jmoneypenny

Great news, Kris! Have a great trip – you deserve it!!!
-Joyce M

Dear Alice,
All my sympathy on the loss of your dear husband. Sometimes it’s better to think they’ve just gone away for a little while, to help you cope. I wish you peace in your time of grief-
Joyce M

Hi Kel,
First of all, I want to say what a brave person you are – your courage and selflessness come through in what you write. What a great attitude – and your worries for your son are only natural, and just show how much you love him.

Your story especially touched me because I lost my mother to cc, and because I have a daughter who is 5 and who loved her Grandma Fifi more than anything. My mother didn’t talk much about her illness, but she did say her one hope was that my daughter would remember her. Of course my mom’s memory is all TOO alive for me, but I try to keep it alive for my daughter, too. My mother was very lucky to live to see her only grandchild, I know, but we always want more. My daughter had to go to grief counseling and so did I – and you might want to suggest that to your son. He needs to feel he can lean on someone when things get rough – friends, family, counselor, clergy.

Anyway, as a mother, I can understand how you worry about your son – I would be so worried about my daughter, no matter what age she was. There’s just no helping that, I think. As an orphaned daughter, I can tell you that your son will have some tough times after you’ve gone, especially since you two seem very close –that’s just part of the grief of losing your mother, and there’s not much that can be done about that, either, I think. But he WILL be okay, because he was raised by you, a loving mother, and I”m sure you’re proud of the person he is and he will live up to your highest expectations in the end. I was 40 when my mother died and I’m still trying to come to grips with it – but I guess whether you’re 20 or 40 or 60 you’re going to be devastated by the loss of your mother. I agree that 19 is such a pivotal age and I’m sure he’ll have some adjusting to do, but you can help him now by saying all you need to say, letting him say whatever he needs to say (just because I know so many people agonize over what was never spoken). He will be sad, he will be upset and angry, but he will be okay. There will be a void in his life, but he will be okay. And he will always keep you alive in his heart.

Your love for him is so strong that it will sustain him for the rest of his life, and if he has children, he will pass on your legacy and raise them as you would have. You can’t really lose a mother – not completely – I feel my mother’s presence in everything I do, every day. She was such a part of me and I’ve tried to incorporate everything wonderful about her into my outlook and it’s helped me deal with the pain. I’m often told that this pain is the price I must pay for loving someone so dearly – that the loss is so sharply felt, but I was lucky to have such an amazing mother for even this short a time. And your son is so lucky to have YOU — and he’ll have you always and forever, to comfort him when he needs it most.

Sorry I’m rambling – I wish you and your son only the best, and hope you beat the odds and prove those doctors wrong.

Many hugs across cyberspace from someone who had a mother like you,

Joyce M

Dear Jolene,
What a touching way to celebrate your parents’ anniversary. You are such a thoughtful and caring daughter — you and your mother are so lucky to have each other, to grieve together.
Wishing you all the best,
Joyce M

Dear Joyce,
So sorry to hear about Butch, but I’m glad that he’s going to get some help – and it will help you, too, if it’s a good hospice team. It’s a terrible time for you right now, and I hope you have some shoulders to lean on.
All my good wishes going out to you and Butch. Please know that you always have a sympathetic ear.
Much love,
Joyce M

Hi Lina,
THat’s so great that your mother is open to diet change and supplements – sounds like she has a wonderful attitude, and that’s half the battle!

The language barrier must be frustrating for her — I”m sure there are plenty of bilingual Spanish doctors in all the NY facilities, and I know that many of them offer translators (but I guess that’s your job! but in case you can’t be there it may be helpful). On a completely irrelevant note, I dated a Colombian guy for 6 years so I’m very fond of Colombians and would love to visit there sometime! You’re very lucky to have a supportive extended family.

It sounds like right now your mother just has to get back on her feet, so you have time to make the big decisions. I’m sure they won’t put her through any unnecessary pain or treatment right now, and like I said, she can always try chemo when the time comes and then stop it if she finds it’s too debilitating.

Best of luck to you in your research – you’re a wonderful daughter.

Joyce M