lannya
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I approached my wife, tentatively, asking is there anything you want to do or see, she no, I just want my grandkids here as much as I can handle, and we did. My wife was a worrier, as is my father. I think seeing the stress my dad put on himself, for no reason, led me to not look for things to worry about. Now when my wife, Cindy was diagnosed Feb 2011, I know she worried but never showed it. We made onc appts and chemo days, date days, we’d pick out something to see and a new place to eat and go out on a date after her appt. A few times when she was having radiology on her neck, her mouth got so bad she couldn’t eat, but she wanted to go and order the meal, she’d pick at it and say now you have dinner tomorrow. Even though I’d been married to her 38 yrs, it absolutely reminded me of why I loved her so much. She didn’t want people around her crying and feeling sorry for her. She wanted her family, and to live life as much, with them, as possible. She told me one day, “I have decided to not worry about what I can’t control”. From that point on, her advice to anyone who would listen was, “don’t sweat the small stuff”. I try to love by her advice today, mostly because I lived though the big stuff with her. God’s grace to all.
Hi Christie, as others have said, I would not tolerate a doctor being so unprofessional as to slamming a book because I asked a question. If you are looking for recommendations…Indiana University’s Simon Cancer Center in Indianapolis has an excellent oncologist very familiar with CC, Dr. Paul Helft. He is very patient and will talk to you and answer your questions as long as you have them. They also have a great surgeon familiar with CC and an aggressive reputation for doing resection surgeries and implanting liver infusion pumps, Dr. Michael House. In my two years of dealing with staff at Simon, while fighting my wife’s CC, we never had one negative experience with anyone, a fantastic hospital with fantastic staff. Hope this helps, prayers and best of luck with your momma.
My friend,
I think about your family everyday, as I know you did mine a few months back. I read the other day, about the pain of grief, “It doesn’t get better, it just gets different”.
Well, as I approach 6 months since Cindy passed, I am seeing, feeling some things differently. Yesterday, while driving to an auction, I heard “Loving Her Was Easier” by Kris Kristofferson, one of the 2 songs played at Cindy’s funeral. I was able to listen to the song and not lose it, just think about her and how deeply I loved her for 40 years. I walk into the auction and the first thing I see is an antique wooden milk crate, one of the things we always looked for at sales. It was painted in black letters Prairie Farms Dairy, Carlinville, ILL…Cindy’s hometown! I just looked at it and said OK, OK, baby I’ll buy it. It made me feel good inside!
I tell you all this because just a short time ago I would have went into full blown panic attack and left. It was JUST YESTERDAY that I realized, things are getting somewhat different. I am able, occasionally to think of her and smile and even laugh. I still cry like a baby every now and then, but not as often.
One day at a time, one step at a time. Grief is so personal, whatever you feel you need to do is what you need to do. No one can tell you whether you “are doing ot right”.
As always, I keep you and your family in my prayers.Lanny
Stay strong mom but take care of yourself too. I know the effects of this kind of stress, take care. You 2 have a wedding to plan!
When I prayed last night, I prayed aloud…think I’ll do the same tonight.Lanny
Hi Holly, I can’t help you with your questions, but I just feel the need to tell you how much I admire your attitude. I don’t comment very much but read many of the posts, as my wife Cindy, had made many friends on this site and it’s a way for me to follow their progress and keep contact. Your compassion for others while you fight your own battle with this indiscriminate demon, reminds me so much of my Cindy’s attitude and compassion. Occasionally I go back and read through Cindy’s old posts and it amazes me, knowing what she was really going through, at how much concern and love she would show others and that is what I feel from you, when I read some of your comments to others, it’s almost like I’m reading her posts. I lost my Cindy 3 months ago today after a 23 month battle with CC and after over 38 years together, you can imagine, I miss her very much, she was just a few days short of her 57th birthday. It’s kind of strange, but for a couple of days now something has been pushing me to tell you how your compassion comes through your posts. You obviously have a big heart and I have added you to my prayer list. God Bless You. Ok now whoever or whatever has been leading me to tell you this…I did it, and I hope this doesn’t seem to weird.
Lanny
