you must be so happy. I am sure that Frandpa is smiling down. It is so true, what you say about the “circle of life”.Joyce C
Rose,
It is with much sadness that I read your news. We will be thinking about you, and praying for you. I am so sorry that you didn’t get your surgery.God is still with you, as you know. We mere human beings can never know or understand his plans, but it is a comfort to know that he is by our sides. He has never left mine, and has become a closer friend than ever.Love ,
Joyce C.
Janet,
I, too think that is a good decision. Nothing is trivial – we do like to hear about what is going on in each other’s lives, and also what it is like in different parts of the world. As a matter of fact, I would like to go to your Brother’s house with you! Too bad about the winter coming on, though – autumn must be lovely, and Darla and I envy you the “no snow” part. I am with Sue – put on the “Glad Rags” and go – we hope you have a lovely time, or, at minimum, forget about your problems for awhile.Love – Joyce
Suzanne,
I, too believe it is 1 to 3 months. I am so happy your resection and recovery have gone so well – we all love good news.Joyce C.
Hi Janet,
You have to do whatever you feel most comfortable with. If you can turn it around in your mind and go in HONOR of your husband’s birthday, that is one way to look at it. However, if it is going to bother you, just call her and explain – I am sure she will understand. This is a time in our lives when other people just need to understand that we have to go by our feelings, and what is comfortable for us – if it doesn’t feel right, I don’t do it!By the way – it sounds so funny for me to here you say “end of summer” party – and we are just getting rid of the snow here in the States!
Hugs – Joyce
Hello Everyone,
Well, I did get the car. It is really nice, besides being “green”, and I will averagee 48 MPG – 55 on the highway! The fact that I bought it used – it is a 2004 – makes it even “greener”. there is a box on the dash that shows what is happeneing as itswitches back and forth – the “hybrid” part kicking in, etc. I am the envy of all my male coworkers at my work – women don’t seem to care as much! I haven’t picked up the composter yet – later this week, I think.Good going, Sue – you can sign on as a handyman pretty soon, don’t you think? Also, I imagine we have all been spending too much, and it will have to slow down, but, I DO think we need to be kind to ourselves right now. That’s why I suggested a vacation next winter – something for us all to look forward to. There is not much of that in our lives at the moment, and we need something to look forward to? I hope you got your computer problems solved – how annoying!
Pauline – I think we are all up & down – I can be “almost normal” one minute, and then plummet down the next. I just always try to remember that Butch wanted me to live a full life and to regain some pleasure out of living – he asked me to do that. I am sure that your husbands would have wanted the same thing for all of you. So I struggle along, and someday perhaps life will become pleasurable again – it is kind of hard to see that from here, I will admit. I am grateful that I found all of you to talk with – it helps so much.
Darla – I HAVE to believe that we are done with the snow, BUT , it has snowed here before in May, so you just never know! I agree – we are functioning on the surface, but just below – it is turmoil, and anxiety, and sadness. I still come home to an empty house every night (well- I should mention Flashy), and that is not going to change, is it? I have started cooking for myself better, but I take no pleasure in it, and I used to LOVE to cook. It’s just no fun for just me, I guess.
Hugs around – Joyce
Hi Everyone,
Janet, we would love to have you join us. I don’t think you are different from us, although it IS very difficult for you to have those separate issues to deal with – your Son, etc., and I don’t think it has been as long for you? We are all just women who have lost our beloved husbands over the last year, and are learning to cope with this new world we are living in. You can bring that Australian perspective to our musings! We are quite the international group, aren’t we?
Sue – I looked up “Cooking Holidays” online – I am sure that this will be a wonderful thing for you to do – even though you don’t think you want to now. I would love to do something like that. Actually, I was daydreaming yesterday, and I was thinking – what if we all arranged for a vacation in Cancun (or – the Caribbean, or someplace!), and met there! I would so love to meet you all, and vacations are so much cheaper now – it might be a possiblbility. I know it is a crazy idea, to say nothing of the expense, but – it makes me temporarily happy to think about it! What happened is there was this ad in my e-mail for a trip to Cancun for under $ 800.00, and it got me thinking!
Anyway, I am leaving in about an hour to go to Ithaca, NY – about an hour away. My Brother works for a car dealer there , and he got me a great deal on a used, one-owner, Toyota Prius – with only about 30,000 miles on it. This is the “green” car everyone is talking about – 55 miles to the gallon on the highway. I am also buying a composter this week, also, and intend to compost to enrich my flower gardens. I am buying a 36,000 mile warranty with the car, so – no repair bills, etc. I am actually quite excited. On the advise of my support group, I made a list of things I intend to do with the rest of my life, and one of those things was to be as “green” as I can be – doing my part to save the environment. It has been difficult to have “purpose” over the last few months, and this might be one way of changing that?
Later today, I am taking my Granddaughters to Chuckie Cheese’s to meet up with my Nephew and his Dad – my Brother. It is his 11th birthday, and we are celebrating. I remember Butch used to REFUSE to go to Chuckie Cheese’s – he would go anywhere else, but he hated that place – to much commotion, didn’t like the pizza, etc. So – he must be looking down and laughing at me now! I don’t mind it though – the kids just love it.
I do think I am over that rough patch we all seemed to hit over the last couple of weeks. The problem is – just when I start feeling a bit better, it hits again, and I go back into the dumps! The weather has been lovely – unseasonably warm for March, and I have even been out in the yard cleaning up, but – that makes me think about golf, and golf makes me think about Butch. He did so love to play golf – I probably will never play again
would you believe that I only played a couple of times in my life without him – we always played together!Anyway, have a good weekend – try to keep busy,
Love,
Joyce
Dear Pam,
I like that description – walking wounded – it sounds like a good description of us. I, too, know how you felt – it is so hard, saying goodbye to all our little traditions and such that make up the fabric of our relationship with our loved ones. No wonder we go through the “pre-grief” state- how could we not? Anyway, you are a wonderful daughter, so your parents must both be wonderful people.Happy belated birthday — Joyce C.
Hello Moon,
It is so sad to have two people in the same family with this disease. My husband and his Brother both were diagnosed with Sclerosing Cholingitus, which was a percurser to his CC, so we know this disease does affect people with the same gene pool. Unfair, isn’t it? Anyway, I hope his scan turns out well, and best of luck to you and your husband.Joyce C.
Hi Tess,
I am thinking of you each day, and know that it will get easier as time goes on – it IS a process, and it moves at is’s own speed. We all just have to go with it, and learn the life lessons as we go, and, yes, remember all the good times we have shared over the long years with our loved ones. I find, as time goes on, I remember more and more good times, and those memories have replaced many of the later unhappy memories. When I start to think about the final days, I try to remember happy times we had together, and it helps me a lot. I think Bill is right – at first, we even miss that caregiver role that gave us such purpose. ANyway, we are with you, and hoping for peaceful thoughts for you and your familyHugs,
Joyce
Pam – this is a beautiful story. On my last night of our grief mamagement group, we exchanged snow white pebbles the instructor provided us with – that is what is in my pocket. To each and every one of you who walks this journey- may God give you strength
Joyce C..
Sue, Pauline, and Darla,
Sue – I hit a sticky patch, also. I have learned – it isn’t a straight line – it is up and down, up adn down!. I thought when spring arrived, I would feel better, and now I am wishing Butch was here to see the cardinals preparing their nest on the side of our house, as they always do, and I need to tell him that his patch job reshoring up the dirt around the house worked- no leaking in the rec room over the winter! Good job, Butch, Last night, my neighbor was here – watching “madagascar” with my Granddaughter and I, and we were taking about how Butch alwasy patch EVERYTHING up with duct tape – we were laughing, actually. In the midst of that – tears. We do miss our guys so, don’t we?Did I tell you all that I ordered his stone? It will be laid in early May – they can’t do it before thenthey said, as the ground isn’t right. I think it will be easier to go to the cemetary to visit with the memorial in place – right now only a flag is there, and it is not so good. The girlks always want to visit Grandpa when they come to our house – I find that touching. It has become very important to me to get that darm stone up – it is the las thing I can do for Butch and it is important to me – it wouldn’t have mattered the slightest bit to him – he wasn’t interested in things like that.
Well – enough talk about memorial stones and such – back to spring. It is beautiful here, and My Son-in-law is baking a ham dinner for when I take the girls home later today. I bought some fresh pineapple and we are making brownies for our contribution – oh – and some fresj asparagus – so – it will be a lovely, Spring meal. The girls want me to have Easter here, and I probably will – we always have a big easter hunt in my back yard. It will be sad, but – I will be sad wherever I am, so – OK. Last year – we had been to the Mayo Clionic by Easter, and they had told us the tumor was inoperable. It was before we knew the Univercity of Pittsburgh would operate, and I think he was beginning chemo. I have pictres, and – although he was sick – he looks pretty good. Lesson to be learned – life is short – make each day count.
A big hug to all 3 of you, and good thoughts coming your way.
Joyce
